My “Totally Butchered Words” posts are some of my post popular. (You can find them here and here and here.) But be forewarned— they are not for the pearl clutchers amongst us! There is bad language, dirty words I previously didn’t know existed and lots of little mouths that should be washed out with soap.
But then, can you really get a mad at a kid for screaming “DUMB FUCK!!!!” when he’s excited to see a dump truck? I don’t think so. You can just smile politely at the gaping strangers and go about your day.
All the butchered words depicted below are actual mispronunciations that were submitted by moms of actual toddlers. As always, the real words are pictured with the mispronunciation written in white.
Not all the butchered words are bad words so let’s ease you into this post with two cute mispronunciations from Harlow. The first is “poop paste” pictured up top and the second is a butchered word I recently discovered while reading Harlow a picture book about animals.
Every time Harlow points to the baboon and screams, “Ba-BOOM! Ba-BOOM!” Mazzy and I both crack up. I refuse to correct her (it’s too damn cute) and will be sad the day she starts to pronounce it right.
And now, the butchered words are about to get exponentially more “colorful” so I’m giving you the option to opt out. I’ll pepper in a few of the more innoncent mispronunciations throughout, just to give you a Bad Language Break. If you have a child who can read, I would bookmark this page and save it for later, after he or she is in bed.
Trust me.
Just know, I didn’t say any of these things. YOUR CHILDREN DID.
And lastly, my favorite…
There you have it. Obviously, many of these mothers should be scared to bring their children out in public.
Especially if they like penis butter spread on their panty cakes.
Who’s got more butchered words? Please post them in the comments for the next one!
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Another favorite of mine is “loopstick” for lipstick and “chopstick” for chapstick
My daughter, when she was two, used to call bananas “obamas”…I couldn’t stand to correct her- it cracked me up.
My son has an extraordinary memory (due to his autism) to where he remembers minute details like everyone’s first and last names, and he has to say the full names of things like, “I need my Hello Kitty Airlines Playset”. Anyway, he loves Sid the Science Kid who has an episode about food and they talk about “rice from China”. Well, my son asked me for “rice vagina” and I said “what?” and he said it again. I called my husband over and he heard the same thing but figured out what he was trying to say. We just hope he doesn’t talk about it at preschool.
My favorite toddlerism is when he asks me to help him put on his douche (shoes).
My cousin used to call beauty and tge beast “booty and the beast”. 20 years later we still call it booty and the beast.
My 4 year old says “sgabetti, heliclopter, hopsital, aminal, & callipitter” and those I don’t correct because I think they are too cute.
According to my three year old…
Axe kick = Ass Kiss (she does taekwondo)
Freckles = Fuckers
Stickers = Kickers
Cranberry Juice = Hoo-ha drink (not a mispronunciation but hilarious nonetheless)
Loving these! LMAO
I forgot spaghetti o’s are ghettos! LOL
My oldest, now 9, still calls “nicknames” “knicknack names” but at one time, the school bus was a ‘scoo bus’
My youngest called the called the refrigerator the “frigeyater” for a long time.
She also called grill cheese ‘girl cheese’. BUT she calls cheese slices used for grilled cheese “stinky cheese”. Imagine a waiter’s response when she randomly asked one day: “Are boy cheese sandwiches made with stinky cheese?”
My niece called suckers “suck yous” We were in the pediatrician’s office when she first started calling them that – very loudly and sing-songy – I want suck you! Suuuuuck Youuuuuu!” She and my nephew also called fingers ‘thingers’
Another of my nieces called a burger a “hamburger sandwich”
Moustache = Smash Smash
Lunatic = Dick
My 5 year old calls handle
Bars on a bicycle – hold on ers, hospital – hostiple, my daughter calls. Crayons – crowns …still at 23,
My daughter at the age of 4 used to call scrambled eggs, scrambled ass. And my son at 3 liked ass cream (ice cream)
Oh forgot about my daughter at 5 calling an ambulance, aliens lol
My 3 yr old has quite a few but the one I’m loving right now? Hangaburger for hamburger – lol!!
We have 4 kids, so have heard a lot of weird pronunciations, ma melon = watermelon, cock = clock, Auntie Cake = Auntie Kate, titty = TV, & my personal favourite it took us awhile to figure out Fuckin’ = Franklin – he was saying ‘mommy, fuckin’ play, fuckin’ sing!’ Lol
my little one calls the fridge a frigerydater, but my favorite is what my niece used to call cotton balls. They were shooty poops. We never did figure out why on a earth she called them that, and it took forever to understand what she meant.
My 3 year old son can NOT say the word “collection”. It comes out “erection” every time. Cracks me up. One day we were at my daughter’s school for pick up and he was collecting sticks out in the field then came running over to me screaming as loud as he could “look, mommy, look! I got a erection!!!!” I died laughing at all the parent heads that snapped around.
I used to call my bathing suit “babeing suit”.
When my 11 year old was a toddler she called her eyebrows “eyebeers”
My little guy loved writing with “Maniacal pencils” for years. I couldn’t correct him and he said mechanical pencils from the age of 3 to the age of 7.
My son’s favorite foods are ‘vagina’ (lasagna) and pancakes and sausage on a ‘dick’. Took me a while to figure out the first one.
My four year old calls ice cream “Ass Cream”
My son use to want to go to the beach to see the sea-goggles (seagulls) and wear his bathing soup. He also wanted to drink shlock-shlock milk (chocolate milk). He’s 18…we still love to call them sea-goggles and shlock-shlock milk.
Love reading these! My kiddos:
magrillas – gorillas
campteen – canteen
bezert – dessert
bacation – vacation
Gingeraffs – giraffes
Pretendering – pretending
squirrels- squirms
argue vate – aggravate
My four year old daughter, Willow, could not pronounce her “L’s” very well. So up until five months ago, when someone would ask her name she said “WIDOW!” (Insert the WTH did you name your child face here!) Well now she can say WILLOW, and she likes naming off the Avengers characters, except when she gets to “Black Widow”, she calls her “Black Willow!”
She calls “dessert” zee-ert. I love that so much, that’s what I use now for dessert!
Oh and when she was a baby, maybe a year, I showed her Hello Kitty. I asked her, can you say Hello Kitty? Her answer: Hi Kitty!
Bumbo = Bimbo
These are awesome! My 2.5 year old calls the beach bitch. I think it’s sad that such a long warning has to be given to people about bad language. Omg “cock”! The audacity! Lol! I’m so glad I’m not a “pearl clutcher”!
My four-year-old calls the main Yransformer Octopus Crime.
My daughter called her forehead her “horefed” for a good 2 years. It was always a hard choice to correct her or enjoy the humorous mispronunciation.
My Mother used to to remind me that I called Dawn “dickwashing liquid” when I was a wee one. That’s the first time I’ve ever told anyone. Now I feel dirty.
My youngest daughter couldn’t say fire truck and instead would yell excitedly “fire fuck, fire fuck!” whenever we saw or heard them. Sometimes my eldest girl (10 years older) would deliberately ask her what firemen drove just to hear it for a laugh inevitably this would be at inappropriate times..
my daughter says virgin in place of version.
Beer = beards
My 4yr old son calls it “daddy’s beards”
And yes his dad has a beard. Idk if that’s where he got it but its funny either way. I even started saying it lol
my 2 year old calls helicopters “hotittopters”
she also says Christmas like “kisspiss”
My three year old daughter calls balloons “bomamoons” she also calls cheeseburgers “cheeseboogers”
My 2 1/2 year old son calls burger “booger”.
He also calls freckles “fuckers”.
My daughter used to say “fatuate” for flatuate. We just thought it would be funny to hear her say big words at 2 years old. It stuck. She’d yell in a restraunt “excuse me!! Me fatuated!!!” And she called cows puppies (???) And would ask if I was going to “make a cigget” and could she go outside too.
My youngest says that the sharks make the noise ” donut donut donut “
I forgot another favorite: bathing suit = baby suit. We went swimming this morning, and as we pulled out our suits, my daughter said, “there’s mommy’s baby suit, daddy’s baby suit and Libit’s (what she calls herself) baby suit!”
We heard pornado sirens on Saturday. Also, moustaches used to be a moose rash. “That man has a big moose rash.”
For weeks, our then 18 month old son had been using the word “fucky”, but we could not figure out what he was referring to. One day I received a message from our daycare provider that, while drinking her morning cup of joe, he pointed to it and announced, “fucky!” Mystery solved. We still use that word-among adults, of course!
Lemolaid = Lemonaide
Crashcran = trashcan
Ha-toe = tahoe (our car)
Tootsie =cookie
My son is going to be six and he says croaked instead of crooked. He can say it correctly,but chooses not too. LOL
My toddler’s favourite movie of the week was Fox and Hound. I laughed everytime she asked for it, (and had some ‘splainin to do to Nana and Grampie), Fuckin’ Hound!
I will never forget when we where on a walk with my father in law, who had a walking stick. My son very loudy yells “wow papa you have a big dick” still cracks me up to this day.
“I have a boobie mama. Kiss my boobie” (boo boo)
6 and 8 at the time in a pet store and I buy my each a beta for their new fish bowl….at check out 8 year old states he will call his Master Shifu, with that my 6 year old States that he was call his Master Beta, but that is not what everyone heard…lol
Oh, I have some originals!
Jew-Jabber = Screwdriver
Whores = S’mores
Herpes = Slurpees
Pecker-oni = Pepperoni
My 2 year old would call a helicopter a helicocker. And i giggled every time.
My nanny kiddos used to say the funniest things when they were younger. Hand sanitizer was hanitizer (we still call it that honestly) 🙂 and then for some reason banana bread was called a banana sandwiches. I guess the reasoning was that you make sandwiches with bread. Lol.
These are awesome! When my daughter was a younger reader, (now 10), we drove past a coffe shop one day that said Free Wi-Fi. She yells from the back seat, “Mom, can we go? I want free WHifee!” We still call it that. My youngest, when she was 2 ( now 7) use to call her sister “Ass” or ” Assin”.
My kids are eleven and fifteen now, but we still call band-aids “bing-bings” because it’s too cute.
My favorite from this list is butt rash for mustache!
Frog – Fuck
Beach – Bitch (awesome since we live in FL)
OPAmeal- Oatmeal ( I picture flaming cheese in a bowl every morning)
🙂
My nieces used to say Fucksicle when they wanted a Fudgsicle. Then when my son wants Goldfish, everyone seems to think he just said Goldshit.
My son says “Gay Bars” in place of “Granola Bars.” You can imagine how embarrassing this is in public! “I want a gay bar, please mommy.” 🙂
My son the other day said “Cheese dick” in reference to a cheese stick, of course.
In discussions with my three year old (lovingly referred to as “the ginger baby”) we asked him what type of haircut he’d like. He screamed “a moocock”! Took a second, and him screaming it five more times, to realize he meant “Mohawk”. Until the end of time a Mohawk will always be known as a Moocock in our household!
My son used to call an elevator an “alligator” and was afraid to get on because he thought it would eat him. Which is kind of ironic really, given that I have a fear of elevators after getting stuck in one alone when I was 4 (I got on and evidently hit the door close button before my mom could get on and then continued to hit buttons because thats what you do).
My then 10 yod (keep in mind she wants to be a veterinarian) had her picture taken with a fish. You hold the fish out far away from you to make the fish look larger–we all do it. She said it was an “optional contusion”. When she was little she was always “purple X’d” (perplexed) about something. Another daughter gave her stuffed kitty a bath in the “water machine” (washing machine). These are just a few off the top of my head.
My son just turned 2 and is obsessed with building and playing in forts (that I have to make for him with blankets and pillows). Except he pronounces it fuck.
We’re also working on saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. So on any given day he yells “Momma make a fuck please!” about 100 times.
Sweepin Bootie = Sleeping Beauty
Banquet = Blanket
Wittle Assh*les = Little Rascals
Extra Gator = Excavator
Peanut = Penis
Wynnie = Aunt Lynnie
These are so funny. When my son was about four we were going to the store and from out of nowhere he screamed “Dad look! A misterbushy!” He was so excited to see a real Mitsubishi. It was his favorite car at the time.
My 2 year old son could not pronounce “clock”… And during this time he could not pronounce correctly it just so happened to be his most favorite thing; not to mention he was amzed how they came in all shapes and sizes. He called it “cock” and would loveeeee to talk about all the big “cocks” he could see at the store. will never forget while in target she spotted a clock several isles away and started talking loudly about the big cock- I wan at see it momma, can I touch the big cock”- people looked at me like I was insane!!!! I died and ran
Our two year old gets so excited about frogs. Only in her little world frogs = fucks… When our 5 year old was little Ella shits = elephants. Gotta love the littles and their mispronounciations. 🙂
Our son also used to call mustaches “mushnashes”. We still call them that.
[…] 38 Words Totally Butchered By Toddlers: Mommy Shorts is at it again and this totally SLAYS me. […]
Pie Shit = Pirate
Fuck = Truck
My son called a fork a “fuck” for a year. We would be in a restaurant and he would yell the he needed a “fuck” and would repeat it over and over! We finally just got him to eat with a spoon!
My son called lines wines. So once, he got back from my mom’s and kept saying “the wine, the wine” and I was like, “what’s Grammy been teaching you??” and then he said, “the FINISH wine!” and I was like ohhhhhh…. lol
We were working on a puzzle of endangered birds and my son ask if I was done building the pinklingo (flamingo)
Too funny! My son similarly always called them pinkalingos!
My littlest called dragons “fuckings”. He also called giraffes that because he thought they were the same thing.
My oldest called angels “anals”. Church at Christmas was interesting.
My oldest called elephants eletrunks for the longest time. I was sad when he started pronouncing it correctly! Not only was it cute, but accurate 🙂 He also quite distinctly (and often since we live close to a very small airport) shouted helicock whenever he saw a helicopter!
Some of my favorite ones from my son:
Fuck-ee (coffee)
Boobies (blueberries)
Free fuck (big truck)
He really likes trucks so whenever he sees one its ‘Ooh! Free fuck!’
While driving by the clock tower my toddler yells “look mommy, look it’s a big cock! Look at the big cock!” and explaing how her baby brother eats, it’s “from mommy’s nibbles”
My now 16 year could perfectly pronounce and understand the meaning of Marine Biologist by the age of 2 yet still had so many mispronunciations that we call them Gracieisms.
Some of the highlites:
Ping Tails – Pig Tails
Pine Coins – Pine Cones
Merry-Mo – Mario
Boob Thing – Bra
Window Cellar – Window Sill
Gyoghurt – Gilbert (Caillou’s cat)
and my personal favorite
Nudies – Noodles
Our son called strawberries “norties” and blueberries “boobies” and quite often had them together…. Blueberries later became “blueblees”.
His first word was “BURRR” (bird) later changed to “BURDEE-DEE-DEE” when he got overexcited! The whole house still uses “fablius”
We clean up the “glitter” at the park sometimes.
dump truck=dumb fuck
guy=die (fine until the kid starts pointing to one in the store and saying it over and over)
stick=dick
wing-a-ting-ting=orangutan
Low lying shrub = sofa
Peckerwood (instead of woodpecker).
When my now two-year-old was learning to talk, he said “Fuckall” when he meant football. We live in Wisconsin, so there is a LOT of Packers coverage. We could be anywhere and he’d see green and gold and yell, “Peckers fuckall!”
Sadly my boys are no longer toddlers but the mispronounced words that I always remember are Gorilla Bars (Granola Bars), Circle Tacos (tostadas) and of course the Disney classic Fucking Around (The Fox and the Hound).
I had a friend who watched my dog Baxter, her kids kept calling him Basterd.
Watermelon = waterlemon
Chocolate = chocate
My 2 year old daughter had a really hard time with the word “Ostritch” so she would say she wanted to watch “OLIVE DA OSBITCH”
Awesome! Its actually amazing paragraph, I have got much
clear idea concerning from this piece of writing.
My 2.5 year old daughter has some gems right now!
Sunglasses = stungasses,
sunscreen = scrunscream,
prunes = poop berries (editorialized with “they love me” and “thank you for helping me with my poop!”),
clock = cock,
cinnamon = medicine,
hummus = pumice,
vitamins = kitty cat foxes (?)
The two year old I care for calls his favorite blue shirt “bull sh*t” ????
Tonight we turned on the sprinkler in the yard to water the grass a little bit more since it has been so dry in Texas this summer. My daughter decided she needed to run through it fully clothed and came back over and said mommy I’m running through the sprinkcycle. We thought it was pretty funny.
I have four kiddos, so we have plenty of these:
Moonicorn for unicorn
Sidewards for sideways
Street beeps for street sweeps
Fresh toast for French toast
Sharps for sharks
Tomatoes for tornadoes
These are just a few that I love. I particularly do not look forward to the day that my daughter realizes that they are not, indeed, called moonicorns.
LOL these are so funny! My daughter has a lot of funny mispronunciations and some of them are too funny not to correct!
Some of them are:
Fooey Deese = Fur Elise
Toof pase = Toothpaste
Booberries = Blueberries
Twuck = Truck(She’s the only kid in her entire class that doesn’t pronounce truck as a bad word)
I have a son who is only 4 months and is not old enough to talk yet, but I hope that he will probably mispronounce words like that too!
My youngest says “extamer” instead of exterminator, and Aminal Cussing for Animal Crossing(a game he saw at the video game section at Walmart)
My nephew pronounces chaos as chows. No matter how many times he is told that is “Kay-oss”, he doesn’t listen and calls it chows anyways, which annoys his mother and teachers.
My daughter used to say cock instead of clock. It was kind of awkward when she yelled in the clock section of the store. LOL
Shroeder from Peanuts is “Shit Odor” to my son. It always make us laugh when we hear him say it in the store.
Also Plankton is Pankum and Squidward is Ickward. 😀
My toddler asked for “Cop porn, please.” I was pretty relieved when I deciphered that one. (Popcorn)
a salami is a giant wave! (Tsunami)