Once glitter has made it's way into your home, it's almost impossible to get rid of it. It may innocently come in through a preschool art project but it will spread faster than an airborne disease in an air plane.
You will throw away the offending item but the glitter will remain.
You will do everything in your power to be rid of it— sweep, dustbust, use a wet paper towel— but that glitter just seems to multiply, continually claiming new terrority.
You will break out the industrial vacuum, fumigate, enlist the help of a cleaning service and then finally— one day you will wake up and for a few happy moments, you will think— OMG! The glitter is gone!
But then a few hours later it will show up in the least expected place— like the top of a clean pile of laundry, garnishing your plate of penne pasta or worse, suddenly on your face.
You will pick at that lone piece of face glitter for the better half of a week but even though you have successfully cleaned up Chernobyl-sized disasters in the past, the piece of glitter will elude you. Too small for human fingers to remove.
You will shower and still it will remain. Embarrassing you in social situations when someone invariably announces, "You have glitter on your face".
"I know", you will say with shame. "I can't get rid of it."
This is why many refer to glitter as "The Herpes of the Crafting World".
Basically glitter is to mothers what STDs are to hookers.
An unwanted unavoidable side effect of an already tough job.
Say hello to my new "GLITTER BOMB" courtesy of Mazzy and Mike, created on Father Daughter Day at school.
Someone please instruct me on how to diffuse and remove it from my home with as little peripheral damage as possible.
In related news, today I'm over at Babble discussing options for dealing with Mazzy's growing supply of "art".
Yes, a trash can figures prominently.
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Thank you to my twitter friends— @momofthreeunder, @kdwald, @briconstable, @suburbansnaps, @ninjamomblog and @nearnormalcy for inspiring this post.
Wrap it back up and toss it out the window. Glitter has been outlawed in my house. By me.
Is that a…paperweight? Transvestite Wasp’s nest? Pencil eraser shape sorter?
I’m so confused.
Glitter around here only comes in glitter-glue form. Is kept on a high shelf where the kids can’t see it, and is only used over a flannel-backed plastic tablecloth while sitting and directly under my watchful eye. Oh, the horrors of glitter.
I think you should save it and put it in Mike’s drawer since he so thoughtfully brought it into the house. Let it haunt his socks and undies. Because what dude isn’t horrified by glitter undies?
I’m blinded with bling! Aaaaaah!
Yes! Revenge, justice. you say potat-oh . . .
I’m still not recovered from the Glitter Scalp incident of 2011.
HEY!! That’s mean!
Okay even as an art teacher I call it the herpes of the craft world. And if you think getting it out of your home is bad think of what happens in a stage show when they use that stuff on stage—all those beautiful black velour curtains…..
I used to teach elementary art. During my student teaching I came across this quote which has slipped out, on occasion, while teaching a group of, say, 2nd graders who can’t understand why they can’t decorate their still life drawings with giltter. To all those 2nd grade moms, I’m sorry.
“Glitter is the herpes of art supplies.”
lol, gobogirl, I am so slow at doing 20 things at once that I didn’t even see your post!!
MAybe in the sock drawer. Why should the glitter have to hide in his underwear? It should flash and glisten in a trail left behind as he walks down the street.
If you can’t get rid of it (since kids ALWAYS know when you toss something they made. I suggest multiple layers of a clear spray paint to seal in the glitter and then a shoebox you can put other like treasurers in, on a shelf, in a closet somewhere. So all the specialist presents like that will never get lost or broken.
“Should flash and glisten in a trail left behind”…awesome. Maybe it can alternate houses every night?
I have mixed feelings about having helped inspire this post. 🙂
As you know, glitter is for the most part banned in my home. And yet. It is everywhere. It’s a stealthy nemesis, entering your home through clothing, lip gloss, notebooks, stickers…it’s incredibly resourceful, hijacking the most ordinary objects and using them as transport directly to your microfiber sofa.
And it only gets worse when you have a boy. Not because he brings glitter into the house. But because the poor little man is victim to its insidious invasion. Can there be anything more humiliating for a young boy than to look like he’s wearing body glitter at all times simply because he dares to exist in a house with a little girl and her glitter bombs?? It’s difficult to be taken seriously when you have pink glitter in your hair.
I had a piece of glitter get in my eye once. I went to the ER for a brain tumor because I kept seeing flashing of sparkling lights and thought for sure my life was over.
Glitter is the brain tumor of crafting.
While one girl child equals a lot more glitter in your house than you could ever think possible, additional girls in the house is the stuff of nightmares. I can only imagine what households with four girls get in a week.
In a similar vein, seed beads are my nemesis. Mostly because they spit out the back of the vacuum and hit me in the foot. Those little suckers never seem to get sucked up.
How upset would Mazzy be if you “accidentally” dropped it and it broke? If she would get over it quickly, it might be worth it.
My best friend always referred to glitter as the “herpes of craft supplies” I’ll have to send this to her [and she doesn’t even have kids!]
I’m sorry, it’s already too late for you. Your only defense was to back away slowly the moment The Bomb entered your home, board up the windows, and move to Nebraska. If The Bomb has been in your house for more than 5 minutes, glitter particles have already taken up residence in the ductwork, where they’ll fornicate like bunnies and multiply until they’re blown out into every room the next time the heat kicks on.
I blame the bulk of our Glitter Infestation on my 7-yo daughter. The most common place I find glitter? On my 9-mo baby’s head. I have certain relatives that suspect we make the baby tend bar in a strip club on the weekends for extra cash, because she’s so often besparkled with unexplained glitter specks.
I’m convinced glitter is part of the preschool staff’s passive-aggresive revenge on us for dropping our kids off with them half the day.
I personally love glitter, I use it all the time in my scrapbooking, but I know I’m the minority. One way to get rid of it is to use a sticky lint brush, or a dryer sheet. Another way is to use spray adhesive on a paper towel or cloth, then spot it on the loose glitter. OR, if you don’t want it anywhere in your house, I suggest covering everything you own with a layer of corn starch or baby powder. Sure, everything will be dusty white, but at least there will be no glitter!
LMAO!!!! What did poor little Johnny do to deserve glitter on his “i’m so cool, i like skulls” t-shirt. my poor little guy ended up with that shit all over his clothes after I did their laundry together. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER PUT GLITTER ON CLOTHING!!!! I just told Grandma not to get anymore clothes for the girl with glitter. it is officially banned from her closet, as well as the rest of my house.
let’s gather all the glitter in the world, put on hazmat suits and shower Elle with it. Or maybe we can spray her with cornstarch.
heehee
I probably should have done that two days ago. But I needed to take a picture for the post first…
It is actually a transvestite’s wasp nest as opposed to a transvestite wasp’s nest.
There’s a big difference.
Think about it.
I like this idea. Who doesn’t need an underwear paperweight? Maybe I’ll shove some potpourri in the little holes.
You need to share.
I knew there was a reason I didn’t buy velour curtains for my bedroom. Glitter attraction!
Apparently, “the herpes of art supplies” is a commonly held sentiment. I thought it was just something funny my friends came up with on twitter! I have added it to the post.
I’m having a hard enough time finding storage for the paintings and drawings- who the hell has room for three dimensional art??
my son had glitter on this little newborn scalp as soon as his sister visited us IN THE HOSPITAL. she was wearing no glitter! where does it come from?! it’s like she oozes it from her pores. her poor brother has never been entirely glitter free for one whole day of his life.
I hadn’t considered this. Clearly glitter is a far worse fate to little boys with sisters than it is to us moms.
My heart goes out to him.
OH MY GOD. Is that true?
Here’s another true story.
I was staying at my dad’s over the weekend when I was about 13. He threw my retainer into the trash compactor by accident.
I pulled it out but it was already all bent out of shape.
I tried to bend it back but a shard of retainer shot out into my eye.
I had to be rushed screaming to the hospital.
Saddest pre-teen story ever.
I teach in an creative environment. I’m also in charge of ordering and organizing our art supplies. I SO wanted to toss out all of our glitter at the beginning of last semester, but some of my faculty members rebelled.
The box of glitter is now on a high shelf with the label “Please Use Responsibly.” 🙂
I think my parents might still be finding glitter from my bat mitzvah in their carpet.
I have never heard of these “seed beads”. Probably a good thing!
If I accidentally dropped and broke it, I would have officially failed at glitter diffusion.
Sure, why not?! People may think I’m a stripper, but oh well. =)
Apparently many people refer to it as that- I have taken the liberty of adding it to the post. Who knew glitter was so universally hated?
Really it should be banned from daycare/preschool/school. I went to pick up my not yet 2 year-old from her daycare and I see from a distance some weird stain on her face. It looked redish so I thought sauce? blood? HOT PINK GLITTER. All over her face, particularly around her mouth. Then she shows me her hands, glittered. Instead of washing her hands at the daycare, I threw her in the car to go home (it was late)… big mistake. I get her from the carseat and I see her licking her hands. Half the glitter is not in her mouth. Why would you do a glitter project with kids who are still picking dirt off the floor and eating them????
Glitter, Xmas tree needles, Easter grass…they should all be taken out back and shot.
I love that you captured the fact that it ALWAYS ends up on your face. That is a universal truth.
This makes sense.
A transvestite wasp would glitter up the interior, so s/he could enjoy it all day long.
A transvestite who own a wasp nest wouldn’t be able to resist adding Flair to the exterior, so s/he could enjoy it all day long.
Oh, I share your loathing of glitter and anything covered in it. I hate greeting cards covered in glitter, Christmas ornaments covered in glitter, strippers covered in glitter. Well, to be fair, I don’t like strippers anyway. The fact that they’re covered in glitter just makes it worse. 🙂
My kid doesn’t show any interest in glitter. Or Elmo.
Am I the luckiest mom in the world, or what?
Wrap that up and mail it to someone you REALLY love 🙂
Love it. This is why I only let my kids craft with maple syrup and paring knives. New Blog Post entitled ‘Sleep Tight Little One, Because The Magic of Childhood Is Sneaking Into Your Bedroom Again Tonight’:
http://mamasaidknockyouout.wordpress.com/
I don’t want to be the one to remond you of this, but you have a preschooler who has recently embraced Princesshood. Glitter is now part of your world. Accept it. One day Mazzy will be grown and you can sell your apartment, all of your furniture and clothing and be glitter free.
Possibly.
My empty nester neighbor said so and why would she lie to us?
I have a distinct love of glitter, and so does my five year old (serious artist) daughter. I think this is mostly because I don’t clean.. my husband, Mr. Wonderful does. He treats glitter like the plague.. every Saturday morning as he vaccuums and steam cleans, with a look of disgust on his face he mumbles to himself- “There’s just so much glitter. Too many girls here. No boys but me. So much glitter.”
That’s a great bomb, I love it, really!:))) I thin kI can do it today too!
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