1) You’ve poured out your purse to find a pen in a meeting and a pair of My Little Pony underpants fell out.
2) You think “the gym” is still a place where people exercise but you can’t be sure because you haven’t gone in three plus years.
3) You’ve used your pumping schedule to get out of a ridiculously boring meeting.
4) You’ve said “I have to take my kid to the doctor” so many times, you’re sure your boss thinks you are lying, even though it has been true every time.
5) You’ve tried and failed to have a meaningful conversation with a toddler over Skype on a business trip.
6) You drink more coffee than when you were studying for finals back in college.
7) You’ve spent half the day at the office before realizing you have an Elmo sticker stuck to the back of your shirt.
8) You have three sets of clothes: things I wear at home, things I wear out at night and work clothes that allow me to pump in the lactation room without getting fully naked.
9) You’ve wrestled your leg away from your child before sadly walking out the door.
10) You’ve been stuck in a car with co-workers on the way back from a client when someone asked if anyone had snacks. You replied, “Snacks?! Of course I have snacks!” Then pulled out plastic baggies full of goldfish and applesauce squeezies for everyone.
11) You’ve been knocked over by the love of an overly enthusiastic toddler screaming “Mooooommmmmieeeee!!!!!” when you walk in the door at the end of the day.
12) You’ve been totally ignored when you walk in the door, forcing you to approach your apathetic three-year-old and say, “What? No hello?”
13) You know that closing the zipper compartment around the motor of your breast pump will make the pumping noise low enough to participate in a conference call.
14) You’ve infected your entire office with a preschool stomach virus.
15) You were late to work because you dropped your kid off for school totally fogetting it was “Pajama Day” and then prioritized going back home to get your child pajamas over whatever it was you had to do at work.
16) At least one of your male co-workers have seen your breasts. And not due to a torrid office affair.
17) You’ve shouted into a phone in an open office full of people, “YOU POOPED IN THE POTTY??? THAT’S AMAZING!!!”
18) In addition to playing princesses and superheroes, your daughter plays “going to work” which consists of pretending to type on a computer while yelling “I said, give me a second!”
19) You’ve bribed your child with cookies and Toy Story so she’ll leave you alone while you conduct a business call from your bedroom.
20) You’ve laughed at the 22-year-old junior employees when they complained about being “so tired” after one late night out. Amateurs.
21) You were asked to volunteer for a school function and could barely contain your laughter.
22) You’ve felt guilty for leaving your kids on a particularly rough morning because you had to go to work.
23) You’ve felt guilty for leaving your team before a project was finished because you had to go home to see your kids.
24) You’ve thought numerous times about what it would be like to stay at home, but ultimately, whether it be because you love your work, you need the money or you wouldn’t be happy home all day with the kids, you know this is the best decision for your family.
What would you add to the list?
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Amen Sister! I love everything about this post, it is SOO TRUE. This morning halfway to the daycare, my husband and I realized my 2 year old was missing one shoe, my son kicked it off while he was throwing a tantrum, needless to say we went back home to get it. Mornings like this really make me wanna throw the towel and just stay at home with him, but right I’m doing what is best for my family, and it helps me to know that my son has tons of fun at the daycare and there are many awesome teachers that love him and take excellent care of him.
The last one. I have to remind myself why I leave my son. Every. Single. Day.
Love the last one, I thought I would always want to stay home but now that I have a kid, I know I would feel guilty about spending any money if I wasn’t making any and would be a terrible yeller of a mother if I had to be with my son all the time.
I agree and have experience almost all of those!! I wrote a blog about why working is the best for me and my family. I miss him everyday, but I don’t regret my decision for a second. Check it out here. http://cassidi-thejjproject.blogspot.com/2013/02/bitty-bitty-bitty-i-asked-jj-what-to.html
You had me until “clothes you wear out at night.” Huh? Out at night? Out where? I don’t get it.
I agree! What is this thing called going out at night? I have pj’s, work clothes, yoga pants haha
I went from 10 years of 80 hour weeks and NEVER being alone in the same room with a child to a stay-at-home with twin girls. I MISS working. So much.
Substitute the little pony accessories with hot wheel cars or Lego pieces and that would totally be me.
sad, funny, and true! great post!
The guilt! Oh the guilt…drives me to drink more coffee. Thanks for this roundup!
you know you’re a working mom, when dinner is often a rushed pot of mac n cheese, so you have enough time to bathe and cuddle with them before putting them to bed since you only see them a couple hours a day and get home after a reasonable dinner time.
By the end of the weekend, you look forward to getting a “break” at work on Monday.
“During a regional business trip, you found yourself thoroughly enjoying what would normally be an awkward three-hour card ride with three of your coworkers simply because not once did you have to go fishing in the backseat for a dropped sippy cup, engage in any sing-a-longs, or scramble to find a bathroom smack dab in the middle of nowhere because someone suddenly had to go potty.”
That’s my contribution.
You are excited to go on an overnight business trip (even if it is to some place like Snake River, Idaho) because you’ll finally be able to go to the bathroom without your toddler following you in there to comment on your furry hootie, the color of your poop, or your use of ‘pampons’.
You had too much work to do to make it to the lactation room so you put a sign up on your door that says “Pumping- Enter At Your Own Risk”
You’ve excused yourself from a meeting by saying “Pardon me, I need to use the potty”
Oh, this is so good. The very first one made me laugh; I’ve pulled pacifiers and SmartFood out of my bag at work and business cards and a blackberry have fallen out of it at the playground. This is so hilarious.
What about singing the “mail” song from “Blue’s Clues” when the mail is delivered? EVERY DAY of my life! 🙂
You know you’re a working mom when you’ve given up trying to identify or remove the mystery stains from your clothes.
You have no clue what TV shows your co-workers are talking about, but you can recite the plotlines to everything on the Disney Channel.
You’ve walked into the office carrying a half full sippy cup so it doesn’t smell by the end of the day. (I heard about that one for MONTHS!)
You’ve had to beg your boss to let you bring your little tyrant to the office because you had too much work to stay home, but you had no childcare.
Getting picked up right when school gets out is one of your child’s biggest dreams (This one kills me EVERY.YEAR.)
Coworkers have commented on your use of ‘crud’ or ‘fiddlesticks’ in moments of extreme frustration when more colorful words would be fitting.
When being “on vacation” isn’t all about YOU but about catching up with your kids! I’m an elementary school principal. It’s like trading parenting of 3 kids to parenting many more than that, it is doesn’t always feel like leaving for “work”. I love when I’m distracted and drive past the turn off to the babysitter Julie’s and my three year old says, “Uh Mommy? No Julie today?”
Love this! So true, all of it. Laughed at what our 3-year-olds think we do. Henry thinks I “write emails” all day as my job. Emails about what? “Work.” Ok then.
And I SO laugh at my younger colleagues (and my younger self) when they speak of being tired. HA! Oh, to be so blissfully naive. 😉
Oh my goodness! Closing the zipper thingy on the pump to cut the noise! Mind = blown. Except now I’m concerned that in 11 months of pumping I’ve failed to think of it on my own.
I am actually excited to try this tomorrow. It will seriously improve my current routine of frantically juggling the pump knob and the mute button.
Love this post. I bookmarked it so when I need perspective on this working and parenting bit, I can remind myself that many moms go through this same battle. This piece should be given to every mom as they return to work (plus a copy of the book The Milk Memos, locks to install on office doors for pumping purposes and an 8th day to the week).
To add to the list, I once told a colleague “night-night” in a high-pitched voice complete with a little wave as the person left the office. Go me! Clearly my toddler was on my mind at the moment.
Thanks again for a great post.
I’m sure you probably know this bc you mentioned having issues with it the other day, but ads are popping up like crazy again. Everytime I go back to your home page or click a new post, a video ad comes up.
You keep toys in your office for the days you have to bring the kiddo with you.
I’ve gone to the washroom in the afternoon to realize I had been walking around all day with a goldfish cracker stuck to my ass.
Another day I found a gummy bear stuck in my hair that my little girl must’ve “deposited” when I dropped her off at daycare. Of course, was also an hour after the president of the company stopped by my office to ask a quick question. Explains the “look”.
More often than not, I end up falling asleep at the same time as my toddler – ah, to live the “tired” life of a 20-something again.
Ha so true! Let’s see:
Rushing from a meeting to pick up my kids before I’m charged a dollar a minute.
Feeling fashionable in my black pencil skirt only to find a big smear of snot on it.
Definitely feel that mom guilt but at the same time, work is how I stay sane.
…when your coworkers are sick of hearing you point out every airplane and helicopter in the sky.
Well said. My favorite was when I showed up to work one morning with spit up on shoulder. I had no idea it was there until someone finally pointed it out. Ahhh… to be a mom in the workplace.
Oh my goodness. This was so spot on. Yesterday I left to tears gripping my legs and waving out the window. Today it was like “see ya – I’m busy watching Mickey Mouse and eating apple jacks”
I am not a working Mom but I do have four kids that are five and under. I have to agree with young people saying they’re “tired.” Whenever I hear teenagers complaining about how tired they are, I’m like, from what? Texting?
I ride my bike to work and the other day I forgot to pack office clothes. I threw on a sweater over my lycra and hoped I looked less than awful. I blame this on the kids being awake when I left the house.
I know right? I have work clothes and yoga pants and that is it. I think I have a dress or two pre child but that wouldn’t fit me now.
You know you’re a mom if you’ve had to stretch the office’s work from home policy because your childcare fell through…again 😐 You know you’re a mom when you’d rather work with all the adult babies in your office over wrangling your toddler while trying to get reports out at home.
I love this! Being a teacher mom, I don’t get the business trip stuff or the conference calls but I’ve often used Netflix Kids to get papers graded. Also, try pumping in a classroom…super fun!
“Mrs. Tanner, can we eat lunch with you?”
“Because, that’s why!”
#18 just made me snort at my desk. Both my kids spun their toy chests around and moved them a foot away from the wall. They are their “desks” and they play “work”. It is both hilarious and awful.
I understand this as I am a college student as well as mommy to a sweet wonderful 7 year old and she plays school all the time but instead of doing her school work she writes papers it is amusing lol