I debated writing this post. I'm a little leary of putting stuff out there that my daughter won't want people to read when she gets older. BUT— judging by the huge response when I alluded to our "poop problems" on facebook, I think this needs to be discussed.

I'm going to talk about this in the most general way possible and give my daughter a pseudonym. In fact, we are not talking about my daughter at all. We are talking about a three-year-old girl who is a friend of a friend's cousin.

Second cousin-in-law, actually. 

Her name is… Priscilla.

Priscilla has been potty trained for about nine months. By potty trained, I mean pee-trained. Poop training has proved to be a different animal entirely.

It doesn't actually effect her day, because Priscilla has learned to hold in her poop until her parents put on her night time diaper. Then she waits until the lights are off and the door is shut to go about her business. Five minutes later, "Moooommmmm!!!! I pooped!!!!"

At least, that's what Priscilla's parents tell me.

A week ago, Priscilla's mom posted about this issue (she also has a blog) and someone suggested she put a diaper on her daughter when it was time to poop, but have her sit on the potty.

Hmmm… (thought Priscilla's mother)…. that sounds crazy enough to work!

Priscilla thought wearing a diaper on the potty sounded hilarious but when it was time to actually do the deed, she was far from amused. After five minutes of potty time, Priscilla claimed she did not, nor would she ever, have to poop.

So Priscilla's parents did the only thing left in their arsenal. They sent their daughter off to bed without her night time diaper. Then they sat on the couch in the living room and waited to see what was going to happen. 

Prisicilla's mom wondered aloud.

"I wonder what is going to happen…"

Priscilla's dad stated the obvious.

"Well, she's either going to get up and poop in the potty or she's going to poop all over herself in the bed." 

But Priscilla proved to be much more resourceful than either of her parents imagined.

Priscilla chose OPTION #3. 

She came out of her room and announced she had pooped. Her parents were confused.

"Where? In your underwear?" 

Priscilla shook her head.

"No, in my diaper." 

After putting two and two and a very smart three-year-old together, Priscilla's parents figured out their daughter had gone into her closet, located the diapers, put one on herself and pooped in it. 

In other words, Priscilla had just proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was TOO OLD TO BE USING DIAPERS.

Once her diaper was changed, Priscilla's parents sent their daughter back to bed in underwear. Priscilla did not wet the bed that night which was a nice bonus to their eventful evening. It also meant that there was no turning back.

Two nights passed with no pooping altogether (in the potty or otherwise) and on the third night, well let's just say the back-up had taken its toll. This back-up happened to coincide with Priscilla's dad being away on a business trip (this will become important later).

This is where the story gets dicey and I wonder if perhaps I should institute laws of TMI and protection for the poop-averse before I allow myself to continue writing.

Okay. I got a signed document from Priscilla's parents giving me the go-ahead.

After lights out, Priscilla pulled the same poop in the diaper trick. But when Priscilla's mom dumped the poop in the toilet (as she had been doing for over a year because of something she read somewhere that said this would help children understand where poop should go), the backed-up poop was so large and so solid, it clogged the toilet. And not like a poop normally clogs a toilet. This poop clogged the toilet because it literally acted as a toilet plug— preventing everything and anything (including itself) from going down.

The poop was so extraordinary Priscilla's mom took a picture and texted it to her husband, because what else are smart phones for???

If you've got a visual going (my apologies), but you probably realize that a plunger would be of no use in this situation. Priscilla's mom thought and thought about the best of course of action, and finally decided on a wire hanger. I will leave it to your imagination to determine what she did with said hanger. I'm not even sure I know myself since I wasn't there. Obviously.

After the toilet plug was successfully flushed, there was still the small matter of a three-year-old who needed wiping. A LOT OF WIPING. There was so much wiping involved that Priscilla's mom kept instructing her daughter to bend over as far as possible so that she could successfully wipe everything clean. 

Unfortunately for everyone involved, Priscilla ultimately bent so far over that she accidentally did a somersault on the bathroom floor.

A bottomless somersault.

With poop yet to be wiped.

And this is where Priscilla's mother's story ends. In fits of laughter. Next to a clogged toilet and a filthy hanger. As far away from poop training as ever. Wishing for matches so she could burn the whole bathroom to the ground.

*This post will self-destruct as soon as Priscilla is able to read.*