I’m back at our house for the summer, spending a full two months here with an actual backyard, a car, elbow room in the kitchen and a closet JUST FOR TOYS. It is heaven.
The summer house is also great because it allows the kids to go to a real camp with grass and trees and a pool and tennis courts. Basically, it’s the polar opposite of Mazzy’s first experience with NYC camp, which was a sprinkler on gated concrete.
It’s all wonderful except for one pretty major issue…
HARLOW HATES CAMP.
It’s Harlow’s first summer going to camp and it’s only her second week, so maybe by next week, this will change, but as of right now— drop-off is BRUTAL. Pick-up isn’t too bad (Harlow is smiling and seems happy) but the second I ask her how her day was, she gives the most masterful pout ever and says, “Not good.” Sometimes, there is a foot stomp thrown in for good measure. Other times, her arms cross and she refuses to look at me. Most of the time, the pout, the stomp, the arms and the downcast eyes all work together.
Oy.
It started with semi-lukewarm feelings to camp on the first day and then once Harlow actually experienced camp, it got progressively worse. Yesterday morning, I very nearly turned around and took her home.
Mike was with me and convinced me to keep her there, knowing that we both had to work and she would spend the whole day on the iPad or worse— not allowing us to get anything done.
Harlow had trouble this past year with preschool drop-off too, but we had little rituals in place that made it all bearable. Basically, I stayed with her until she was in a good place. The teachers always had stations set up for the kids to do projects and I’d sit and do an activity with her until she felt comfortable. Usually, after about five-ten minutes, Harlow would accept the inevitable goodbye and initiate our goodbye routine, which as I’ve mentioned before, consists of hugs, kisses, love pats, crowns, rainbows and a couple other things I can’t remember at the moment. She didn’t smile or anything crazy like that, but she did display a chin up attitude and a brave face that told me I could leave without feeling too guilty.
Camp is another story, because there isn’t really a way to ease in. She starts yelling “I don’t want to go to camp!” from the second we leave the house. The first few days, I lingered a bit until she came around like she did in preschool, but yesterday morning, she was nowhere close to okay.
Couple that with the fact that I am leaving her with counselors that seem like they are kids themselves, as opposed to trained teaching professionals and I am just not sure what I am supposed to do with Harlow when she FREAKS THE F*CK OUT.
I know the experts say to hug and hand over, without much fuss, for the least devastating drop-off, but Harlow was literally hyperventilating and I could not walk away while she was in that state. So, I took her a few yards away from the group and over to a bench to soothe her. I held her close and stroked her hair until her breaths finally returned to normal.
“Are you ok to go to camp now?”
“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” And the sobs started right where they left off.
“Can you give me my love pats?”
“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
“Do you want to touch my necklace?”
“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
Eventually, I carried her over to the playground which is always her group’s first activity of the day. “Look! There’s Luke! Don’t you want to play with him?”
“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
She was even inconsolable when Mazzy came over to visit. “Harlow, can I give you a hug?”
“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
In general, Mazzy has been great about trying to get Harlow excited about camp by telling her all the reasons she has loved it for the past few years, but unfortunately, her big sister’s tactics haven’t worked.
I held Harlow until it was time for tennis and then carried her there too, while the counselors offered up everything they could think of.
“Harlow, do you want me to hold you?” asked her favorite counsellor.
“No,” she gulped into my shoulder.
“Do you want to hold the clipboard?”
“No.”
“Do you want to help me take the lunch orders?”
“No.”
“What do you want, Harlow?”
“I WANT TO GO HOOOOOOOME!!!!!”
The counsellors assured Mike and me that Harlow was usually fine a few minutes after we left and that she always had fun throughout the day. She said she would take Harlow into tennis and we could watch from the viewing window above. Harlow went into the counsellor’s arms willingly but then flipped out when she realized this meant we were leaving.
“We’ll be right up there, Harlow!” I said, pointing to the window.
Once at the window on the second floor, I watched Harlow’s face contort and her arms stretch out towards us, her screams silenced by the glass between us. Her face said, “Mom! Dad! Why are you abandoning me???”
Mike stated the obvious, “It’s so much worse now that we’ve lingered here.”
“Maybe we should just take her home,” I said.
“No. If we do that, she’ll pull this every time and we’ll never be able to send her.”
I knew he was right.
After a few minutes watching Harlow scream through the window, we blew our kisses and said goodbye. Then we walked heartbroken back to the car. We drove home in silence and just as we pulled into our driveway, I heard the ding of a text message notification.
It was a picture of Harlow, sent by the counselor, smiling and enjoying morning snack time. Her eyes looked sad, but she was no longer crying. And when I picked her up a few hours later, she actually told me she had fun.
Whether that translates to no-drama tomorrow, I’m guessing not. But maybe it’s a start? Or at least, maybe it’s a cue for me to feel better about sending her and not to draw the goodbye out.
Like a wise person told me on snapchat after I spoke about Harlow drop-off struggles, “Kids know exactly how to break your heart.”
If anyone has any tips for separation anxiety, please share them below!
Did you not made a scrap book for Harlow when she went to preschool a couple of years ago? Didn’t she used it and worn it down? Maybe you can dig it out and let Harlow take it to camp for comfort or make a new one? It may help.
I was going to suggest the same thing!
Also, I think that maybe the fact that she knows you will be working from home instead of from the office can make things worse. She knows you would be at home with her if she didn’t go to camp…
I agree that a short goodbye is be the best way to go – maybe even just get them out of the car and ask Mazzy to take Harlow, build it up like a big adventure for both of them. It might work!
She reminds me of myself when I was little. I didn’t enjoy much stuff mainly because I missed my parents! I just enjoyed their company too much to be happy about not being with them and I didn’t feel comfortable surrounded by people I didn’t know. Oh, maybe Harlow and Luke could arrive together at camp? She might be more excited.
I have been that camp staff – who pulls the child off the mom. That being said, a quick good bye is best, the longer you linger the more Harlow knows you feel bad. Work on your goodbye routine, I had many parents help their child with breakfast and then leave. It helps the child transition from being with mom and into the program. The more the child controls the situation the worse it will get. Harlow is doing fine in camp after you leave, otherwise the staff would let you know. Sometimes the “Mommy Guilt” is worse for you than the child.
When my son went through major separation anxiety, he brought a picture of our family with him in his backpack so he had it to look at during the day if needed!
In my toddler classroom I have a velcro wall with a family picture for every child. They can take their picture down whenever they need it. I had one little girl that took hers down every day of the school year and held it. She didn’t cry after the first week but liked to know her family was with her. And if another child got upset for any reason she would find their family picture and bring it over to help.
Every child is different, so I have no idea if it will work, but with my daughter we had to make it a super quick departure. Loving but firm – Gentle but swift. “Here we are sweetie! Look your friend/teacher/sister is there! I love you and Have fun!” … Walk away, don’t look back.
We did that with preschool, summer day care, camp, etc and I haven’t seen any lasting damage. And especially if the counselor says she has fun, just do it and don’t feel/show guilt. She will get the hang of it. Good luck!
I have no tips, just commiseration. My 3YO is going through a big separation anxiety phase (I hope it’s a phase?) even leaving her with her favorite person (pop pop) caused gulping sobs as we went on our first date night in 9 months!
Summer camp is only two days a week and there are tears everyday. My husband does drop off and leaves quickly.
We are also struggling with bed time “I don’t want you to go” tears and screams.
Bless you, I know how much this sucks.
Perhaps make it clear to harlow at what point of the morning you will be leaving. Ie. I will stay with you till registration and then I’m going to work. That way Harlow isn’t gripped with fear of you perhaps leaving at anytime and she can spend the time settling with you there until the pre agreed point.
At that point it should be a cheery upbeat kiss and a cuddle and a reminder you will be back to pick her up at xx and then off you go with no looking back. Then sneak upstairs out of view and watch her getting on with it, the first time I secretly saw my child was fine within minutes of me leaving I felt like a douche!
Have you asked how she does after you leave? My son had a terrible time with goodbyes when he started daycare, but he was usually fine within moments of my departure.
One thing I started–inadvertently–was writing him notes each day. Just a short note, like a lunchbox note, with a sticker on front to look like mail. He loved these, would carry them around and if he started to feel down, he and his teacher would look at his letter. This wasn’t always so helpful with goodbyes but it did help when he was having a tough time, and he would always ask for his letter before we left in the morning. Now he’s settled in and doesn’t ask for them anymore.
Does she do this if Mike takes her or only if you take her? I had one kiddo placed with me who absolutely hated it when I dropped them off at camp or daycare – but my other three are usually like “Great, see ya mom” and bolt out of the car to go have fun (there is actually a small part of me that wishes they showed at least a little reservation or preference for me… sigh).
I tired a couple of things with my one anxious kiddo that seemed to work well. I gave her very specific tasks to perform – like I’d have her carry the lunch boxes for all four kids in to be my helper (that usually coaxed her out of the car easily) or would have her hand out jackets as we were getting out of the car in the winter. Once I had her out of the car (which was our biggest struggle), getting her in the building was a little easier. At separation time, I worked with the teachers to have them greet her immediately and get her to do a task for them right off the bat. The distraction worked great and because we didn’t have an elaborate separation routine, she didn’t have time to ramp up the anxiety.
We did an experiment and had Evan do drop off for a couple of days to see if she did the same thing with him. Turns out, she was playing into my feelings (probably not purposefully, but still) of anxiety and getting herself all upset in the process. Once we figured that out, we shortened the goodbye routine to a quick hug, kiss and nibble and it was SOOOO much easier from that point on.
It might not work for you, but maybe test out and have Mike do drop off to see if she does the same thing with him. If so, maybe she’s just always going to need that little extra at drop off! 🙂
I have a child who went through a similar experience at Y Care drop off – all of the routines, treats and secret blankets in pockets didn’t help. Eventually two things happened which changed the whole game – we discovered that as a Kindergarten student playing in the gym with 5th graders was overwhelming so the program divided the younger and older kids (maybe there is something that Harlow isn’t comfortable with??) and the second thing was that I was at my wits end and gave him the option to go to a neighbors house instead of Y care because I couldn’t take the emotional turmoil anymore….and he PICKED Y care and had a good time the remainder of the year. So I guess the moral is…is there something that needs to change with the program AND is there someway to make it feel like she is involved with decision making?? Good luck, God Speed – this is tough.
There is a book called The Kissing Hand. I’d read it b4 bedtime and follow the storyline for camp….
If she appears to be fine after you leave, it’s good…she is playing you and you might be feeding the MissYouMonster by lingeringing. Be sweet, cheerful, and GO.
Yes! We do the kissing hand at our house for my six-year-old. I draw a little heart on my hand and one on her hand. During the day, if we miss each other, we can kiss or hug our heart. The first few days, I make a big deal of asking her if she felt me kissing my heart. It worked to help transition her to kindergarten and has worked this summer when she has had a hard time with daycare drop off.
Give her something of yours to hold on to all day. Normally with my 3 year old, I’d give her my hair elastic off my wrist at drop off and say “Have a fun day I’ll need this back when I pick you up” And she’s wear it as a bracelet knowing I’d be back to get her. I think the teacher told us to try a cheap bracelet or necklace but I was never organized enough to wear it for a few days so she knows its mine and to get out of the house with it on. So hair tie it was.
This made me tear up a little (probably the hormones..lol), but what a lovely idea! Something as simple as an elastic.
Oh my gosh it’s like I’m reading my life story ? My 3yr old is having an awful time at daycare right now. Every drive to daycare is a screaming fit and every drop off is miserable as she screams and cries while a teacher pries her hands off of her daddy or me. The teachers have gently told us the best thing we can do, even during the hyperventilating moments, is a quick goodbye – hug kiss love you bye! We are always assured she is happy a few minutes later.
I wish I had some tips for you! But I’ll be reading the comments for some ☺️
Oh, I feel for you. We deal with this nearly every day at daycare with my youngest daughter. She cries and clings and doesn’t want us to leave her. And now that she transitioned into an older classroom, she says she doesn’t like the friends in her class. But she’s always super happy at the end of the day and says she had a good time. We’ve found that quick goodbyes are best, the longer you linger the worse it gets. My oldest daughter also had separation anxiety when I was preparing to leave for a trip recently. She loves the book “The Kissing Hand” so I cut out a little hand out of card stock, kissed it with lipstick, wrote a note saying I loved her and added a little picture of me to the other side. Then I laminated it so it was more durable. She carries it in her backpack in case she ever needs a special kiss from her mommy. Just out of curiosity, is the “wearing shorts thing” a requirement? Would they allow those skirts that have shorts connected to them? Given her love of dresses, maybe there is a compromise you can make there? Good luck! You’re doing a great job!
I don’t always love the idea of buying kids things, but this might be an exception for a bribe lol. Since she loves accessories so much, maybe do a “camp locket.” Something nice that has mom and dad’s photo in it that she is only allowed to have at camp. She could have it at drop off but has to hand it over at pick up. It might encourage her to want to go since it’s this pretty thing that is a parent reminder that she only gets there. Maybe if she does good for the summer she gets to keep it at the end. The combination of a special piece of jewelry and the photos might help her enjoy it a little. And if that failed maybe you could use the distraction of “don’t you want to show your friends?” then make a getaway while she’s doing that.
Best of luck to you, though. I know it can be tough but I do find a quick and firm “I love you, see you later” is the easiest way to go if everything else has failed. Kids are good at playing with those mom emotions and will try to work the system if they can. :/
My 11 yr old son still has a bit of separation anxiety (it did go away for a while, but was brought back on by a loss in the family), so I know really well where you’re coming from. He was just like Harlow at her age, and I know how brutal that can be.
With my boy, routine is key. Wake at the same time each day, do everything in the same order to get ready – and early enough so there’s no rushing. Upon arrival, do the goodbye routine and leave. Yes it’s hard, yes it sucks. BUT – and I can’t stress this enough – they’re absolutely right when they tell you she’s fine. Everyone always told me my son was fine once I left and he got into things, and while it’s hard to believe in the moment, he really was. There are no real tricks… she feels what she feels, but she’s also got to learn how to manage that, even as young as she is. Bringing her home won’t help with that.
I’m not saying it’s easy, because it’s not. I can still see very clearly in my mind, my son screaming for me while being carried out of church for children’s time by the teacher. But you get through it. She’ll get through it. And what she’ll remember isn’t how she had to stay at camp, but what a great time she had and the friends she made. She will remember the good stuff.
Hang in there. It’s hard.
I’m not a parent, but still read your blog. I work as a sitter & part time nanny through a website in my city. The worst parent departure experiences are when the parents stay more than a few minutes. The kids always calm down quickly after they leave and we have a good time. After repeated experiences, they cry less and ask for their parents less during bookings. Today I’m sitting for a family whose 3 year old boy likes me but doesn’t usually like to engage with me too much, however, today, it has been all “RachelRachelRachel look at this/watch me do this/look what I built/please help me”. My best advice is to tell her you love her a lot, and make a quick get away. Also, I would somehow acknowledge to her you understand that she doesn’t like it and maybe for next summer you find something else, but this summer she will have to deal with it, as my parents told me many times about stuff. I’m not sure it’s an approach you want to take.
The counselors can always call you to come pick her up. In my experience, when the parents stay longer at the house (in babysitting) to calm their child down and then the child cries when they eventually leave it just extends the process and makes the child more upset for a longer period of time. Many times I have been the person to pull a child out of the parents arms while crying. I also try to do what that counselor did (send a pic of the child after they calm down). Also, as a sitter, it’s easier to establish a relationship with the child if the parent lets me calm down the child myself which I am almost always able to do. I think it helps them realize that it will be ok and they begin associate me with calming down and eventually having fun. I’m not sure if that will work with Harlow.
My caveat to this whole long comment is that I LOVED these kinds of camps as kid (lots of activities & kids). My younger sister, by 2.5 years, did NOT. She only liked camps related to her interest (horseback riding). She did not care about camp song, tennis/soccer/archery/art classes etc. She loves horses with a deep passion and worked many summers as a camp counselor with horses and kids.
To;dr: say I love you, many times, make a quick getaway, some kids HATE camp
I always my daughter’s favorite snacks ready in the car during pickup so it is something she looks forward to after pre-school and now camp. There are days she will request something specific and other days its a surprise.
That totally sucks. Yes, a quick good-bye is probably best. Try asking Harlow when she’s happy and says it’s fun how she would like to make things better. Ask her if she wants the old routine, a new one, maybe something different for the summer. When she pouts and says that she only wants to stay home, explain that that isn’t a choice. Not gonna happen. But she can choose a new routine. Give her some control back. Obviously, she hates being left there, even though she’s perfectly fine later. All she knows is that she hates that she can’t be with you. Maybe the scrapbook mentioned above, or a lovey. Anything she would like to use as comfort.
My 3 yr old has major separation anxiety too. We started playing the song “grownups come back” from the PBS kids show Daniel Tiger. Believe it or not it worked after about a week (think it helped that I also gave the daycare teacher a copy of the cd to play for the class too 🙂 . Good luck, I know it can be brutal.
Agree that quick goodbye is best. Dropping off my 18 months old for his first day was good. The teacher took him in a second, said bye2 mom & dad, and literally closed the door in front of our face. I was like: are you serious, no explanation for us on what will happen on his first day whatsoever? When we picked him up that day, he was running toward me and crying so loud and so sad I almost cried with him. His teacher was so shocked, he said he was good the WHOLE day, surprisingly good for one’s first day. The next day dropping him off was not easy, he knew what was coming. But his teacher as usual, took him in very quick and didn’t even let us in the class. But when we peeked at the window, he was actually fine. One time he saw us peeking and then he went back to crying. Anyway after about several weeks of that, now he walks into his class, we can be inside put his lunch bag on the table, saw them singing, he’d be totally fine. When we picked him up, he’d smile happily came over to hug us and then went back to play, reluctant to go home.. 🙂
Do you remember way back when you had to sleep-train Harlow? I remember reading about how at first it was bad, but once she was sleeping through the night she was so much better? I think this is a similar situation. I can tell from your posts that you’re normally not a “forceful” parent (you let the girls potty train at their own pace, and you stayed to drop Harlow off at preschool), but you may need to change tactics with this one.
The more confident you are with Harlow when you drop her off, the more confident she will be. I’m sure that you’re stressed and anxious at dropoff because you want it to go well, you don’t want her to be sad, the counselors aren’t trained professionals which worries you, etc. Harlow feeds off of this.
If possible, when you drop her off, just you or Mike do it. Maybe drop off Mazzy first, or each of you do one, or something. Then, when you pull up to camp, say your goodbyes next to the car. Do a very quick routine – hug, kiss, quick necklace touch. Then walk her/carry her to the drop off area, put her down/let go of her and, and LEAVE. Just walk away. She will have a full on meltdown. It’s OK. She will be fine. The counselors will pick up on the best way to distract her. She will probably do this for several days, and most Mondays, but over time she should do it less and less.
We have been lucky with the quick hug and goodbye and only had one camp where drop off was an issue. It was the first summer where my oldest realized that the youngest was going to get alone time with me.
I bought her a watch and used it several ways. We used the stop watch and the countdown timer so she could keep track of when I would be back. She got to pick if we did countdown or stopwatch version and knew that she couldn’t hit start until I was on my way out the door. I think it was just the fact that the timer kept my return time in her mind that helped. She had no doubt that there would be an end to the camp day and that i would be there to get her
With my oldest, when he went through this phase, I did the hand over and ran…..no goodbyes even because that did extend it. His sitter (our friend) usually texted me before we got down the street that he was happy. I think that you’re right….they know how to break your heart and it’s okay to cry in the car…..just don’t look back. Now, he’s super independent, but still strongly attached. You just have to find what works for you and what level of sadness you’re willing to stomach.
As a Preschool teacher I reassure you, 99% of the time it is hardest on us as parents. But the more you linger the harder it gets. That doesn’t mean don’t reassure her. Give her a few minutes of your time at drop-off and always say good bye and remind her Mommies always come back.Something I have done which helped a child struggling like Harlow is to make a Key to Mommy’s heart for her to wear around her neck or attached to a belt loop. Take an old key and together you and her can decorate it. I recommend using nail Polish and sealing it with clear Polish. It then doesn’t rub off on the skin when wet or sweaty. Before sealing add glitter or something. Loop a leather cord through it for a necklace. Then when you drop her off add your kisses to it and let her know you are with her even when not there. She can hold it if she needs reassurance throughout the day.
I’m going to be the dissenter and say pull her out of camp or find a different camp. Life is too short and she’s just little and not ready.
I still remember ( I’m 41) the feeling of total abandonment when I was put in preschool at that age. I hated every minute of it .. why should the little one’s feelings not count?
It’s also one thing if this is something you have to do for economic reasons ( like daycare if you have to work) but I’m not hearing that that is the case here…
I am a big believer in dropping them off quickly and getting the hell out of there. My babysitter is great and sends me a picture (usually just a few minutes later) of her content as can be. Maybe just request that from the counselors every time?
I’m also a big believer in bribery. and I usually bribe them with something that we are planning on doing anyway (nearly every saturday that we are home, I will take the kids to the local swimming pool, but if they are naughty during the week, and don’t listen, then I don’t take them) mean I know.
What does Dr. B have to say??? I’m talking about your sister. Her name is Dr. B, right?
You mentioned Luke. Perhaps Luke’s mom could pick up Harlow and Mazzy one morning and you pick them up. Then you wouldn’t have the anxiety as much. Rotate taking and picking up. Just a thought.
I know this won’t be a popular opinion, but speaking as someone who had horrible separation anxiety for years as a child, pull her out. Figure out another child care option. I will never forget the sickening fear at being dropped off and it isn’t something I ever want my children to go through. She isn’t trying to manipulate you, she is afraid.
Totally agree. Why do we assume they are little manipulators? Sheesh, my 3yo is the most honest person I know.
My sons first year of camp he took our pictures with him and had them close by for when he missed us. I handed him over to a councilor and left quickly. I know it sounds bad but I’d give him a hug and a kiss and not linger. It helped him. The pictures helped him too. He now loves camp and looks forward to it every summer.
My son cried almost every time I dropped him off at Mother’s Day Out this year! Toward the end of the year he got better but I ripped my heart out every time, even though his teachers promised that five minutes after I left he was always fine the rest of the day, and he always seemed happy when I picked him up. One thing that helped was we started telling him when I would be back to pick him up (after nap). His teacher would tell him he would have “lunch time, nap time, Mama time!” It was something he could repeat and I think it helped him feel less panicky when he was reminded of the order of things. And I always made it quick — I handed him
Over to his teacher and quickly told him I loved him and would be back, then I made my exit.
It’s so hard. As a former first grade teacher & camp counselor I agree that a short & sweet goodbye is best. A regular routine is helps too. The fact that the counselors offered her a “special job” is another great thing. I used to put “kisses” in my girls’ pockets or whatever(kiss my finger tips and place them in pockets) so in case they needed one it would be there. You could kiss a napkin with lipstick & put it in her backpack. I love the idea of a family photo she can keep with her or look at when she wants. Just hang in there. If you take her home she has control over the situation & that is tooooo overwhelming for little ones. You did the right thing letting her stay and since you got a text with smiles that’s a good sign. She will be fine.
I was a camp counselor for five years and wanted to give them a little plug- I promise they are highly trained! Most camps put a lot of time and effort into training their staff to work with kids of all ages. The teenagers at my camp worked under more experienced adult staff and they did a phenomenal job. I hope that this gets easier for you and Harlow! Camp is awesome. 🙂
I noticed that you said Mike was with you which is not your norm. Sometimes small changes can really throw them for a loop.
I know you said she hasn’t been responding to Mazzy’s help while you’re still there. Would she be allowed to see Mazzy, maybe just for a hug, if she asked to during the day? Maybe if she knew that was an option, and that her whole family wasn’t out of reach for the whole day? I never sent my kids to camp, but I had a heck of a time sending my son to preschool, when he was almost 4. I know it’s much harder on Mom than the child!
My husband drops the girls off in the morning. My little one (just turn 4) was like Harlow when she was 3. One day, after the long drop off, I told her because of that, daddy was late for work, and his boss was so mad that the boss yell at daddy ( which never happen). And then daddy was so sad he almost cry. After that, we never have any problems during drop off. If she starts to pull that again, all my husband needs to said was” daddy has meeting and can’t be late or boss will yell, and dads will be on time out and will be so so sad”. Not sur if this will work for you, but since my girls does not want their daddy “on time out” or “sad” or “yell by others”,it works like magic!
I own an in-home daycare and I promise that 99% of the time kids are fine within minutes after you leave. They can be laying on the floor sobbing hysterically, but the second the parent pulls out of the driveway, they jump up and play with their friends. I agree that a super quick goodbye works best. Be cheerful and upbeat, but quick. “OK, mommy is going to work, have a great day with your friends, and I’ll pick you up when I get off.” Imagine you are at Walmart and need to walk past the toy aisle, but aren’t planning on a purchase. You would walk your kiddo by as quickly as possible and hope for a minimum of fuss. You wouldn’t stand around in the aisle for 20 minutes while they point at all the toys and then leave without buying. It’s cruel. Walk in, hand her off, and run to your car.
Have you ever asked her why? My youngest has gotten better each year, but she has anxiety and separation anxiety for sure. Having her (very patient) older sister be with her for drop offs helped a lot and I did try to use camps as little as posdible. I couldnt cater too much with school but would as possible with daycare/camp, and she did slowly, on her own terms, outgrow it. A lot had to do with her being shy to tal, so of course makes sense then anxiety to be lef . She was fine, then freaking this spring about a one day camp – I had no clue why until in a pitiful bedtime confession she cried “Its my first camp without my sister!”. Which of course made sense, poor thing. I still sent her but did contingency plans – of course she was 6 not 3, so makes huge difference … she was fine and proud of herself at pickup saying “Now I know I can be by myself and be fine”. So it will come, but I echo the comments of deal with her as a unique individual, ease her anxiety as best you can using small steps etc. Like say if you drop ofc no tears, Ill pick you up at lunch today, use sticker cgart for a reward if no tears at drop off – then Fri could pick up early and get a special treat. Dont cater 100% to the anxiety, but dont minimize the fear either. Figure out a way to help navigate it, instead, as if it is her personality (as it is with my smart and fiesty when comfortable but anxious in the unknown second child) she needs coping mechanisms for life. Good luck!!
Daniel Tiger’s song:
Grownups Come Back