Say hello to Nicky. Nicky's mom (@ringeddragon) assures me that there is nothing in the above photo that warrants a call to child protective services. She says Nicky's dad was merely showing off his two new chompers. I'm not entirely convinced. I haven't seen eyes crying for help that loudly since I begged my mom to donate to Sally Struther's "Feed the Children" campaign back in the early eighties.

What do you think? Perhaps Nicky is begging for money to spend on premature orthodonture. Or maybe Nicky's dad is practicing a bizarre form of human puppetry. More importantly— is any of this safe in the front seat of a car? You decide in the comment section below.

Captions will be judged by the Current Caption Contest Queen— Roo of {Nice Girl Notes}. She will crown the new Queen on Friday in a very elaborate ceremony that exists solely in my head. Bradley Cooper will be attending and the dress code is pantless, so I expect tickets to sell fast.

What else will the Queen get besides her fancy new crown? The supreme honor of judging the next caption contest, of course.

Good luck!