Today, I will be inaccessible. Off line. Out of commission. More precisely— IN THE AIR. Today, I am flying to Hawaii with my husband sans children. Yes, that’s right, we are abandoning our babies. FOR A WEEK. This will be the first time both of us are leaving both our girls at once.

HALLELUJAH!

Did I write that out loud?

I meant to say— I really hope they’ll be ok without us and I miss them already.

(That’s in case they read this blog post when they get older.)

Now, now. Before you get too jealous, please know I will also be traveling with fifty of my husband’s closest co-workers and their spouses. There will be constant mingling, schmoozing and small talk. We’ve done this trip before and it is AWESOME. We are incredibly lucky for this opportunity.

But will it be relaxing? NOT EVEN A LITTLE.

Take for instance, my suitcase. It is now filled with every item I have ever worn in the summer. Bathing suits, sundresses, capri pants, crisp shorts and tunics. Evening wear, accessories (how does one travel with a sun hat, anyway?) and the shoes. SO MANY PAIRS OF SHOES.

Vacation is a place you can wear the same overwashed t-shirt every day for a week. Not a place you have to put more thought into your atttire than you do at home. Not a place you have to worry about what you look like in a bathing suit because you might bump into your husband’s boss.

I know, cry me a river. I’m not complaining. Just explaining.

I am psyched as hell to get away from the kids for a week. Everyone has been on edge lately and we really need it. Please excuse me while I do a celebratory dance on top of my suitcase while wearing the one pair of shoes I did not pack.

Wait. Why didn’t I pack these? They would go PERFECTLY with Outfit #9 for Evening Event #4!

That just made me sound way more organized than I actually am. Literally, my packing strategy was this:

Can you imagine someone wearing this item of clothing for any occasion from now until the unforseeable future in Hawaii? Yes. Okay, pack it!

Thank god for large suitcases. THAT I DON’T HAVE TO SHARE WITH MY CHILDREN!!!!!

In the interest of finishing this blog post so I can go to bed at a decent hour and make it to our 7:45am flight tomorrow morning on time, I took the liberty of answering some questions you might have for me…

BUT THE CHILDREN!!!! WHO IS WATCHING THE CHILDREN????

Grammy will be staying at our apartment during the week so Mazzy can still go to school and Harlow can do whatever baby activities she has pre-planned for the day (that would be ZERO; second child syndrome and all that). Our nanny Ruth will be helping Grammy during the weekdays since those are her regular hours. For the weekend, Grammy will be bringing Mazzy and Harlow back to her house and we’ll be returning on Monday.

Are the girls upset you are leaving?

Nope. Mazzy is thrilled and told me today that Grammy is more fun than both me and Daddy. I’ve always known she thinks this, but it still stings to hear her say it out loud. She’ll probably be more upset when we return.

What about Harlow?

Grammy is a Harlow magnet. I could barely dislodge her from Grammy’s arms to say goodbye this evening before putting her to bed.

Will you still be blogging?

Yes. As I said, it’s kind of a work trip for Mike so there will plenty of time while he is off doing co-worker bonding exercises (aka GOLF) when I can keep up with all things Mommy Shorts.

Don’t you want a break from Mommy Shorts?

Yes and no. I love writing the blog. And it will be nice to do it at a more leisurely pace. Maybe I won’t post every day and maybe I won’t be on top of all the business aspects for a week, but the writing I really enjoy. Plus, what’s the point of a vacation in Hawaii unless you can brag about it to all your friends online? THIS IS THE STUFF INSTAGRAM WAS MADE FOR!

Ummmm… not to go off-topic or anything but when are you going to announce the winners for the Healthy Mama Headline contest?

Good question! There were a ton of entries (almost 2500) and we needed the proper time to go through them. Healthy Mama and I have both picked our selects and now I am just waiting for them to make their final decision. It’s a big decision because ideally, the winning ad will actually run in magazines. So, I hope you can be patient while we iron out some details.

Alright. Bedtime. Please wish us an uneventful flight. I might even sleep on the plane! And watch cartoon-free movies uninterrupted! And travel with a carry-on that weighs less than an elephant! And arrive without puke stains on my outift!

Scratch whatever I said about this not being vacation.

Right now, a ten hour flight without kids sounds like a vacation all by itself.