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This week was exhausting and it's not even over yet. I'm still working at that freelance job so I've had to make time to write posts after everyone else goes to sleep (and by everyone, I mean even the people in California). And thanks to Bloggy Moms (I'm the featured December Blogger of the Month!), I feel even more of a need to keep you all thoroughly entertained. And I mean that in a good way.

If you are a new reader and want to get daily Mommy Shorts updates, please click here to become a fan on Facebook. I love fans almost as much as I love comments. How much do I love comments? More than Joanie loves Chachi. More than Bert loves Ernie. More than Rachel Zoe loves vintage. More than Jerry Seinfeld loves cereal. More than the guy who plays Owen loves ruining Grey's Anatomy for me.

What else happened in the week I was told to make more TV references?

• I have no fucking clue

• ??????????????????????????

• OK, It's coming back to me

• Mazzy learned French

• Bruce Jenner's face fell off

• I was contacted by the Party Planning Police

• Babies lined up to see The Pink Floyd Laser Light Show

• And someplace, somewhere a childless 80-year-old woman was killed by the weight of her very own solid gold brassiere

If you're new here, you should also check out The Best of Mommy Shorts, my growing collection of parental tweets, and the Mommy Shorts Holiday Gift Guide.

And come back next week. It's gonna be Mazzy's birthday, and trust me, YOU DO NOT WANT TO PISS THAT BITCH OFF ON HER SPECIAL DAY. (Imagine Blair Waldorf meets Sue Sylvester with a side of Amanda Woodward).

Wish me luck with the party! (in the comments, SHEESH)

—Ilana