Today is Elmo's birthday. Exactly what birthday is not clear.
Elmo has been around since 1972, during the early years of Sesame Street. He was officially brought into regular rotation in 1979. But the most popular answer seems to be that Elmo was born in 1985 when Kevin Clash got his hands on the red little monster and gave him his annoyingly high-pitched voice.
This means Elmo is turning anywhere between 27 and 40 today.
Of course, Elmo continually claims that he is turning 3 which basically makes him the Catherine Zeta Jones of the muppet world.
How does one celebrate the 30th time a muppet turns three?
If you are me, you try to put together an inappropriate Elmo video compilation but then stumble into a YouTube video vortex where Tickle Me Elmo has sex with every other mechanical stuffed animal in existence. Then you get super weirded out and abort the mission entirely.
Seriously. I watched Cookie Monster and Elmo get it on in a box. Complete with giggling and "me want more" and "AGAIN!" dialogue. My eyes and ears will never recover.
Well, they recovered momentarily and then I made the mistake of clicking on "Tigger and Elmo" and now I am officially blind. If you don't want to click (and I don't blame you), know that Tigger's bouncing action comes with "boing boing" sound effects.
I wish blindness had deterred me from clicking on "Elmo and Taxidermy Kitty" because apparently, there are some images so powerful that even a blind person can see them. I'll save you the trouble of clicking on the link and just present you with a screenshot.
Ok, I feel much better now. Like we are all operating on the same playing field. It's called "My Innocence Has Been Forever Altered Park".
Are you having fun yet?
If not, perhaps you would like to check out videos of Elmo falling down the stairs, committing toy shelf suicide and being burned alive.
So naive I was just a few short hours ago.
I also briefly considered posting a video of Jimmy Kimmel's Unnecessary Censorship which starts out with Elmo telling a baby to "fuck off" (hilarious) but then ends with a little girl giving Grover a hand job (totally disturbing). So that was out. Even I have my limits, Jimmy Kimmel!
And I'd love to post the video of Elmo singing "I'm Elmo & I Know It" but everybody's seen that already, right? (If not, check it out and make sure you watch until the end for the Jamie Foxx/Mr. Noodle seduction dance. It's as awesome as it sounds.)
That leaves me with nothing. Except the need for a drink.
So everybody, please raise a glass.
"To Elmo. You may annoy the crap out of me, but you keep my kid occupied while I go to the bathroom. Happy Birthday, my friend."
Alright, I'll give you one video…
If you haven't had enough of me or my furry little friend, I posted "10 Ways To Celebrate Elmo's Birthday" on Babble today.
#1: Talk in the third person all day, whether anybody is listening or not.
Have a good weekend and don't forget to stop by on Sunday for the Baby Bowl! (Ilana could care less about football so Ilana is happy to have something else to do! HAHAHAHAHAHA!)
— Mommy Shorts
Okay, that last video made me laugh aloud at work. LOUDLY. Yes, I know I’m welcome!
I did a Summer Theater program all through high school where I played in the pit orchestra. We didn’t have to memorize our music unlike, say, the cast, so we had more time to kill than they did. I have a distinct memory of our musical director bringing in a cassette tape of Bert & Ernie, edited to make it sound like they were having sex. I realize that this is “old news”, being that there are now petitions for them to get married, but at the time, this was the most HILARIOUS THING EVER.
So basically, Elmo is a 40 year old drunken slut. Good to know. Sounds like he’s well on his way to his next career as a Real Housewife of Sesame Street. Happy Birthday, Elmo!
I just fell out laughing over here! I watched ALL the videos! MY EYES!!!!!
Inappropriate Elmo videos at 9:49am? My day has already been made.
Hmm. I wonder what my students would do if I talked in the third person all day.
Poor Elmo. So abused and misunderstood. Of course,that’s easy for me to say. When my kids were small, Elmo was just a minor Sesame Street character, and Tickle Me Elmo hadn’t arrived on the scene at all.
So that’s what my kids were singing! They came home from school and were singing something about Dorothy in a tank and I didn’t have a clue. It’s from the I’m Elmo and I Know It song. I was all impressed they had come up with their own song. Not so much anymore…LOL
I think the whole point of the Noodles is to make Elmo seem like a reasonable companion for your toddler-distracting needs. I’ve already told my daughter that if she sees them rolling up in their Free Candy van, she is to run away.
Also, I’ve never seen anything on how many Dorothys they go through a season. I’ll bet it’s quite a few.
bwahaha, love it 🙂
(though elmo scares me… largely because a giant elmo doll with huge, hard, googly eyes KNOCKED MY FRONT TOOTH OUT. no joke. so now it’s on between me and elmo!)
I would advise you to NEVER go to Sesame Place in PA and attend the Elmo’s World Live show. Elmo is like 6 feet tall. I was kinda terrified… (My daughter was mesmerized…)
I don’t know why I feel the need to correct you, but here I go… Sesame Street started in 1969, not 1972.
Sorry to be pedantic. maybe I can take medication for it or something.
Thanks, I corrected it. Apparently, Sesame Street started in 1969 but Elmo didn’t exist until 1972 which makes it a little tricker of a sentence.
But I do like to be factually accurate.
My career in advertising depends on it. (HA!)
I watched Sesame Stree religiously as a little kid in the late 70’s and I swear to Big Bird I do not remember Elmo. I seriously thought he was a new muppet that came on board after my time. I can only assume at this point that I repressed any memory of him.
And that Jimmy Kimmel video was hilarious and, IMO, not at all inappropriate. I’m not sure what it says about me that I think that…
Dang it – now I have to buy a cake to support my 21 month old daughter’s obsession with Elmo. Maybe the new baby (due in 5 weeks) will love Big Bird – at least he speaks in real sentences!
Is Ernie & his significant other, Bert, better role models?
And then of course I clicked. I needed to work instead of sleep tonight, anyway. HEY THANKS.
I need some Grey Goose now. Mmmmmmm Vodka.
And sadly, I’ve just rethought it due to knowing I’m too old (older than Elmo) and I’d pay for it tomorrow. Sigh.
Ha ha! Perfect! Loved that cookie monster/elmo one. Reminds me of one of my all time favorite Elmo YouTube videos, that pharmacy prank call one that went viral a few years back. Totally different, not inappropriate, but still funny. This one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxwkyKV8PU4
I love the adult versions of Elmo – get your mind out of the gutter, I mean the stuff like Elmo’s unsuccessful Casino audition with Robert de Niro!
HAHAHAHAHAH oh that is fantastic. I’d like to see him and buddy the elf get together.
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