1) That your little hellions sleep at least an hour later than usual.
2) That when they get up, they decide to go to the kitchen and make themselves their own breakfast. How hard is pouring cereal in a bowl?
3) That one kid figures out how to use the Apple TV remote to access Netflix while the other kid climbs the kitchen counter to find the iPad so she can repeat the same Paw Patrol episode on YouTube until her heart’s content.
4) That at no point during their unsupervised time does either child decide to take out the Playdoh.
5) That when one of the adults finally finds the strength to roll out of bed and check on the kids, that adult is your husband/boyfriend/partner/spouse/etc.
6) That your husband/boyfriend/partner/spouse/etc. decides to bathe the kids (hair washing included!) while you sleep at least another hour. Bonus if the inevitable crying (“THE WATER IS IN MY EYES!!!!!) isn’t loud enough to wake you up.
7) That when you do wake up, you find a steaming hot cup of coffee and a plate of pancakes with more than enough syrup on a tray next to your bed. On the tray, there’s a note that says, “This was made without any help from the kids. Therefore, it is safe to eat.”
8) That the door is closed tightly and the kids are fully occupied in the other room, so that you can enjoy your breakfast in peace, without any worries of someone jumping on the bed and spilling a full glass of orange juice on your new duvet.
9) That you follow up your breakfast in bed by walking straight into your bathroom to take a shower, without any detours into the living room/kitchen/play area to make sure the kids are still alive.
10) That you spend twenty luxurious minutes in that shower before you even pick up a bar of soap, with no unexpected little visitors peeping behind the curtain.
11) That when you finally emerge from the bedroom after getting ready at a pace previously reserved for childless people, your children are not only alive— they stop what they are doing, look up, make meaningful eye contact and all shout in unison “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!”
12) That when you wake up from your ridiculous Mother’s Day morning fantasy at 6am because your baby started crying and your newly potty-trained toddler wet the bed and realize Mother’s Day isn’t all that different from a normal day…
You still feel kinda blessed to be a mom.
For more parental distraction, follow Mommy Shorts on Facebook. Want Mommy Shorts delivered daily or weekly to your inbox?