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July 4th is America’s birthday. Yes, that’s true. But it’s also one of those Instagram-friendly days made for photo ops. A day with a hashtag. You know all your friends are going to be posting perfectly posed pics of their brood in red, white and blue and GODDAMNIT, you want an impossibly perfect pic too.

There’s only 35 potential problems standing between you and your perfect picture. What are they?

1) Your kid hates America

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2) Your kid hates flags

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3) Your kid hates sparklers

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4) Your kid thinks he’s going to a funeral

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5) Your kids don’t know what the hell to do with their faces in a photo

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6) Your little one won’t stop crying

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7) The fireworks are too goddamn loud

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photo: @ashleeeferguson

8) The sun is in everybody’s eyes

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9) Your baby won’t stop flashing people

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10) Your toddler doesn’t know how to use a slide

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photo: @hellomyloveblog

11) Your son really doesn’t want to come with you to the barbeque

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photo: @asthestrollerturns

12) Your daughter’s pants won’t stay up

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photo: @juliereberg

13) there’s a fly buzzing in your baby’s ear

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14) Your daughter got a rock in her shoe

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15) Your husband doesn’t know how to “act natural”

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16) Your baby just wants you to HOLD HER

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17) Your son won’t go anywhere without his Elmo pillow

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18) Your kids hate the clothes you bought them on Etsy

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19) Your kids are embarrassed by their matching headbands

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20) Your son hates the lake

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21) Your baby got tangled in your holiday decor

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22) Your baby is giving you the finger

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23) Your kids have no interest in the fireworks

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24) Your kid hates his beverage

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25) Your daughter won’t keep her tongue in her mouth

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26) Your kid won’t take his hand off the baby’s face

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27) Your kid does not appreciate what you did to his bike

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28) Your kid does not want to be held

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29) Your kids do not want to pose together

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30) Your kid wants you to touch her worm

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31) Your kid does not want to drop his bottle

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32) Your kid does not want to turn around

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33) Your kid just wants to get on with his life

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34) Your kid just wants to find her happy place in the car

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35) Your best chance for a perfect shot was interrupted by the fireworks starting

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But if all the stars align, the kids are perfectly behaved and nobody dripped cherry popsicle on their shirt, you might just get a photo that looks like this:

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Nah. Those kids can’t be real.

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