Mazzy has been perfecting the art of “Bedtime Stalling” for quite some time, so I could think of no better toddler to teach a course for beginners. Please excuse me while I turn this post over to my two-year-old daughter…
Bedtime Stalling 101
By Mazzy Wiles
Bedtime Stalling is something every toddler should master by age two. If you use my personally-tested strategies, by the end of this post, you should be able to push your bedtime a full forty-five minutes. With a little practice, you’ll be eating midnight snacks, watching horrible skits on Saturday Night Live and ordering Slankets off late night infomercials in no time.
LESSON ONE: PAJAMA WRANGLING & DIAPER CHANGING DEFLECTION
What has to happen before you go to bed? You must change into your pajamas. Make this change as difficult as possible by running around the house at full speed. If a parent catches you, keep your arms and legs moving. If he/she succeeds in getting your clothes off, do not let that deter you from making a quick getaway and running around fully naked.
LESSON TWO: A SUDDEN APPRECIATION FOR DINNER
This tactic is best carried out if you have a long established behavior of “not eating” like myself. I have spent a full year making a “big show” of turning down every dinner option offered. This way, when I show a sudden interest in nourishment at exactly the same time that my parents start the bedtime process, they are genuinely torn between their desire to get me into bed and their fear that I might starve to death.
LESSON THREE: YOUR TEETH CAN NEVER BE TOO CLEAN
Do you like brushing your teeth? If not, LEARN. Spending time on proper tooth hygiene is important for both a healthy mouth and serious bedtime deflection. Brush your heart out. Ask for more toothpaste. Ask to use the Dora toothbrush and then change your mind and ask for the Thomas one. Run your brush under the water for an inordinate amount of time. Decide your teeth aren’t quite clean enough and start over. You get the idea. When your mother finally decides enough is enough, employ my patented tactic— “THE IRON GRIP”.
LESSON FOUR: SECURITY ITEM(S) SEARCH PARTY
The more security items you have, the longer it will take your parents to locate them. I have established the need for two blankies and one (possibly two) sippy cups of water. About an hour leading up to bedtime, I suggest hiding these items around the house. Precious minutes will be awarded to you when your parents are forced to go on their nightly security item search.
Once they find them, it is helpful to pretend they did not get the right ones. If they bring a blue sippy cup, request an orange one. If they bring your blankie(s), say something simple like “the other blankie(s)”. This is particularly effective if there are actually no other blankies as it can lead to a wonderfully lengthy back-and-forth.
LESSON FIVE: BOOK SELECTION DIFFICULTY
Book selection is the crux of all bedtime stalling tactics so I will break it into three parts.
1. Time to select books: Take as much time as possible by not being able to make up your mind, asking your parent’s opinion and then dismissing it, not being able to find your “favorite” book, being distracted by a nearby toy, etc.
2. Length of books: Smart toddlers know that longer books equal longer bedtime routines. Which books are longer? The heavier, fatter ones. If you have trouble lifting the book and you catch your parent doing a quick eyeroll, chances are, you are on the right track.
3. Begging for more books: If your parent says that you can have two books, ask for three. If they say three, ask for four. The important thing is to never be satisfied. And just because you and your parent finally agree on a number, doesn’t mean you can’t beg for more later after all the books have been read. In my experience, after-reading begging works about 50% of time.
LESSON SIX: ENGAGE & AMAZE
The books are now finished and there is not much time between you and your bed. Perhaps a quick lullaby if you’re lucky. If your parent sings you a lullaby, always remember to say the word “AGAIN” when he/she is finished. If not— you must act quickly before the light is switched off.
It is at this point, you should employ extraordinary measures. All day, your parents have been trying in vain to talk to you, to get you to smile for the camera, to count to twenty, etc. Now is your time. Put on your most devoted smile. Conjure up every word in your vocabulary and try to start an actual conversation. Sing a song. Say “I love you”. Look he/she in the eye for a prolonged period of time. Your goal is to make it as tough as possible for your parent to walk away.
LESSON SEVEN: THE LAST CHANCE HURRAH
If your parent picks you up to place you in your crib, your stalling minutes are numbered. You can try to make a break for it— arch your back, kick your legs, protest, etc. But the way I see it, you’ve got two options— lie down and accept the inevitable or scream their name as they walk out the door.
My suggestion is not to fight it. You’ve done excellent work and there’s always room for improvement tomorrow. Slankets will be yours to purchase for quite some time.
Sleep tight, class!
———————
Does your kid have any strategies Mazzy missed?
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Theo would like to applaud Mazzy for this thorough explanation of how to delay bedtime. He also wants to know if she’s up for a Skype date prior to reading time.
I see Mazzy has been teaching Monkey tactic #1 – he runs around the house nekkid before bedtime and now, it’s become a ‘game’ of “Catch Me and Diaper Me if You Can, Mama”.
Also, teeth brushing takes FOREVER in my house. It’s been known to induce sleepiness in parents. Hey, new strategy?? Clever toddlers.
Even though we are friends, I refuse to let Bugs see this. Sorry Mazzy!
And why for the love of god even though Bugs has two teeth does it take ten minutes to brush them? She loves it?! UH!
Checklist in place and employed every night. The other night added “wait until all stories and songs are completed then have a huge temper tantrum over getting your nighttime diaper on, to the point Mommy gets totally fed up, then feels guilty over being fed up so returns for an extra 20 minutes of snuggles after the tantrum ceases even though by now it is past 9pm and I have to be up by 6:45am and did I mention I am not a morning person at least not when woken up by someone and given 30 minutes to dress, eat, get dolled up in winter gear, and get out the door?” …. yeah …..
OMG. The food thing! My daughter (who is six and who I’m certain lives on sno-cones and air) does this! Time for bed? “I’m hungry! Can I have [insert all healthy foods that she refuses to eat at any other time]”
My 3yo daughter has also mastered the Iron Grip. I have found myself wondering if my child has some sort of superhuman strength.
She forgot about the part where you wait 15 minutes, then accidentally “drop” your favorite blanket overboard.
Oh, so clearly Lucas was briefed by Mazzy at some point. Although, he clearly has one doozy Mazzy has yet to deploy called “More hugs, more kisses!” specifically designed to make you feel like crap should you walk out the door.
Anna does all that! And then for good measure decides that bed time is the one time she wants to “poop in the potty”. Despite the fact that she has NEVER pooped in the potty, I fall for it every time (maybe tonight she will finally get it!) and lug her to the bathroom where she sits on her toilet for 10 seconds before trying to make a break for it.
Oh typos in my comment. I wrote “clearly” twice. I spent the morning scraping puke off myself, Lucas and the bathroom floor which means I haven’t had coffee yet, so I’m gonna go ahead and excuse myself on that one.
My 6 yr old does too–I swear he gets all of his calories for day in the 30 minutes before bed….it is pathetic that I continue to fall for this
Losing the binky/blanket/froggie/etc. is a favorite of Miles’. “Where binky? Binky! Binky!” beginning a few minutes after I’ve put him down. And of course, when you go in there, it’s sitting right next to him. And since you’re in there, he’ll demand another book to start the process over again. If you don’t read a book, he’ll start throwing the binky out of the crib and then screaming for it, so you might as well just read one more book. He’s got us so trained.
True Story: What’s funny here is that my youngest, a tad older than Mazzy, does all of these things with success nearly 90% of the time. I kept the other three that came bfore him down to a success rate around 75%, but he’s got something they don’t. He’s got an insaitable need to cuddle at bed time. This is a child who will not sit still until it’s time for lights out. Then, in a wisdom beyond his years, he pulls out every kiss and caress. I’m screwed.
There’s the entire category of “feign toddler OCD” where Ella likes to point out anything in her room that is minutely out of place and insist I return it to it’s proper position. Adds countless minutes to bedtime!
My 4yr old has tested me to my limits at bed time but I have now gotten to the point of saying ” I don’t care, go to sleep” not my finest moments during the bedtime routine. But my 2yr old has learned to test other people when she is being watched. I had a friend stay over a few weeks ago and I fell asleep early and left her to watch the kids (besides what are friends for) I woke up the next morning and she told me that she was sent on a search for “pumba” the night before and was completely unsuccessful. I laughed a little as I told her I never knew she had a “pumba”. My 2yr old came up to us and my friend asked her “did you find ‘pumba'” and she replied with a little giggle “nooo, there is no ‘pumba'”
Katie also uses the “Put All of My Babies to Bed Too” tactic. And there are 7 babies, so yeah…
Mazzie’s pretty good though, I have to admit!
And thus enters my theory as to how parents know when they are done having kids – when they reach the one where they just give up. Not to be confused with needing different parenting styles to match different temperaments, but just plain and simple give up. ” What you want chocolate? But dinner is in half an hour and … ok, whatever”. ” What? you want more snuggles? But it’s already 15 minutes past bedtime and … ok, whatever” ” What? You don’t want to use the potty even though you are getting too large for diapers and have a large vocabulary and clearly have the ability to do it, just choose not to? But we really should … ok, whatever”. “What? You want to be picked up? But you are a big (girl/boy) now andvMommy’s back hurts and … ok, whatever”. “What, you are going to have a temper tantrum in public? When I used to be able to time your sibling(s) outings to avoid the triggers? And people will stare and probably judge but I have to buy groceries for the rest of the family as they shouldn’t starve? Ok, whatever!” 😉
Rebecca can be the TA teaching the companion course in NapTime stalling 101, providing some anecdotes from the field on the effectiveness of Professor Mazzy’s methods.
Today alone:
1) After throwing a fit in the Supermarket for American cheese, refusing the American Cheese. Then when Mommy says lunch is over, DEMANDING the American Cheese
2) Asking for a story before nap. Knowing that Mommy will say OK in hopes that mimicking the bedtime routine may help with naps, choosing “The Cat in the Hat”.
3) Asking to sing the Driedel song about 5 times. How long after the holiday season before it becomes outright weird to keep singing it?
When they start to toilet train, there’s the need to pee not once, but 10 times.
Two lessons from my 2-year-old Vittorio:
1 – After all the other reading-a-library’s worth of books (I employ ALL the same tactics as Mazzy, btw), suggest reading one book in each room of the house. I’ve got my parents switching off from “one in the living room, two in Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom, and…pick-a-number in my room!”
2 – Play to their hearts. Once put down in bed, as they’re walking out the door, say “One more kiss, please!” followed by “one more”…then see how long it works (a fun game, I swear!)
My son has a list-ditch strategy: if Dada worked late, and he walks through the door as my son is going into the crib, then we’re back at the starting line. He must hang out with Dada for at least 30 minutes, after which the entire routine – books, lullaby, etc. – must be repeated.
The new strategy in our house?
Potty? Potty? Need to PottY!!!
And since we’re trying to teach potty training, and he almost always does GO when he gets to the potty, 4 or 5 potty breaks add a good 30 minutes to bedtime.
I spend a lot of my evenings sitting on the bathroom floor is what I’m saying.
I think my 5yo drama queen should be the dean of the toddler tricks department as she has effectively employed these tactics for five whole years. From search and rescue missions of Bunny (Bunny, where are you? Where are you, Bunny?) to “But I’m hungrryyyyy” to “lay here with me and let’s talk about our day.” Seriously, how is every toddler programmed like this?
Ooooh! Another Companion for the Pajama Wrangling unit of Bedtime Stalling 101: Bath Removal Avoidance, 105. Demonstrates tactics to avid getting out of the bath, such as splashing mommy in the face, kicking when there’s no water left, refusing to release the death grip on the bath toys, arching the back so that Mommy is afraid you’ll fall and crack your head open…
The key word here is stalling!
1) Take as long as possible with putting toys away in the bathtub and/or your room or other play area.
When your parents tell you to do something, pretend like you can’t hear them so that they will repeat it 3 or 4 times.
2) While reading your book (or books) after the first few pages, pretend to lose interest. This may or may not work as your parent will either try to get you to pay attention or stop reading altogether. If this happens, grab the book again and insist they keep reading.
3) Also while reading, point out as many things that you recognise and can name as possible. This forces your parent to pause, answer and congratulate you then resume. If possible, do this in the middle of a sentence or paragraph, forcing them to start over from a given point.
4) At the last moment in bed, ask for kisses and hugs from every possible family member, including dogs, cats and even unborn siblings if possible.
Don’t forget the one more kiss, one more hug request…what am I supposed to ignore that? Oh yeah, and the selection of books to take to bed and the adjustment of the night light to.just.right.place.
I saw this book on Pioneer Woman and had to share, though you may have seen it before: http://www.amazon.com/Goodnight-iPad-Parody-next-generation/dp/0399158561/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326727188&sr=8-1.
Yes, it’s called “Goodnight iPad.” Sounds like Mazzy might need this – or maybe not. It might contribute to her bedtime book selection stall tactics.
This is amazing. I think my daughter must have coordinated with yours to write this.
These toddlers are evil geniuses!
I have been laughing so much reading this the man is looking at me like I’m insane.
I’ll be sharing this with everyone who tries to tell me their kid doesn’t try to stall 🙂
There’s a long line of boys waiting to skype with Mazzy so it might be best to set up an appointment.
Judging by my comments, this tooth brushing obsession seems to be trend with toddlers- why didn’t anybody warn me?
Smart decision. Pretend this never happened.
Putting the nighttime diaper on is STEP ONE of bedtime routine. Mazzy hates have her diaper changed so it would throw off everything if we attempted it at the end.
Uh-oh. What does this say that Mazzy has figured this strategy out at 2? By 6 she’s gonna hypnotize us and leave the apartment to go to the bar downstairs.
I think that all the time! I was put on steroids for an issue during my pregnancy and Mike and I always joke that’s why Mazzy is so crazy strong.
Mazzy would never ever ever part with BOO. Although she’s done that with her water once or twice.
I would love if Mazzy requested more hugs and kisses:(
Mazzy is totally not ready for potty training. But I see this strategy in her near future completely. Thanks for the warning.
Oh man! So sorry and hope you’re feeling better. Also. Keep your kid away from my kid, mmmkay???
Mazzy will insist on a second BOO or another sippy cup after I put her in her crib. Then she’ll say- “You’ll be right back!” Meaning I have to leave the room, go get the requested item and come back. I totally do it too.
Uh-oh. This might mean I shouldn’t have a second.
I’d kill for cuddle time. I’m hoping that once I put her in a big bed, she’ll cuddle with me. It honestly hasn’t happened yet. Girl can’t stay still.
I love toddler OCD! Mazzy hasn’t pulled it at bedtime but she will FLIP whenever something dirty is on her hand.
Wow. That is some advanced shit. Your 2yo should teach Bedtime Stalling 102.
Mazzy loves stuffed animals but somehow wants nothing to do with them at night. THANK GOD.
Mazzy still sings happy birthday to herself every day so I say there is no moratorium on holiday songs.
There is not one single thing I am looking forward to about potty training.
Oh my- you’ve got to nip that book in each room thing in the bud! That sounds like some serious manipulation. I will be signing up Vittorio for Bedtime Stalling 103.
Daddy interrupting bedtime is the worst. Just last night, we were all set to go and Mike called to say he would be home in five minutes (he had been away for work) and he wanted me to keep Mazzy awake so he could see her.
This means that a half hour later she is overtired and much harder to put down. And I am STILL the one doing it.
This seems to be a theme. One I am NOT looking forward to.
So you mean, it never ends? AWESOME. On a related note, I am DREADING putting Mazzy in a big girl bed. There is no way in hell she is going to stay in it.
OH MY GOD #3!!!!! Mazzy totally does that. Plus she always picks books with the little flaps everywhere so the book is more interactive which means I can’t just speed read through it. I HATE THOSE!!!
Mazzy doesn’t do the one more kiss, one more hug thing. I kind of wish she did.
Yes I’ve seen it. There’s a video of it too. I should read it to her 100X a day.
Who’s kids don’t stall? I don’t want to meet those people. They’re probably really skinny even though they eat a lot, too.
My own 2year old has definitely been studying Mazzy’s techniques. She definitely employs the refusing to sit on the potty during the day but then needing to at the very end of the bedtime routing. She also recommends not only needing a sippy, but then requiring someone to fetch said sippy once you are done with it – Mama gets an excellent stairmaster workout that way.
my girl will be two next month and yes, she always manage to stall bedtimes, sometimes up to 2 hours! request for dinner, check, diaper-run, check, adorable-lovey-smile, check!seriously, i thought i was the only unfortunate mother facing this! am so glad everyone else is fighting the same battle. oopppss!! not that glad, but to know it’s normal is actually making me feel better. ;p
My son was an expert at numbers five & six and it worked every time since both my husband and I worked full time and attended classes. He almost always managed 5 stories and almost every song I knew (he even got the national anthem as a lullaby). It took us a good 6 months to stop feeling guilty when we cut it down to 2 stories and 2 songs and no more.
Hahahaha, our son Glenn wanted to pass this one one to her: I think she missed the most effective one: POOPOO COME! NOW! POTTY! That one always works.
I did a blog post about going to sleep about a year ago that you might laugh at. http://www.genxdaddy.com/2011/08/for-the-love-of-god-go-to-sleep/
I thought of it more like Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell. As Justin has gotten older, the worse this process has become!!
Jason
I just read this post and I know it’s old – but I have to comment. Along with the above diversions – my darling daughter just turned two and has been somewhat intersted in potty training. Her favorite time? Why, bedtime of course! I have to go potty, mommy. I have to go POTTY!!! And this can occur two or three times. The kicker is – almost every time we take her – she goes! UGH! Glad to know I’m not alone with the bedtime struggles. Love your writings – new and old!
Yes, The way we will train kids from there childhood accordingly they will get practice it. If they will trained with proper timetable then they will definitely have a discipline life.
Max’s new thing to avoid going to bed is, “You forgot to cut my toenails!!!!”
My 2 year old daughter has a couple new ones – which I’m sure have been mentioned, but here goes. ‘MOMMY I HAVE TO GO POOPIES!’ is a big one (she almost never does, but has done it enough to warrant me sometimes coming in) She also says ‘huggies and kisses!!’ until we come in and cuddle her for awhile. It doesn’t help that she’s figured out how to remove the childproof knob and open the door =/
This could have been easily written by my own child. She’s got a few techniques which are missing here thou, but some wouldn’t work if the child sleeps in a crib:
#1: Keep getting up and showing up at the studio (usually where I am at night, after she’s been put to bed). Do it for hours.
#2: Just get up, in the dark, and start silently playing (that could include toys or changing the clothes etc).
#3: Keep asking for water. A parent can’t refuse a glass of water (and the child quickly learns that).
I could name a few more, will do if it occurs me.
Great post!
Well here’s one! After six months of carefully applied discipline, she doesn’t anymore, and is happy to go to bed in the appropriate time!
Now bedtime is happy time (it was a little problematic in the past).
And I’m not skinny (fit, not skinny) and I don’t reeeally eat that much either 😀
I’ve posted some of the tricks she used back then thou, she sometimes try, it’s rare, and she is more like testing to see if it could work again (which doesn’t)
An and besides adamant discipline, you know what changed? Waking her up early, and having a morning routine with here before she goes to school.
Loved your Facebook Page!
Mazzy forgot to mention the “peepee” and “poopoo” technique. Just as the lights are off and mommy/daddy say good night, say “Peepee” or “poopoo”. They will have to get you out of the pj’s and on the potty. Then, the diaper and pj process gets to start all over again. Oh, and also, make sure you throw your security item (blankie/water) out of your crib so your parents have to come in and put it back in your crib.
That’s great…my 2 year old daughter is also a pro at extending bedtime. I’m a teacher and I’m in big trouble when I go back to work in August.
I can add a few more from Emi. #8 Even in the middle of the hot summer, remind them they forgot to put socks on your feet. However, I never usually wear socks even in the middle of the cold winter, so it might take some convincing. #9 Tell them you want a pony-tail in your hair. After they put one in, tell them you wanted the purple pony-tail holder not the one they put in. After they are about to leave, tell them you want a bow too. #10 They’ll never say no to another hug and kiss. You can do that a few times. #11 Also, this is my latest…after they read a few books to you, tell them you’re now going to read to them. Take as long as you want, because they think it’s so cute how you tell the story in your own words. #12 At last I’ll add, if your going through potty training, they won’t say no to you if you tell them you have to go pee-pee or poop on the toilet.
That’s great, I have not heard that one yet.
I apologize for some of Emi’s repeats, I didn’t read all the comments before posting.
I can relate to all of those. My daughter’s light is on her sound machine and can be adjusted. If it’s not shining directly on the wall over her name, there is an issue.
You’re lucky! My daughter is either playing school with them (sing the hello song, etc) or rocking, hugging, kissing, and putting each of them to bed individually when she should be sleeping. It makes viewing on the video monitor entertaining. I try to keep the stuffed animals to a minimum, but some how everyday there is one more in there.
Ok, I promise to leave all of you alone after this one that I almost forgot about…after giving in to my 2 year daughter and letting her sleep in my bed one night (which rarely happens) she asked to sleep in my bed again the next night. I told her that there isn’t room for her and she needs to sleep in her own bed. But, then she said “I’ll just cry, throw all my stuff out of my bed and scream until you come and get me!” I told her I would just ignore her. That didn’t take much convincing, so I used some scare tactic and told her that I was scared that daddy or me would roll on her. She told me that would hurt. So, thankfully she didn’t give me a problem that night. I never thought conversations with a 2 year would go like this. But, my scare tactic worked, and will probably come back to bite me in the ass some day 🙂
I lied, two questions. I just realized that this was written over 2 years ago. It was just posted on a Mommies Group on FB, and I didn’t realize the date at first. How is Mazzy now about going to sleep? How did the transition to the toddler bed go?
It’s as if you were at my house tonight. My daughter has mastered all of the above. I have nothing to add, you nailed it.
Awesome, just like my 2yo – the next tactic to add to the list will be the ‘needing a wee’ game.
No parent wants to leave their potty training toddler in bed to wet their night time pull ups on the off chance it could set potty training back.
This will result in several attempts to wee on both the potty and, when this isn’t grown up enough the toilet, all in one session.
If you’re desperate enough once placed back into bed by your exhausted parents declare ‘ I really need a poo’ and grab your bum like you’re gona go right there and then…
[…] with you and they don’t want to miss out on anything. Unfortunately, as aware of these stalling tactics as I was, it still didn’t make it any easier to deal with. To help prevent the nighttime […]
[…] BEDTIME STALLING 101 is a course Mazzy taught a few years ago. She has since passed the torch to her little sister, who teaches a way more advanced class. Let’s call this Bedtime Stalling 102. I’ll let Harlow (aka @insta2yearold) take over from here. […]
Wow, my three year old is just like Mazzy.
Allie knows that potty training is what we’re hoping for, so she says “Pee-Pee on Potty” when she’s in her crib.
Security Item Search is another thing that’s used. I open the hall closet, and get the Cinderella blanket. Then the Blanket Judge (Allie) doesn’t approve and wants another one. She asks for “Dora and Friends” but then I come back with “gasp” Abby Cadabby who was hiding behind the couch.
“Sippy Please” is another thing. We want to avoid “Baby Rot” so her sippy is taken away at bedtime. But she gets a sip before I take it away. As soon as I turn the light out it’s “SIPPY!”
My 2yo cries and plays “Diaper Me if You can”