Every year I have a tradition of making New Year’s resolutions. Not for myself (everybody does that!) but for my children. Nothing motivates a child to be behave better more than being shamed on the internet, so here’s a list of new habits for Harlow to focus on in the new year.
Will she stick to them? Let’s just say, she’s got just as good a shot as you do with that detox you’re planning.
19 Resolutions I Wish My Three-Year-Old Would Make in 2016
1) I will stop demanding tissues when they are clearly sitting in a box right next to me. I am fully capable of pulling out a tissue and using it to wipe my nose all by myself.
2) While I’m at it, I will learn to properly blow my nose instead of making that noise with my mouth designed to fool my parents into thinking I am blowing my nose.
3) I will to be more excited about the prospect of potty training. For instance, the mere mention of sitting on the potty will no longer make me burst into tears and run screaming into the other room to cower in the corner while hugging a pack of diapers. I will pretend to be excited about stickers and think of a toy that will motivate me to start the process.
4) I will stop saying “I’m hungry” five minutes after my mom gives up and clears my half-eaten dinner. I know this will not result in dessert and will stop throwing a fit when sugary sweets are not promptly offered up as an alternative to protein and vegetables.
5) If I wake up before 7am, I will learn to enjoy lying in bed with my mom and dad instead of demanding they come into the kitchen immediately to make me breakfast.
6) I will expand my breakfast food options to include more than waffles and pancakes.
7) I will stop using the word “poop” every time I open my mouth. I’m sure there are other things to talk about if I just gave it some thought.
8) If I have had a nice time at school, with a babysitter, in the kid’s club at a hotel, etc. I will not burst into tears the second my mom walks into the room to fool her into thinking I have been treated horribly so that she never leaves me again.
9) I will let my mom pick my shoes and clothes. I understand she knows what is practical for the weather (like a coat when it is freezing) as well as what matches and I am probably better off trusting her fashion instincts (and temperature intelligence) as opposed to my own.
10) I will stop using my beloved blankie to cover my body and my chair during breakfast. If I cannot stop this behavior, I will stop getting mad when said blankie gets syrup on it. Obviously, this is inevitable.
11) I will use the iPad for educational games and videos and never watch that lady who opens the eggs again.
12) I will stay in my chair with my butt on the seat during the entirety of dinner, even if this goes against every grain of my being.
13) I will try to open my mind when eating food outside my home. For instance, just because a piece of chicken is made differently does not mean it is automatically terrible. Like my mom says, I don’t really know if I like it or not unless I try it. I will also attempt to ignore bits of green herbs on my food or small blackened areas of my chicken since they probably don’t render the entire meal inedible as I have always believed.
14) I will stop ruining special events (like my own birthday party) by throwing a fit unless my mom is holding me at all times. Who knows? A party planned completely with me in mind (from the Inside Out cake I asked for to the disco theme) could actually be fun if I gave it a chance.
15) I will not scream bloody murder every time my mom brushes my hair just because that’s what my sister does when my mom brushes hers. My sister has thick knotty hair that takes great effort to brush whereas my hair is stick straight, thin and knot-free. My screams are purely for effect and cause my mom more distress than they are worth.
16) I will learn to lie down still and quietly while my mom reads my bedtime books. Perhaps this will get me into a relaxed state as my mom always intends, instead of the ramped crazy person I end up becoming around bed time.
17) I will request books other than those within the Pinkalicious series.
18) I will cease all behaviors that make it impossible for me to fall asleep like dragging toys into bed after my mom leaves the room, role playing Rapunzel from Mazzy’s bunkbed, singing songs at the top of my lungs and continually leaving my room to announce “I’m not tired” even though I haven’t even bothered to test that theory by putting my head on my pillow.
19) A few nights a week, I will specifically request my dad’s companionship for bedtime routine and let my mom off the hook.
What should your kid’s resolutions be in 2016?