I have plenty of resolutions I’m going to talk about next week— making dates with my husband, being less lazy in the kitchen and the state of my abs, to name a few. I’ve got resolutions I think my husband should make too— like eating less red meat and not relying on the iPad as a babysitter. But there is someone else in my house that needs a life overhaul more than anyone. She’s needy, quick-tempered and has terrible communication skills. Plus, she could really improve her sleep habits.
Today, I asked my one-year-old daughter to reflect on 2013 and come up with twenty resolutions that would improve her life dramatically (and everybody else’s) in 2014.
Here’s what she came up with…
1. I will stop being so interested in Mommy’s phone. I’m sure there are decent toys available if I would just give them a chance.
2. Before I scream bloody murder every time Mom won’t give me something I want, I will stop to ascertain whether there are factors of which I might not be aware— like temperature, sharpness or breakability.
3. I will accept the inevitability of bedtime.
4. I will expand my palette beyond puffs and pasta. This will become especially useful in restaurant settings where the promise of new tastes and textures will be enough incentive to keep me quiet and seated.
5. I will stop tearing out my barrettes and headbands and try to achieve a state of peaceful co-existence.
6. During diaper changes, I will remind myself that staying still so Mom and Dad can just do their job will get the shit off my ass that much faster.
7. I will stop arching my back, locking my legs or going into full-on tantrum mode every time someone tries to strap me into a stroller or carseat. I’m sure they have their reasons for imprisoning me every time we leave the house.
8. I will realize that tossing my pacifier out of the crib and then crying because I no longer have my pacifier is an idiotic exercise that helps no one.
9. I will learn to appreciate naptime. I’m told it’s a privilege and a gift most grown-ups would kill for.
10. After I am done eating my meal, I will suppress my desire to ceremoniously throw the remainder of my food on the floor, no matter how satisfying it feels.
11. Even though it feels great to be held by Mom and Dad, I will try to understand that life is best experienced with my feet on the floor.
12. Once I get over the need to have my parents hold me all the time, I will try to remember that they still want a cuddle every now and then.
13. I will attempt to reset my internal clock so that any time before 7am is clearly sleepy time.
14. I will learn to say yes with as much conviction as I say no.
15. Even though I much prefer Mom holding me while she is standing, I will try to embrace being held while she is sitting down as an acceptable alternative. It can’t be nearly as bad as my kicking and screaming suggests.
16. I will resist the urge to help put away the laundry. Apparently, I am just elongating the task. Also, just because Mom opens the dishwasher, does not mean it is an invitation to climb in.
17. I will try to find my own things to do around the house instead of being automatically drawn to whatever my older sister is doing.
18. Before I reach for Mom or Dad’s food, I will double check to make sure I have not been served the same thing. Sometimes their food looking better than mine is just an illusion.
19. As much as I love Daddy, I will try to make my preference a little less obvious.
20. I get it. Mom is never going to give me a sip of whatever is in that pretty glass with the stem. I’ll stop begging.
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