The photo above is notable because I asked Mazzy to stand next to the flag and she did it. That's a milestone, right?
When I started making "Fan Photo Albums", I had about five fans and only two of them submitted photos. This time around, I was somewhat overwhelmed. I tried to include everybody. If I left you out, it was either an accident or because your kids look like they are of legal drinking age.
Let's get to it.
I'm opening with a photo I call "Rage Against the Kiddie Pool".
That's Meredith pissed at either the absence of a diving board or the fact that mom threw garbage in there with her.
Next is two kids with parents who have clearly done the fireworks thing before.
Brodie and Gabby got through the evening with their hearing intact. I wish I could say the same for the shape of their heads.
Moving on to an incredibly patriotic 3-year-old named Claire…
Claire had so much 4th going on, her only choice was to eat it.
Below is Hazy and Brett celebrating with summer margaritas.
Don't be concerned! Those cups are plastic.
And here's Zoe and Mia taking in the parade.
The two of them will be sitting in that exact same spot for the next 60-70 years.
Next up is a photo series I call "My 4th of July head ornament is more elaborate than your 4th of July head ornament."
Up top is 5-month-old Eve in "Dad, your hand is ruining my outfit" and 4-month-old Aubrey in "I haven't felt my head since we left the house". But I'm giving the win to 5 month-old Emmalyn for arranging to have a man stand behind her in an American flag t-shirt.
Here's Emma (from The Little Hen House) getting into the true spirit of the holiday.
Just be thankful she stuck her right hand up her nose instead of her left.
Next we have Ziggy (from Random Handprints) taking a very masculine walk on the pier with his dolly.
(Mom? Don't you think you may have been overcompensating a bit with the tie?)
Speaking of masculine, here's Nixon trying to make up for the time he wore his mother's boots in the Baby Fashion Showdown…
I call this photo: "Mustache 2.0"
Why? Because 2-month-old Brady rocked facial hair first in "Beta Mustache".
What's 4th of July without a watermelon eating contest?
Brodie knew he was in trouble as soon as Baby R (from Midwest Moments) showed up with her "Take No Prisoners" game face.
Rebecca decided to phone-in her watermelon eating from home. Mom says the photo below was taken using a camera setting called "Color Accent".
My new name for "Color Accent" is "Make Your Child Look Like She Belongs In The Opening Sequence of Dexter." (Also— creepy hand alert to the right!)
Sadly, some kids have parents who don't love them enough to feed them watermelon.
That's 16-month-old Annie (from The Little Hen House) eating an unripe strawberry and 8 month-old Joey sucking on a lemon. Maybe next year, kids.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, we've got Adeline (from Dim Sum Debutante) & Vivian (from What She Said) sucking face with some ice cream.
Obviously, Adeline and Vivian are so loved they get to bypass fruit all together.
Here's Charlie in "Fix The Damn Car Already! I've Got Places To Go!"
Be thankful this photo doesn't involve sound effects— Charlie just discovered that a car horn is the best "cause and effect toy" EVER.
Next is one-year-old Issac in "City Kid Meets Tractor".
It's a classic Hollywood tale of a young boy in search of his father's lost toe.
Below is Amelie with all the ingredients for fun but a smile…
Turn that frown upside down, Amelie— life only gets worse from here.
Here's Rowan proudly showing off his brand new tribal tat.
Because permanent decisions are best made before the age of five.
Next is Avery on her very first birthday.
Mom gave Avery the gift of wearing the hottest, itchiest, most unbreathable fabrics on earth. Happy Birthday, Kid!
Below is Matthew, Louis and Trace on top of the infamous metal dome in the Union Square Playground.
Let's hope it wasn't too hot and everybody got to take their skin home with them that day.
Check out Maia and Hunter all set to win the three-legged race.
They may not look like competition but that's before you find out mom's had them tied together for weeks in preparation for the big day.
Next up, we've got LJ smiling through a nap, Warren getting attacked by a gorilla and Sullivan trying out for "The Devil Wears Prada II".
Not so fast, Sullivan. We have one more audition.
That's Analeigh staring down an intern and firing her stylist.
For a change of pace, I present a little girl who wishes it was winter.
That's 2 year-old Gracie, or as she is known by Federal Air Marshals— "The World's Worst Drug Mule".
(Okay. Does anybody need a glass of water? A bathroom break? Just checking.)
For my fan photo finale, I will now barrage you with summer water activities.
First, we have a sad photo of Carson called "The Last Kid on Earth."
Followed by Lil Diva and the Tackler (from Dances with Chaos) in "Chinese Water Torture is for Sissies".
Here's McKenna, Parker & Sawyer (from Four Plus An Angel) mistaking the Slip n' Slide for a troth.
And Vincent in a photo called— "I'm gonna need a bigger dumptruck."
Next, I'm including a picture of Mazzy with a bad case of "Kim Kardashian Diaper". Here's a close-up:
And here she is reenacting an episode of "Kourtney and Kim Take New York".
That's 4-year-old Ellie playing the role of Kourtney and 22 month-old Zac doing his best Scott Disick. (Unfortunately, Scott Disick levels of douchebaggery are impossible to duplicate.)
Below is Parker in a photo titled— "Once I catch my shadow, I will eat it for dinner!"
(I'm all for child safety, but is the life vest really necessary in two inches of water?)
Next Caitlyn (from Hamburger Cheeks) would like to challenge Mazzy to a Bikini Contest.
But in a surprise move from the judges, PJ takes home first prize.
(Editor's Note: The photo above was submitted for a caption contest but I just couldn't do it to him.)
Next up is Ella in a two part series called "Beach Day Gone Wrong".
And FINALLY, my favorite fan photo of all has got to be 8 month-old Mark in a picture I have affectionately captioned:
"I'm with you, Mommy Shorts. The beach FUCKIN' BLOWS."
Seriously, people? That was HARD WORK.
If you'd like to know when the next fan photo opportunity comes up, please join the Mommy Shorts Facebook Fanpage. Or read my blog every single day— the choice is yours.
ALSO. I may regret this but I'm thinking of doing a "babies dancing" compilation video. If anybody has any funny video clips of their kids dancing, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
But I'm not promising anything.
Have a good weekend!
— Mommy Shorts
PS: Thank you, sincerely, for being such great fans and giving me the opportunity to make fun of your kids.
I’m in the middle of reading The Hunger Games. I might not get any sleep tonight.
This was hilarious enough to tear me away and read the entire thing.
Now back to the Games…
This is so awesome! But I can’t imagine how long it must have taken to put togehter. Go MommyShorts!
OMG I love this!!!! You’re right, Mark has the perfect expression to match your hatred for the beach.
Can’t wait to submit something to you one day!
These are great!!!
Thanks for including us! I love how you think…this is hilarious! And Mark is priceless…I hate the beach as well!
LOL, the creepy hand is Rebecca’s great-grandmother, she’s in her mid-80’s and doin’ fine and has totally earned the right to have creepy hands. The color accent idea SEEMED like a good idea at the time 😉
You can make fun of my kid ANY time, and you already have my submissions for funny dancing 🙂
I loved it.The photos were hilarious and the commentary made them so. what a group of cuties. Thanks for taking the time to make us all laugh:) HAppy friday my friend.
These are great, Ilana! Thanks for including us. My favorite might very well be Annie and the Unripe Strawberry (which would be an awesome name for a children’s book). That face is priceless.
Dude. That was some funny shit. Kids are stupid. Just kidding!
These are awesome! Kudo’s to Ziggy’s mom, who bravely submitted the pic of him pushing the doll stroller! I almost submitted a pic of Carson pushing HIS little blue stroller in the park with Mickey Mouse in it, but I was afraid of your caption! So I opted instead to look like the World’s Least Fun Mom, taking her son to a totally empty public pool after a thunderstorm. *sigh*
I am going to have to say my favorite was the kid with the unripe strawberry and the baby boy with the lemon. Hilarious!
I love the bikini picture of Mazzy: in context, it looks like she’s saying “BRING IT!”
These were all awesome.
I can see my youngest as the kid digging for gold holding a sparkler.
Writing the captions was a blast. Matching the photos with the names of the kids made me want to throw my computer in a river.
These pictures are great! Thanks for including us 🙂
i loved this! thanks for making me laugh and for the caption of Parker and his vest! just to clarify it is a “swim vest” whatever that is…
I’m sure the hand is less creepy in regular camera mode when it would separate from the background. The way it is now, I didn’t even notice it until my tenth viewing.
I would never say anything mean about a boy pushing a stroller. Aren’t we all always complaining that our husbands don’t do enough with the kids? I say— start them early!
Plus, I grew up with “Free to Be You and Me”. Let William have his damn doll!!!
What she is actually saying— “What is this shield in front of my eyes??”
My cheeks hurt from smiling at these little buggers! OMG! The Kard butt?? Nice.
Love them all, nice work, Mommy in Mommy shorts. Nice work.
Well done, Mommy Shorts! Hilarious!
I’m a little disturbed by the lady with three feet removing her underwear behind the three-legged racers, though.
Honestly, this really made me want some ice cream.
OMG this is hilarious. That last photo takes the cake, although the Kim Kardashian diaper is a close second. Only because I know that look so well.
Ha! Good catch. I hope she sticks them in her purse— three-legged underwear must be tough to find.
How I love that you did this.
All those adorable baby bellies in swim diapers.
I miss those days.
i have an unpublished (let’s just call it very snarky) post about what the locals had to say about my necktie wearing, pink bear stroller pushing son. i’ll let you know if i have the nerve to hit “publish.”
I’m waiting to get an e-mail from DH. Since he hasn’t sent it yet, I read this instead.
Abbey just looked up from her book and said, “Wow! Daddy sent a REALLY funny e-mail!!”
These are hilarious!!
Love the idea of the video!
dude. I am sorry Eddie did not get in on this. He has a knack for looking like a boner in pictures.
“The Last Kid on Earth” may be your best captioning work yet. I say so. Congrats.
Mazzy rocks peace signs like no other. DUDE.
Um…. I hesitate to ask but is PJ blowing up an orange condom? Sorry, but inquiring minds want to know… ;P
OK no BS but Avery MIGHT be pissed tomorrow when I give yet ANOTHER tutu for her birthday. Go Cousin Sara. LOVE that she’s on here – she’s seriously so yummy it’s crazy!
This is hilarious, the underwear/balloon shot and Mazzy’s diaper have me cracking up. Thanks for including us!
She came to the pool with a waterproof diaper too. What I wasn’t banking on was the second dip.
First, I understand the time you spent throwing this all together. So, thank you! Thank you because I got some heavy duty giggles out of so many of these photos & I really enjoyed it! Awesomesauce!
I love Gracie and the “baby powder!”
All the photos and captions were awesome. Thanks for including us!
I started keeping track of ALLLL the hysterical comments I wanted to address but there were just. too. many.
So now I must now go Like your Facebook Fanpage because I am a subscriber and I TRY to read your blog every single day.
But somehow I missed this one and gold like this cannot get lost in the fury of a too-full INBOX.
(The mercy you extended to PJ is admirable 😉
Might be some of the funniest stuff I’ve ever seen! LOVED IT.
greatfull !! Mustache 2.0 made me laugh, good picture.
Oh wow that little blondie, Claire, near the top looks like the little Claire I kept in my daycare. Except she’s now two and the kid pictured is now old 😉