This past weekend Mazzy and Harlow navigated the confusing and conflicting worlds of Passover and Easter. As Jews, we are only really qualified to explain one holiday and its not the one with the chocolate bunnies.

It’s the one with the lice and the slaying of the firstborn— always good family fun.

We began the holidays with a Seder at our friend Seri’s place. Leave it to Little Miss Party to make me laugh the second I saw the seating cards.

She had the kids sit at a separate kids table, which while pleasant for eating dinner in peace, is not exactly conducive to teaching the children the story of our escape from slavery. Which involved matzah, in case you didn’t know.

The kids ran around like crazy people while we joked about who was going to read the four questions. The four questions are in Hebrew and typically sung by the youngest child at the table. That would be Harlow and Harlow can barely speak English.

Speaking of Harlow, I’m going to pepper this post with pics from @insta2yearold, because she definitely had her own take on the festivities.

Even though Harlow had no idea what was going on, she made sure to entertain us all by exiting the room and returning in various traditional Jewish costumes. The first being the Passover Pirate.

The second being Super Sedergirl.

Once dinner was served, that’s when the real fun started and by “real fun” I mean the “Passover Side Dish Cook-off” between Mike, Seri’s husband Adam and me. Mike made Uncle Saul’s Cheese-free Cauliflower au Gratin, I made Aunt Alice’s Sweet Potato Stuffed Oranges and Adam made Mr. Noodle’s Passover Zoodles. Then we had everyone at the table vote on the best dish.

I would give you pictures and recipes for each one but it is not necessary. The only recipe you need is from the winner, which was MINE. It’s also the only recipe that was originated by a REAL PERSON, aka my Aunt Alice.

1) Bake sweet potatoes for one hour at 450 degrees

2) Cut some oranges in half, scooping out the insides and squeeze the juice in a bowl

3) Remove sweet potatoes from oven, cut in half and scoop out the insides, mashing them in a separate bowl

4) Add cinnamon, butter (margerine if you want to keep them kosher for Passover) and fresh squeezed orange juice to taste. Don’t add too much juice or else it will get watery.

5) Spoon the sweet potato mixture into each empty orange half, sprinkle some cinnamon and add marshmallows to the top.

6) Bake at 325 degrees for about a half hour or until marshmallow starts to brown.

VOILA! It’s a perfectly portioned kid-friendly side dish winner!

I also ended the evening with my famous Matzah Toppings Bar. (Famous because I have spoken about it once before.)

Passover Seder #1 ended with Mazzy finding the afikomen and somehow walking away from the negotiation with $60. Don’t worry, we pried the cash away from her cold dead hands and gave her back $5. KIDS TODAY.

The next morning Mike made his famous Matzah Brei (famous because he makes it every year).

It tastes DELICIOUS but photographs terribly.

Mazzy also discovered that matzah with butter is perhaps the best snack ever. Harlow was not convinced.

The second night of Passover was at my mom’s house with the same people I have been spending Passover with for pretty much my whole life. There were a few years inbetween where everyone went their separate ways, particularly extended family and cousins, but now it seems like the band is all back together.

With a few new members, obviously.

First, my conservative Uncle Scott bored us all to tears with his VERY THOROUGH and VERY HEBREW story of Passover.

Then Grandsam entertained the kids with his 10 Plagues Puppets, which are hilarious to the adults but pretty terrifying for a small child.

Mazzy found out she REALLY REALLY REALLY likes grape juice.

At least I hope she was drinking grape juice.

What did I tell you about Harlow and hats?

Mazzy found the afikomen once again, thanks to a lot of hand holding, the fact that she was the only real contender and a VERY LOUD game of “hot and cold”. To be fair, my Uncle Scott hid the matzah inbetween the pages of a newspaper in an overcrowded magazine rack, which is really a hiding spot more suitable for a 13-year-old.

The next morning, Mazzy asked, “What are we doing for Easter?” And we were like, “Ummmm…. nothing. We’re Jewish, remember?” But then went online and found a free egg hunt at a local school.

Seri joined us with her son Luke and the three kids together made for a classic Easter picture.

I call it “The Jews at the Egg Hunt”. From left to right, they’ve got a camera bag, a tote, a Lesportsac and next to them, there is a random kid with a white plastic grocery bag. No baskets here! Also, the looks on their faces combined with caution tape make it look like they are standing at the edge of a crime scene.

The less than thrilled faces were due to the extreme tardiness of the Easter Bunny who was supposed to kick off the egg hunt with his arrival on a firetruck. Just when it looked like the Bunny was about as likely to arrive as Elijah (that’s a lame joke for the Jews), the siren sounded, a horrifying bunny descended and all the kids were off running.

I wish I had video of little Harlow taking off amidst the hoards of big kids and adults, but I was too concerned with her being trampled.

Mazzy was fine, collecting as many pink eggs as she could carry. Harlow scooped a bunch up too, filling her LeSportsac quickly and then putting extras in her pockets.

There were probably about 1000 eggs in the field (I don’t know who stuffed them but I’m chalking it up to taxpayer dollars well spent) but only four “golden” eggs. Mazzy tried her best but came up short. Although, she’s still young enough to not let it upset her.

“I can just take two yellow egg sides, put them together and make a golden egg!”

Shhhhhhhh. Don’t tell her that those golden eggs probably contained way better prizes.

Back at home, we dumped out the eggs and opened them all up.

I made most candies off limits but let them each have a tootsie roll. I thought they would fight me but Mazzy and Harlow were more excited by collecting the eggs and opening them up then the actual prizes inside.

I also gave them a few miniature chocolate bunnies I had gotten in a gift bag from a Lindt chocolate event.

There was one extra big bunny and I told them it was a gift for someone at work so they wouldn’t fight over it.

The next morning, Mazzy was horrified to find the bunny with his head bitten off.

“MOM!!!! LOOOOOK!!!!!! SOMEONE ATE THE BUNNY!!!!!!”

“Oh gosh, Mazzy, I have no idea how that happened!”

Shhhhhhh. Let’s blame Elijah.

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