Last week Mike was away for work and this week our nanny is on vacation so things at home have gone a little off the rails. Getting out the door in the morning has been chaotic to say the least. I honestly don't know how single mothers do it. 

Seriously— do you bathe your kids more than once a week? Because that's impressive and someone should give awards to single mothers with clean children.

To make matters more complex, Harlow has recently learned how to climb up to the top of the coffee table. The second you put her down anywhere in the apartment, she beelines straight for it, climbs up that chair (or whatever else she can find) and sits on top with a look of accomplishment so great, it's really hard to spoil it for her by putting her back on the floor.

Mazzy was never a climber so this adds an unexpected obstacle to my main goal— keeping the children alive.

What else happened these past few weeks?



Mazzy's been busy pinning Halloween stuff onto her Pinterest board. We've got sparkly pink pumpkins, pink and purple "corn candy", and Holly Madison in a Tinkerbell costume. With a board full of things like pink whale cookies, bicycles made out of Oreos and dogs wearing shirts, Mazzy's Pins is a pretty fun place to be.

A bunch of you have said that Mazzy's board inspired you to start a board for your kids as well. Please leave a link to your board in the comment section. I'd love to check them out.



My skinny little munchkin weighs in at 15.3 pounds at 10 months. Our pediatrician told us to fatten her up for the winter by adding butter and cream to her food. Why can't my doctor tell me things like that?



It's actually supposed to be me as a baby, which explains the swaddle but does not explain the fact that I look like a character from Where the Wild Things Are.



Do you remember the episode of Seinfeld when Jerry gets his dad a Cadillac because it's the ultimate thing that would symbolize his son's success? Two weeks ago, I got to do that for my dad, except instead of a car, I took him to the finale of America's Got Talent.

For some odd reason, my father is OBSESSED with America's Got Talent. After each episode, he emails me and my sister clips of the best acts to try and convert us into fans of the show. I haven't had one conversation with him in over a year that doesn't somehow include how WOWED he is by the talent in America.

Anyway, when Orville Redenbacher randomly invited me to the finale, I told them I would love to go if I could bring my father. They said "yes" and I made it into the biggest, best surprise ever.

I imagine his reaction would be the same as surprising a child with a trip to Disney World.

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He was even more excited when he learned we got to go to the Orville Redenbacher lounge. "Really???!!! That's where all the contestants hang out!!!!" We took pictures wearing the trademark glasses and bowtie and then he smuggled two bags of popcorn on his way out.

When we were walking down the aisle to our seats, my father (humble guy that he is) said, "Ilana. Watch this." Then he threw his hands up in the air like he was Howard Stern. Everyone started applauding because apparently the audience at the finale of America's Got Talent will applaud at anything.

My dad spent the evening chatting with everyone he could about the contestants, because he was finally surrounded by people who felt as passionately about the show as he does. And for a perfect ending to the night, his favorite won.

So, a big thanks to Orville Redenbacher for saving me $65,000 because now I don't have to buy my dad a Cadillac.

I hope everyone has a great weekend! Since I was left alone with the kids all week, my husband has given me permission to go out to a childless brunch with some friends. HOW EXCITING IS THAT???? Almost as exciting as Disney World.

See you back here next week,

— Mommy Shorts

PS: If you haven't watched The Mommy Show yet, please check it out!