Kid

A few days ago, I came across a post called "Hipster Logic Problems" on McSweeney's and figured it would be the perfect post to rip-off. Except instead of solving indie rock band and L train problems, I'm solving problems about tinkertoys and minivans. Because REALLY. Who's got better problem-solving skills than moms?

8 MATHEMATICAL MOM PROBLEMS

#1) Mealtime Predicament

A mother cooks 1 protein, 1 vegetable and 1 starch for dinner at 5pm. By 5:15pm, 3 kids are seated at the table. By 5:30pm, 2 kids have rejected the protein while all 3 kids have rejected the vegetable and 0 kids have rejected the starch, leaving 15 discarded pieces of food on the floor. At what time does mom finally get to eat?

#2) Bedtime Dilemma

A child requests 5 books to read before bedtime. Mom agrees to read 3 books. After 3 books have been read, child asks for 2 more books. Mom says 'no' 5 times. After 15 minutes of whining and 5 minutes of crying, puting them 30 minutes past bedtime, Mom finally agrees to read 1 more book. How likely is the child to choose the longest book on the shelf?

#3) Preschool Problem

400 moms apply to 5 preschools. Each preschool has 50 spots. Each of the 50 spots has already been taken by 20 students with siblings, 5 children who have parents on staff, 3 children with famous family members and 2 children whose parents have volunteered to secretly deposit a large check into the headmaster's bank account. How many of the 400 applicants have a shot in hell at getting their toddler into Harvard?

#4) Roadtrip Pickle

It's 112 miles to Grandma's house and Dad is driving at 30 miles an hour due to 2 lanes being blocked for road construction. 2 kids, aged 3 and 5, are in the back seat watching Cars 2 on DVD. If KID A has to go to the bathroom at mile 47, and the first available exit is at mile 55, and KID B has been crying for the past 25 minutes because he left his Nintendo DSI at home, how much money will Mom spend at McDonald's to appease them both?

#5) Potty Training Teaser

A 2 year-old child has made 23 attempts to pee in the potty. Of the 23 attempts, 15 times nothing happened, 5 times the child missed and peed on the floor, 2 times the child actually hit the mark and 1 time the child fell into the toilet. If potty training continues for 5 more weeks before completion, how many pounds will Mom have gained due to excessive M&M's consumption?

#6) Clean-Up Quandry

There are 15 matchbox cars on the floor, 12 loose crayons on the kitchen table, 9 wooden vegetables in the fridge and 6 jigsaw puzzle pieces hiding underneath the couch. If mom gives 2 kids 25 minutes to clean-up before bedtime, how loud will she scream when she steps on a Lego in the middle of the night?

#7) Playground Puzzle

4 moms meet in the playground with a total of 7 kids. In the playground there is 1 slide, 4 swings and 2 jungle gyms. If MOM A has to say "Wait your turn" 25 times and MOM B has to scream "NO HITTING!" 17 times and MOM C has to give 12 lectures about "not eating sand" , how long before they all ditch the playground to go have drinks at MOM D's house?

#8) Smart Device Dispute

A family of 5 has 1 iPad and 2 smart phones between them. Each child is allotted 40 minutes of time with a smart device of their choosing per day. If KID A chooses the iPad and KID B starts crying because that's not fair and KID C hits KID B over the head with a PSP to shut him up, how much time does Mom spend hiding in the bathroom playing Words With Friends?

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If math isn't your THANG, feel free to check out this baby that looks like Chris Farley.