I snapped the photo above of my two girls communicating through a window. I love it but it has nothing to do with this post. Friday is usually the day I write a wrap-up, but for some reason, this week felt a little off.
Maybe it's because we are all eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Royal Baby?
Probably not. If there's one thing I learned this week, it's that my readers could give a shit about the Royal Baby. That is the least "likes" I've gotten on a post in a very long time. I should have trusted my instincts. I could give a shit about the Royal Baby as well. Well, I hope he/she is born healthy, happy and with an Apgar score worthy of a future king or queen, but that's about it.
So. Let's put Will & Kate's unborn fetus on the backburner and talk about some other very important babies that made the news this week…
THE BABY THAT BOUGHT A CAR ON EBAY
Sorella Stoute is 14 months old and the proud owner of a 1962 Austin Healey Sprite. That's a car, in case you are not up on your vintage vehicles.
Apparently, Sorella's dad often lets her play with his android phone. On one occasion, she stumbled upon the eBay app (beats Elmo's ABCs, I guess), selected the ultimate toy of all time and became the highest bidder with a purchase price of $202. Dad didn't know about it until he received the "congratualtions!" email.
That could have gone a lot worse, in my opinion.
As Rachell Bridwell noted on the Mommy Shorts fanpage, "My kids racked up an Amazon order of $800 on the Kindle. They bought virtual farm food coins or some BS for their game. They thought the $19.99 per 100 coins was play money."
Equally as bad, Lindsay Higgins' daughter bought "$400 worth of Smurfberries".
I hope Gargamel wasn't involved in creating the Smurfs' return policy!
THE BABY THAT ATE AT A SIDEWALK CAFE IN HIS CRIB
I'm not sure what to say about this because I have no idea what motivated a couple to wheel a crib down the street of increasingly baby-friendly Williamsburg (that's Hipster Central in Brooklyn for people not from NYC) so that they could pull it up to their favorite sidewalk cafe and eat a meal.
If the baby was sleeping perhaps I could understand (no, I still can't understand) but the baby looks awake in the picture so this seems totally ludicrous.
Maybe this is what hipsters do for attention once they procreate? Maybe their stroller was being used in an alternative art piece? Maybe the crib is a fashion statement too progressive for me to understand? Oh, I know! Maybe they are being ironic?
In any case, I hope they washed those sheets when they got home.
THE FIVE-YEAR-OLD THAT THOUGHT DADDY'S PHONE NUMBER WAS 911
When Chloe Olson's mother was choking, she remembered a song about calling 911 and dialed the number, thinking her father would be at the other end of the call. She addressed the male dispatcher as "Daddy" and told him what was wrong. He instructed her to open the front door and he would come home to help. She ends with "Ok, Love you, Bye." You can listen to the 911 call here.
By the time emergency crews arrived, mom had already recovered but that doesn't make Chloe any less of a hero.
Someone should buy Chloe a car.
On second thought, she could probably buy one herself.
And fill it with Smurfberries.
Alright. That's all I got. I'll try to post better stuff next week. Unless Will and Kate have their baby. Then I believe I'm required by British Law to bore you with that topic once again.
Have a great weekend!
— Mommy Shorts
PS: To officially close the "baby wig" topic, I've got 20 Adorable Things to Put on Your Baby's Head Besides a Wig on Babble today.