A while back (August 4th to be exact), I posted a story about my mother nearly slicing my labia on my wedding day. I asked everyone to tell me their own wedding horror stories in the comment section.
And there your stories sat until today.
I can't think of a better way to celebrate the day after Valentine's Day than with a "Worst Wedding Stories" comment competition!
We had grooms falling out of windows, unity candle tablecloths catching fire and something about a wedding video special effect that made an aunt's head of hair look like a giant blonde vagina.
After careful deliberation, I selected my ten favorite wedding snafus from under the post. (FYI- the groom falling out of the window didn't make it in because there was just not enough information.)
Now it's your job to tell me which is the absolute WORST.
Winner gets a screen printed onesie or kid's tee from Mimosa, a company started by two sisters that make original eco-friendly art, stationary and clothing for kids. Check out the three adorable Valentine's Day themed items below:
As a special offer, Mimosa is offering 15% off to Mommy Shorts readers up until February 22nd. Just use SHORTS15 as a promo code.
Ready for some godawful wedding stories?
Here are your competitors:
1. Susan said…
"Ten years ago, fish bowls were all the rage for reception decor. Unfortunately prior to our big entrance, all of our lovely gold fish kicked the bucket. The wedding party had to run through the reception hall franticly scooping them out of the bowls."
2. Megan said…
"My Mother decided in lieu of performing the traditional doting 'mother of the bride' role, she would just go ahead and get married herself. The day before. Husband #3 to be specific. Her argument was that it was very difficult for new Husband to take time off work and since we were going to be in Las Vegas anyway (destination wedding mind you: NOT spontaneous ceremony performed by Elvis on our part…); why not? She bought a wedding dress, shoes, even sent out her own announcements. It was like our very own wedding side show. Four years later, she still thinks this was entirely acceptable behavior."
3. Tracey said…
"I was none too pleased when my DJ, whom we asked to play Jay-Z's Empire State of Mind as our reception entrance song (we're huge Yankee fans) played the Darth Vadar theme song from Empire Strikes Back instead."
4. Nichole said…
"Prior to the reception, my husband gave his older brother envelopes containing tips for the various vendors. With less than an hour left of the reception my husband approached his brother and asked for the DJ's envelope. My BIL swore up and down that he had given the envelope back to my husband an hour prior. This enraged my husband, who had no recollection of this. Things got heated, words were exchanged, a punch was thrown and my husband actually had to be restrained. As I helped calm him down, he patted his pocket and found…the DJ's envelope. Guess he had had more to drink than he realized."
5. Steph said…
"Our ceremony took place in my parents' back yard next to my mom's large flower garden. I didn't know it at the time, but most of the attendees weren't paying attention to the service, because they were distracted by the HUGE spider crawling up the back of my dress. It kept slipping down the slippery material, so it never reached my waist. When I moved forward for the unity candle, it tumbled down my dress and disappeared. For the rest of the service, folks debated whether it had crawled under my dress, or had scuttled off into the grass. At least they were entertained!"
6. Momov2 said…
"At the reception, our best man got so jealous of another wedding party member who was dancing with his wife that he decided to punch a trashcan. Looks can be deceiving because what he thought was this little tin can was actually made of steel. Dude BROKE HIS HAND. Instead of the best man making a speech, he had to go to the emergency room."
7. Natasha said…
"Our DJ played 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' and our friend asked permission to "perform with it". We agreed. The 5-6 minute performance included him singing on the mic, the entire room gathering in a circle around him, him taking his shirt off and sliding across the floor, and eventually humping my mother-in-law's leg as she looked on in horror. The sections of our wedding photos are now called: 'Getting Ready', 'Ceremony', 'Reception', and 'Pour Some Sugar On Me'."
8. Amanda said…
"I got my period (completely out of the blue and a full week early) on my wedding day. Unfortunately, my sister was the one to discover this while helping me go to the bathroom two seconds before I was supposed to walk down the aisle (all I could see was miles and miles of white satin). I had EIGHT bridesmaids, two female photographers, two of my groomsmen's girlfriends, and 3 different emergency kits in that little room, but not. one. damn. tampon.
Various members of my wedding party then had to approach complete strangers in an art museum whispering for sanitary products. 15 minutes later, one of my girls produced an applicator-less tampon. I had NEVER seen one before so I had to ask how they worked. So yeah, I had to blindly finger myself on my wedding day in front of a roomful of people giving me verbal guidance."
9. Greta said…
"My first wedding took place in my childhood church but we didn't know the current pastor very well. My fiance's last name was long and Japanese, and even though the pastor had practiced pronouncing it during our marriage counseling session, he never once pronounced it correctly during the ceremony! It was funny the first couple of times, but as the ceremony went on (and the pronunciations got more ridiculous–he never said it the same way twice), I could see my fiance's family starting to get MAD. He probably said it seven or eight different ways that day, and somehow NEVER managed to get it right."
10. Cheryl said…
"We were at the reception in the ballroom of a hotel. It was the "throwing of the garter" portion of the evening when some woman in shorts and a tank top walks in, grabs the mic from the DJ and starts SCREAMING about how she and her 6 kids can't sleep because we're making such a racket.
Here's what happened next: My brother grabbed the mic from the woman. The wedding coordinator starts shoving the woman toward the door. The woman PUNCHES the wedding coordinator. My husband's (very large) aunt punches the woman.The best man shoves the woman into the elevator so my husband's aunt and the rest of the women in his extended family don't beat her senseless.
We found out later that not only was the room totally soundproof, but the crazy woman was staying in the hotel ALONE (no 6 kids). She was escorted out by the police.
It is a great story to tell now, but at the time, all I could think was that my fun, classy wedding had turned White Trash Fabulous really fast!"
Time to vote!
Winner will be announced this Friday. Good luck!