On Tuesday, I told an innocent story about a goat and broken dreams. And what did everyone do? They went straight to ass jokes.
This is why I love you people.
After much deliberation, Natasha has found someone worthy of her crown. The new Caption Contest Queen is…
After a successful test strip from the flank, the aesthetician-in-training prepared herself for the hardest goddamned Brazilian wax ever in the history of hair.
Well deserved, Lori. WELL DESERVED.
She didn't even buy me dinner.
"The Most Random Celebrity Reference Award" goes to Kim at Let Me Start By Saying who said:
Is it just me, or is Michelle Williams trying to get me to turn and cough in broad daylight? Cuz if so, I gotta say bitch is WAY shorter in real life.
"The Bacteria Is Your Friend Award" goes to MommaKiss who said:
Mommy, I lost my pacifier!
"The Someone Watched Neverending Story Too Many Times As A Kid Award" goes to Ari who said:
Falcor's early 80's success was sadly cut short by a cocaine habit. He now resides at a petting zoo where he makes money to support his habit.
And finally, "The Nathan Lane Award" goes to Mary Mary who said:
I could have been on Broadway.
Thank you to Lisa from The Unglamorous Mommy for allowing us all to imagine her adorable daughter's arm up a goat's ass. If you have a funny baby picture that you think is worthy of captioning, please email it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
As for Queen Lori? Wear your crown with pride. Use it to garner respect in all aspects of life. And get ready. Because you, my friend, have the supreme honor of judging the next caption contest.