WARNING: Remember Monday’s post about “The Happy Swing”? Well, this post has even more nausea-inducing potential. Sorry.
Hello! Welcome to the NYC EXPECTANT MOTHER CULINARY TOUR! I hope you brought your appetite!
First stop is Babycakes— one of my favorite organic lactose-free bakeries (it’s way more delicious than it sounds) on the Lower East Side. At Babycakes, we will be indulging in “Beyonce’s Baby Bump Bun”— a bun in the precise size of Beyonce’s unborn fetus! Think I’m making this up? See below!
Each week, Babycakes will be altering the size of their buns to match the estimated size of Beyonce’s ACTUAL BUN. Literally, a bun in the oven. I recommend going there at WEEK 39 when that bun could be 7-8 pounds!
Where to next? We’re off to Essex Street for some sweet and sours at The Pickle Guys. Why? Because pickles pair wonderfully with frosted fetus! And The Pickle Guys have the best gherkins in town.
Still hungry? How ’bout detouring into Brooklyn for a taste of what’s cooking in Jennifer Mayer’s Kitchen? On most days, it’s a lovely stew of seasoned placenta!
Think that’s a ripe and juicy tomato simmering in that pot? Think again! Read all about Jennifer’s recipes in NY magazine. If placenta stew doesn’t float your boat— no worries, Jennifer will dry your placenta and crush it into capsule form. Did I not mention it was your OWN placenta? Of course it is, silly! It would be DISGUSTING otherwise, right?
So now that we’ve got carbs, veggies and protein under our maternity belts, who wants a little dairy? Let’s wander over to Chelsea where you can stop at Klee Brasserie* for a sample of Breast Milk Cheese! You heard me right. But don’t worry— it’s not like it’s taken from some random stranger. It’s sourced directly from the chef’s wife! Talk about keeping it local. YUM!!!!!
Still starving? We’ve got one final stop. It’s called DESSERT and it’s at Momofuku Milk Bar. Crack Pie, Cereal Milk Soft Serve, Birthday Cake Truffles and Compost Cookies.
Nothing disgusting about any of them. Except if you start counting calories. But who’s counting calories? You’re preggers!
Enjoy.
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Special apologies to my Jewish readers. Dip some apples in honey and forget this ever happened. Happy New Year!
*Klee Brasserie closed this summer and will be re-opening as an Austrian Wine Tavern some time this fall. Hmmm…. I wonder what went wrong??
*Gag*
The first one looks like horse shit.
Placenta and breast milk cheese – are we running out of real food??
Babycakes is actually pretty awesome. I don’t know why they chose to use such a terrible looking photo to promote the “BBBB”.
That just completely turned my stomach – yuck!
I did warn you…
I was okay with the first 2 but then it went all wrong (and, yes, thankfully you warned us first). Although, I can’t figure out if the llast place would be good or bad. The pictures look good, but no idea what the items really are. Thanks for sharing, I think.
Momofuku Milk Bar is outrageously good. But they are the opposite of Babycakes. You could probably butter 1000 bagels with the butter in just one compost cookie. The compost cookies are stuffed with pretzels, potato chips, chocolate chips and so forth. They are AH-MAZING.
Well, next time post it *after* lunch 😉
Apparently the whole eating your placenta thing has a following, so that one didn’t shock me (still gross though…)
P.S. You should have posted this on Yom Kippor, when appetite suppression is a good thing! L’Shana Tovah to you and your family 🙂
OMFG i love cereal milk…and making it into ice cream…GENIOUS!
Is it wrong as a fomer BF’er that my first response to Klee was- how does she pump enough milk?
First off, I think breast feeding is great and I did it for both my babies BUT when I saw the breast milk cheese all I could think was ‘don’t people know that disease can be passed through breast milk?’ It makes me wonder how that’s allowed? I realize I probably sound very prudish for asking this but…it’s what I thought of!
I would be so down with a fat placenta and breast milk cheese sandwich. Top it off with one of those pickles. Yum!
Even with the warning that was disturbing.
Oh, pshaw. We’re doing a roasted placenta for Thanksgiving! And as I haven’t had a child in over two years we’re outsourcing our placenta harvest. Imagine, if you will, black market placenta from the local maternity hospital. Yum! It’s an extra sawbuck for a drug-free placenta. And the leftovers, as if there will be any, make a great cold meat sandwhiches the next day.
Pickle Guys = one of my fave places in the city. LOVE. That placenta lady makes me insane. I’m pretty sure she lives in my neighborhood. When i’m finished dry heaving i’ll check. Ick.
I’ve heard about the placenta tablets (thank GOD we were still in the stone age when I gave birth and the leftovers just went into the Toxic Waste bin…).
But breast milk cheese?
I may never eat again.
(Oh who am I kidding. I’m going to the fridge right now…)
My sister in law shared the story of a co worker who had over supply so she pumped her breast milk and made cheese for the family with it. My stomach turns at the thought…Im breast feeding my little 6 mo but cannot imagine my milk feeding the adults in my family. Maybe its just me, but my boobs, the milk and my baby have a private relationship and no one else’s invited tyvm.
Lol, love this post. That article in ny mag was disgusting!!!! I especially love your closing statement to the Jews……
New York is so weird. 😉
Wait. Yep, I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth. Was good with the Babycakes thing because I’m SURE there are other things on the menu. But the Placenta Stew and breastmilk cheese? GAG!!
Ha! Lori is in my mommy group. And sadly, Klee has shut down so no more BM cheese.