Last night, my husband was feeding Harlow a bottle in the nursery while I was reading on the couch to Mazzy.
Suddenly, he called my name in a very alarmed fashion.
"Ilana! Get in here!"
I dropped the book, left Mazzy on the couch and went to see what was the matter.
"What is it?"
Mike remained in the glider feeding Harlow while he pointed to the corner of the room looking absolutely horrified.
"WHAT. IS. THAT???"
A huge ugly turd was sitting on the floor next to Mazzy's pink patent leather shoes. We'd been having issues with Mazzy refusing to poop in the potty, but this was uncharted territory.
I kept my distance. "Is that what I think it is?"
"I don't know. YOU are the one closest to it. You tell me." my husband said, still seated.
Mind you, this is probably the only time in the history of the baby that Mike has been the one feeding Harlow before bedtime. And now here I am, responsible for inspecting and probably cleaning up what was clearly a shitastically solid mound of preschooler poop.
"Mazzy!" I called. "Get in here!"
Mazzy came in.
"Mazzy. Did you poop in the corner?"
"I didn't poop."
"It's ok, honey. We all make mistakes. You just have to tell us. How long has it been there?"
"I didn't poop, Mom."
"Well, I didn't poop. And Daddy didn't poop. And Harlow didn't poop…"
Mazzy took a few steps closer to inspect. "Don't touch it!" I yelled as visions of poop stained hands streaking our wallpaper filled my head.
I sighed loudly in Mazzy's direction and then left to get a paper towel. I came back with the whole roll.
It wasn't until I had the wad of paper towels cupping the turd that I realized something.
Mazzy was right. She didn't poop.
Someone had just outed my twenty-year-old Monchichi for sporting a toupee…
I confused him for a piece of shit.
But at least I didn't wrongly accuse him of pooping on the floor. (Sorry, Mazzy!)
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HIL.arious..I almost choked, I was laughing so hard when I read that post. Best belly laugh of the day..thankyou!
Love it!! Love your story telling!!
Lololol!! You’re hilarious! And cue the mommy guilt….
I love that Mike didn’t even get up. Luke and I have a rule: whoever discovers the poop (usually, it’s in a diaper) has to deal with it.
Thanks for the laugh!!
I literally snorted reading this! thanks for the laugh!
Monchichi monchichi, oh so soft and cuddly (except when mistaken for poop.)
That. Is. Hilarious. Even more so because when we were potty training my 2 1/2 year old, he pooped in his underwear, and when taking off his new miniature boxer briefs, it fell out one of the legs and on to the floor… It looked exactly the same 😀
OMG! That’s hilarious… and gross and hilarious!
Oh my gosh, Ilana, I’m dying. Can’t say I blame you though. It’s better to be too cautious than pick up poop by accident. My rule to live by.
BAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! HILARIOUS!!! THANKS FOR SHARING!!!
OMG!!! so funny!!!! HAAAAAHAAAAA!!!
This story made my day. Hilarious.
Jajajajaja… This just made my day…!!!
The most awful mom moment I ever had was my DD crying telling me “I poop, I poop on my moose!!!” (moose=favorite lovey) to my horror she was holding a giant poop ball in her hand! I could not believe my ears when I hear myself saying ” put the poop my hand” we are still laughing att disgust and horror a year later!
HAHAHA I thought this was going to end with Mike fessing he pooped in the corner as a joke.
I love starting my day with a good laugh. Thank you!
finders keepers! LOL
Thank u Thank u Thank u…I was in such a pissed off mood just a min ago… now I laughed my head off and am back to normal… good mood! …just one question ilana…¿couldn’t you see that it was harry?? hahahahahahhaahhaha !!! 😀
Thanks for the laugh. I needed one after my car getting hit in the school parking lot this morning.
You crack me up!!
I am going to the attic tonight to find my Monchichi- just so I can look at it and laugh!
OMG that is too funny!
My son came in once super excited. Mon (he has speech issues and I was mon for a while), come dee! I go outside and he points to a poo on the lawn. Wook, poop, goggie poop! I sigh and grab a shovel. On closer inspection, I both sigh and bite back a smile of amusement. I tell him it doesn’t look like dog poop and ask if he pooped in the front yard. He snaps his underwear waistband and smiles, yah, like goggie!!! I wondered if anyone drove past while my child was copping a squat. And the smile was wiped off his face when daddy got home and made him shovel it into a bag. I think that was the funniest part, him crying and saying ewww while shoveling his poo off the front yard. While wearing undies, rubber boots and a tiara. God, he was hard to poop train.
Ours is a nightmare too.. I finally feel good enough to walk to school after surgery and don’t miss the parking lot hassles. Almost got nailed myself a time or two. Sorry you had such a rotten morning.
Now that I know what it is, I can see the furriness in the picture. But when it happened, it was at night and the lights were dim. I got pretty close and determined it was definitely poop. I think the seam going down the middle of the hair made it look even more poop-esque. And from where I was standing, the hairiness read as soft and smudgy which to me was further proof that it was indeed a GIANT TURD.
OMG I laughed so hard then had to contain the tears as I read this while at work and didn’t want my coworkers to think I was crazy. That was HILARIOUS!
OH. MY. GOSH. I am dying laughing over here.
Can we please discuss the fact that you still have your MONCHICHI?????
Okay, I read this yesterday, then had this question while I was biking home from work. Did you take a photo while you still thought it was poop, or did you restage Monchichi’s hairpiece for a photo?
Follow-up question: If it *was* poop, would you make us see a picture of it?
I have a monchichi that lost its wig too! Im laughing at your very funny story.
Oh my word!!!! I just read that for the first time..and died!!!!! I have not been following the blog very long..and sometimes these old posts pop up…love reading them!!!!!
I know this post is old but I just laughed so hard (but silently!) reading it I have tears in my eyes as my sleeping baby is in my lap after nursing.
BEST POST EVER.