1) You’ve poured out your purse to find a pen in a meeting and a pair of My Little Pony underpants fell out.
2) You think “the gym” is still a place where people exercise but you can’t be sure because you haven’t gone in three plus years.
3) You’ve used your pumping schedule to get out of a ridiculously boring meeting.
4) You’ve said “I have to take my kid to the doctor” so many times, you’re sure your boss thinks you are lying, even though it has been true every time.
5) You’ve tried and failed to have a meaningful conversation with a toddler over Skype on a business trip.
6) You drink more coffee than when you were studying for finals back in college.
7) You’ve spent half the day at the office before realizing you have an Elmo sticker stuck to the back of your shirt.
8) You have three sets of clothes: things I wear at home, things I wear out at night and work clothes that allow me to pump in the lactation room without getting fully naked.
9) You’ve wrestled your leg away from your child before sadly walking out the door.
10) You’ve been stuck in a car with co-workers on the way back from a client when someone asked if anyone had snacks. You replied, “Snacks?! Of course I have snacks!” Then pulled out plastic baggies full of goldfish and applesauce squeezies for everyone.
11) You’ve been knocked over by the love of an overly enthusiastic toddler screaming “Mooooommmmmieeeee!!!!!” when you walk in the door at the end of the day.
12) You’ve been totally ignored when you walk in the door, forcing you to approach your apathetic three-year-old and say, “What? No hello?”
13) You know that closing the zipper compartment around the motor of your breast pump will make the pumping noise low enough to participate in a conference call.
14) You’ve infected your entire office with a preschool stomach virus.
15) You were late to work because you dropped your kid off for school totally fogetting it was “Pajama Day” and then prioritized going back home to get your child pajamas over whatever it was you had to do at work.
16) At least one of your male co-workers have seen your breasts. And not due to a torrid office affair.
17) You’ve shouted into a phone in an open office full of people, “YOU POOPED IN THE POTTY??? THAT’S AMAZING!!!”
18) In addition to playing princesses and superheroes, your daughter plays “going to work” which consists of pretending to type on a computer while yelling “I said, give me a second!”
19) You’ve bribed your child with cookies and Toy Story so she’ll leave you alone while you conduct a business call from your bedroom.
20) You’ve laughed at the 22-year-old junior employees when they complained about being “so tired” after one late night out. Amateurs.
21) You were asked to volunteer for a school function and could barely contain your laughter.
22) You’ve felt guilty for leaving your kids on a particularly rough morning because you had to go to work.
23) You’ve felt guilty for leaving your team before a project was finished because you had to go home to see your kids.
24) You’ve thought numerous times about what it would be like to stay at home, but ultimately, whether it be because you love your work, you need the money or you wouldn’t be happy home all day with the kids, you know this is the best decision for your family.
What would you add to the list?
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