Dear Family and Friends,
Happy Holidays from NYC!
2015 has been a jampacked year marked by milestone events like Harlow’s refusal to use the potty, Mazzy’s dedication to staining every item of clothing in her closet and threats of divorce from Mike if Ilana doesn’t just let everyone eat their goddamn meal without taking a photo of it first.
Ilana finished the first draft of her book which was very exciting until she realized that this year is also the year Mazzy learned to read. She might have to cut out some profanities and the story about Mazzy taking a dump in the living room.
Mike spent much of the year agonizing over how to replace our broken toaster. He could either buy a $30 toaster and put it on the counter in the same place our toaster has always been for the past ten years… or he could buy a $100 toaster that could hang from the kitchen cabinet freeing up counter space. He finally decided on the $100 hanging toaster but once it arrived, he realized he would have to move the electrical outlet to accommodate it. The handyman in our building quoted him $150 for the job bringing the cost of our new toaster up to $250. While we all await Mike’s final decision, the $100 hanging toaster is currently sitting on the counter exactly how a regular $30 toaster could have. Can’t wait to see what happens in 2016!
Mazzy has begun a delightful new past time commonly referred to as “hoarding”. There is not a piece of artwork, a scrap of fabric, an empty box, an element from nature, etc. that Mazzy does not deem worthy of keeping. Where do all these things go? In charming little piles all around the house. You might stumble upon a tableau of carefully laid out garbage and feel compelled to toss it in the nearest trash— but wait! It is not garbage at all. It’s what Mazzy calls “very special” and you are clearly short-sighted for envisioning anything less.
Harlow has developed a fondness for colorful language, particularly words related to the potty. “Pee”, “poop” and “toilet” are all hilarious words that deserve as much play as possible. “Sink” and “tub” are also somehow hilarious just by virtue of being in the bathroom. “Poopy” is Harlow’s personal favorite and she will use it in response to almost any question you ask. “What are you doing Harlow?” “Poopy.” What do you want for dinner Harlow?” “Poopy.” We are so proud.
We are spending this Christmas wondering why Hanukah was so ridiculously early this year and trying to convince our kids that Santa is not all he is cracked up to be. Who wants a stranger breaking into your house and stealing your cookies?
You can probably find us at a Chinese restaurant trying to convince our kids to try something ANYTHING besides the white rice.
Happy holidays and onwards and upwards in 2016!
The Wiles Family
Giveaway: 3 Month supply of Plum organics
For a chance to win a 3 month supply of Plum Organics, create your own Unfiltered Holiday Newsletter (like the one at the top of the post) at www.2015Unfiltered.com and share your version directly on the Mommy Shorts Facebook page or post a link to your newsletter in the comments below. It’s super easy and will feed you lots of funny prompts and responses in addition to letting you create some of your own.
Note: After creating your card, save to camera roll or desktop and then upload to the Mommy Shorts FB page in the comments under this post.
Winner will be announced on December 23rd.
Congrats Tressely! Please contact email@example.com to claim your prize!
This post was sponsored by Plum Organics’ Parenting Unfiltered campaign, an initiative near and dear to my heart because I believe we should celebrate all of parenting— not just the newsletter worthy moments!
I love this!
LOL! I really do love how honest and real you are. You could gussy up the stories and make your life picture perfect, and with adorable girls like that who wouldn’t believe it? But you don’t. I love it.
This is hilarious!
DID YOU WRITE THIS ABOUT MY FAMILY OR YOURS?
Oh good grief the hoarding stage…. “waaaaaah, that broken party bag toy is SPECIAL! That plastic medal I got for I can’t remember what that is exactly the same as the other two plastic medals is MY FAVORITE! I made that undiscernible object out of cardboard packaging I sneaked when you weren’t looking and a whole roll of tape and I LOVE IT!” Is it bad parenting to make kids watch The Hoarder Next Door and tell them that’s how we’ll end up, hemmed in by boxes of special pebbles and favorite artwork made from trash? If it helps, once my kid hit 6 1/2 and we suggested we couldn’t get too many birthday gifts when he turned seven since there was nowhere to put anything he couldn’t clear out his crap fast enough. But from age four til then it was horrendous. Truly.
And please please please can you share the secret of curse free car seat installation because that is a real “fffffffffflibbertigibbet” moment in these parts….
And here’s ours… http://bit.ly/1lSHit3
The poop phase!!! My girl will be 3 in a couple months and every other word out of her mouth is poop. She is replacing lyrics in songs with poop, and this morning she asked for poop water to drink with her poop sandwich. She’s a whirling dervish of destruction with a poop obsession.
I am stealing “whirling dervish of destruction with a poop obsession” for my own almost 3 year old.
One of your funniest recent blogs!
Here, here! I was starting to miss Mommyshorts’ witty little vignettes about home life without any product placements!
Great letter!! So informative 🙂 I love your style of writing and how honest you are! I can’t wait for your book to come out!
My 2.5 year old daughter is a big fan of the word “toot” these days and just cracks up at it everytime!!
This is awesome haha. My girl basically survives solely on Plum Organics food so this prize would be amazing for me 😛
Holy shit, you are so damn funny. This is the absolute best newsletter I’ve ever read. I hate those things. They’re so braggy and obnoxious. Leave it to you to give it the appropriate dose of sarcasm and wit. LOVE IT. I’m going to work on mine asap!
Love it!! Why oh why do three year olds think “poopy” is so funny? It’s my daughter’s answer to everything too. Maybe she will find a new word to love in 2016.
I love this!!
You could have been describing my kids! My 5.5 year old daughter loves to save everything. And my 4 year old son is big into the poopy word too!
Happy unfiltered holidays!
I’m impressed, I must say. Actually rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me
inform you, you have struck the nail on the head.
My web site Monster squad hack 2015
Yes. The Hoarder. We have one. She left piles of rocks all over her grandpa’s house, including in his washing machine. We have learned to throw things away in the OUTSIDE garbage can otherwise she WILL find and demand redemption. It’ delightful.
I have to go search your old posts now to solve my own toothbrush battle… This was awesome. 🙂
Mazzy is clearly destined to own a very large home. At least that’s the only reason I can come up with for why I have to live way out in the boonies – for a house big enough to hold all my hoarded crap.
Love this post- I had lots of fun making my letter (though I wish I could have entered more of my stuff or select more than one) (who has lost weight!!??- NOT I.)
LOVE your blog
http://bit.ly/1QojHxy whoops here’s the full link!
Lol!! Love how honest you are! Curious what you meant by Pinterest is full of shit!?
This was seriously great! It was so much fun!
I had to put this out there, my 3 year olds favorite word is fart. Seriously… If I hear that word again… Omg
That was fun! http://bit.ly/1OFAzd7
Your home is valueble for me. Thanks!
Hi Ilana, I emailed back and forth with Pam a while back but I haven’t recieved anything. I’m sorry if this is premature, I just didn’t know how long to wait before contacting you. Thanks for the opportunity and I love all of your posts!
Will look into it right away- thanks for letting me know!
Just got a call from Plum Organics, thanks so much for your response and help!