Yesterday, I picked up the kids from camp, made them dinner, bathed them, let them watch one show, played a game of Parcheesi (our new favorite game that my mom recently unearthed from my childhood), gave the girls their “last foods” (strawberries for Mazzy and a cheese stick for Harlow), helped them brush their teeth and put them to bed.
Then I crawled into bed myself, with my phone and my laptop and read every piece of news I could get my hands on (the Times, Wapo, convoluted twitter threads that I only half understood, etc.) until I eventually passed out. I woke up with my phone on my chest, the battery dead. This is what I have done most nights since November 2016, but yesterday, the news was particularly bad. In front of the world, on television, Trump backed Putin over the findings of the US intelligence community, which many politicians, both Democrats and Republicans, have called an open act of treason.
For me, it was unsurprising, but I guess people expected Trump to at least play the part of a President concerned about the interests of our country and the future of free elections in the United States. Whether the universal outrage is the beginning of the end of our collective nightmare or the start of something much worse, I don’t know. I’m hopeful that we’ve finally reached a moment where both sides can come together to fight for our country.
Last night, I thought for sure that’s what was happening. But this morning, I see it already fading from the conversation. On Twitter, the world is still ending. On Instagram, it’s dappled sunlight and flower petals as usual. Granted, on Twitter, I’m following politicians and journalists, while on Instagram, I’m following mostly moms and regular people, but my measurement for tides turning is always when political conversations spill over into places I don’t expect them.
And so, I’m writing this post. Because I am a concerned citizen, raising two daughters in this country and the stakes are really fucking high. I had planned to write another post today, about milestone parenting moments that I missed over the years, but I am saving that for another time, when it feels more important. Today, I want you guys to know that even when I post photos of my kids playing in the yard or on the beach or at some crazy Instagram pop-up, there is an undercurrent of awareness of what is happening. We have our fun, the kids think all is normal, but then I put them to sleep and the sense of impending doom returns.
I have a picture that I’ve been saving since January of Harlow eating from a huge tub of popcorn. My plan was to pull it out when something major happened that marked a sure sign of impeachment. “Grab the popcorn and pull up a chair,” as they say. But, of course, every new low that I thought for sure would result in definitive action, proved to be just another blip in an ever-changing news cycle. There is no bottom to the lows it seems.
I look at my children and although they are not completely in the dark, they are also not privy to the real dangers Trump poses. They know he’s not a nice man who is not making good decisions for our country. That’s the extent of it. They don’t know about kids in cages or the rise in school shootings or our new Supreme Court Justice nominee. They know that it’s important to vote for the politicians we want to see in office in 2018, but they don’t know about the possibility of repeated Russian election interference. They know that things are bad now (in a distant way that doesn’t really affect them), but they don’t know, if unchecked, what our country has to the potential to become. Will women rights be upheld? Will the NRA control government policy? What is life like when our enemies are now our allies and our allies are now our enemies?
I also wonder what their impression of the United States will be as they start to learn more in school. How will schools handle teaching about government if Trump remains in power? How will our kids be taught “facts,” if journalists are considered, as Trump called them this past weekend, “the enemy of the people?” What will our children be taught in science, if scientific findings aren’t valued? I grew up in a world where I trusted the people in power. I was proud to be an American. What will it mean to be an American in the world my kids come of age in?
We have been very lucky so far. I am able to keep my real fears hidden from them. They exist in the abstract. The “what ifs.” I tell them about President Obama because I want them to know that having a good person as a leader is possible. That no one will ever be perfect but at least they can be intelligent, informed and well intentioned. My message to them is the same as the message Obama gave to us— one of hope.
I always look at my own life and laugh that I am somehow one of the grown-ups in charge. I wish someone else could make the decisions. Tell my kids to go to bed, make them brush their teeth, enforce the rules and come up with punishments when they have done wrong. I feel that way about my country now. Where are the grown-ups? Who says enough? Who lays down the law and delivers the consequences? Who has the final say?
I see Republican senators saying that Trump is in the wrong, but big talk isn’t enough. As I always tell myself when my kids get out of hand— you must follow through with action. You must let them know you mean business. You must be the grown-up.
Please. Do it for all our children.
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Follow me at @mommyshorts on Instagram and @mommyshorts on Twitter.
Well said. I am a Canadian and I too feel the fear of what trump can do. If everything continues as is; you are welcome to move north of the boarder, seeking asylum from a crazy government 😜
Well said. I don’t have kids yet and I worry about bringing a child into this world sometimes. I have to think it’ll get better but so many days it just seems to get worse and worse. Sometimes it feels like nobody is being logical anymore and I just want to scream. Thanks for continuing to speak out about politics even when you lose followers – it really helps to feel like we’re in it together right about now.
I love this so much. Thank you for writing it. And i have so much respect for you for using your platform in this way. Too many people from Republican congressmen to big time bloggers are staying silent. But we can’t. We can’t let this ever be seen as normal, and we HAVE to turn the tide in the midterms.
I’ve literally googled every iteration of “likelihood of trump getting impeached” since he got elected. I’m so worried about the lasting legacy of his Supreme Court nominees. I’m petrified that he cites fake news anytime something doesn’t go his way; making it even harder to get some people to realize that there are objective facts and ways to get them. And I’m so saddened at hearing people still stick up for him when he sinks lower and lower.
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What a fantastic post. You have articulated my thoughts and feelings exactly, and it makes me feel slightly better to remember that I am not alone, that I stand with a strong, intelligent, determined group. Like Dan Rather reminds us, steady.
I’m a mom of two sons and an American ex-pat living in London. We moved the summer before Trump was elected. When we initially made the decision to move, it was motivated by what was best for our kids (I was pregnant at the time), and the discussions were lofty, focused on the opportunity to show our children how big and beautiful the world is. The long-term plan was to move back to the U.S. while our kids are still pretty young, so they get a big taste of Europe but also the chance to come of age in America, like my husband and I did.
Now staying here feels more like an escape plan. We miss their grandparents terribly and every day I feel guilty that my sons are growing up so far away from family that loves them, but what is the alternative? We are not moving back while Trump is in office, but that is the only thing we know for sure. The more time I spend here, the more horrified I become to return to a country where they are increasingly likely to be murdered in school, lose their healthcare, be bombarded with hateful, racist rhetoric, and spend the rest of their lives anchored by student debt.
We are constantly asked when we’re coming back, and the answer has always been, “It depends.” That used to mean it depends on our careers, but more and more, it depends on what happens in the U.S. For all the talk about the greatest country in the world, even mid-Brexit, the U.K. feels like a better, healthier deal, more and more with each passing day.
Thanks for posting this. I’m a mom of three (9, 7, and 3 years old) and I’ve certainly felt similarly. I have talked to the kids a bit more about some of what’s happening. I’ve told them that people are trying to come into the U.S. because they are not safe in their own country but Trump and other law-makers won’t allow them to. I’ve told them that those who come with their children, trying to keep them safe, sometimes had their children taken away because of rules that Trump has written and other law-makers wouldn’t undo. I sometimes worry that I’m telling them too much but I want them to not just see me march and donate, but to truly understand why I do. And since I’ve been more open they actually ask to join me rather than need me to convince them to come. I march and donate and volunteer most importantly to make a difference now. But I also think a lot about the future. When this chapter is written about and reflected on in history books I want my children to know that we did something–that *they* did something–to try to fight these injustices. Finally, I’ve recently started volunteering for the campaign of a local Democrat running for Congress and it’s really helped mitigate the despair and helped me channel it into meaningful action.
Ugh! You continue to be a source of light and a perfect example of how a “real world” person (a mom, a working person, a patriotic American!) can stay informed and checked in. I try so hard to compartmentalize my brain and ignore the world on fire when I am looking at my kid and then absorb as much information as I can while she sleeps so that I can pretend everything is okay, but that is not healthy and everything is not okay. Endless thanks to you for continuing to provide content on the issues and how they affect “us” and for being realistic and honest. I am surrounded by folks who either don’t care about the state of the world, or who disagree with my stance; and the bravery to make a facebook post or even follow a democratic nominee in our local primaries is sometimes so far from me. You help me find that bravery and realize its not “brave” of me to have an opinion. It’s fucking normal and its necessary! Thank you!
I think this kind of post is so important– what’s happening in the political sphere is NOT normal and we need to talk about that fact every day so that we don’t become immune and numb to the dangerous insanity. I’m channeling my anger and frustration into local get-our-the-vote efforts and by canvassing for my district’s democratic House candidate. We ALL have a voice and we should be using it. Good for you Ilana for speaking out and using yours!
Hi Ilana, I read this post last night and it really resonated with me. While I don’t think that Trump is the sole problem in American politics (it seems that everyone is trying to undermine everyone else), I do agree that things are crazy right now. Crazy and scary. But I urge you to read this article: https://www.thedailybeast.com/this-is-normal-american-politics-have-always-been-terrible?ref=scroll. Things have always been crazy when it comes to American politics, and the world in general, and we’ll get through this. As the author says, “There have been ups and downs, but the Founders were on to something. They created a system in which power is diffuse and can weather rough storms.”
I feel much the same way. WARNING: RAMBLING THOUGHTS AHEAD! Since the election, especially in the last year, I’ve avoided posting on social media about politics (except for gun control because mass shootings set me off in a special way). Not because I’ve stopped caring but because I don’t think it’s helping. It just pisses off conservative relatives which then angers me. I’m getting the sense that a lot of other people feel the same way, so that could be why your feeds don’t reflect the lingering problem. I’ve been writing and calling politicians and focusing time on getting local people involved and informed about local level politics. I’m in a “purple” district (where we are a blue state – NJ – but have a GOP congressman) so I’m hoping to flip us blue. I’m not even really pro Democrat so much as anti-GOP. Watching the Handmaid’s Tale hit too close to home with the way things are going. I’m also raising two daughters and it’s especially scary. I worry especially about the Supreme Court. I’m lucky in that I’m upper middle class & white. But my girls…I don’t want to have to explain why Roe v. Wade is so important. I don’t want to have to worry if they turn out to be gay. I don’t want to have to worry if they fall in love with a POC. I don’t want their friend’s parent to be deported.
Thank you for this post, Ilana.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post <3 <3 <3
I respect you so much for posting this (and everything else you have done on social media regarding this administration.) I know you have sadly lost followers but you stand by your convictions. If only Congress would follow your example.
I, too, am concerned about how to teach my children morals in a world where morals seem to be deteriorating pretty rapidly. It’s very upsetting to me. My comment here has a few different points, so sorry to ramble. And, keep in mind that I have only read this one post, so I’m not sure if you’ve covered any of this in any of your other posts.
I understand your concerns about Dem vs. GOP politics, but I wonder what your thoughts are about how the DNC treated Bernie Sanders? It is very troubling that Russia (and China) worked to influence our election, but the DNC’s treatment of Bernie Sanders candidacy is horrifying! They are supposedly democrats working to support democratic voters and they just totally squashed him!
I am thankful that so many others in our government have expressed their concern over cybersecurity and are continuing to try to protect us, regardless of what president trump says or does (there was a very positive press conference on this yesterday). Bots pumping out fake news and Russian spies bedding NRA goons to try to wield influence are one thing, but an electronic intrusion into the voting systems is something else entirely.
One way that I try to counteract the declining morals of our society is by engaging in a loving, moderate church and to have my kids participate in civic minded organizations where they participate in various activities to improve the community around them. Church isn’t the only place to teach morals, and a lot of churches are bad, but if you can find a good one, I think it is great.
Thank you for this post……….
Thank you for this post, as I still believe that Trump and his followers are only a tiny minority in your country and everything will get back to normal business when he returns to his office desk in Trump tower and his followers return to their dark corners from where they came into the daily light sunshine. Stay strong, hold on, we will go through all of this together. For the future of our children.
get it, girl.
this post was phenomenal. The NYTimes “The Daily” podcast on July 18 started out with clips of things Trump has said, since the campaign, and it was so sickening I almost had to turn it off.
Trump won in my hometown, and so many of my high school friends post pro-trump articles and Fox News clips. It’s hard to resist arguing with them, replying some version of, “How can you be so ignorant???”
When some things have happened and my friends STILL support trump it seems like they’ve just chosen a side and are going to defend it even when it doesn’t make sense. I want to say, “you can still be a republican AND say it’s not ok to put kids in cages. you aren’t turning your back on anything except darkness when you stand up for what’s right.”