Yesterday, when I posted on facebook about my desire to mug the Royal Baby, people figured it would never happen and suggested photoshop. Well, aren't you all the biggest bunch of pessimists!

If I say the Royal Baby shall be mugged, than he (yay! a boy!) will be mugged, and as is always the case with baby mugging— there is no photoshop necessary.

Exhibit A: Photo above.

Yes, that's me holding a mug in front of a picture of the Royal Baby on my computer. Yes, I turned by laptop on its side to snap the photo. Yes, I am proud of myself and don't think there is any element of lame-ness whatsoever.

In fact, yesterday I decided that saying you don't care about the Royal Baby is just as lame as saying you do care about the Royal Baby.

Therefore, we are all free to do as we please and unless you don't mention the Royal Baby at all, we are all in the same boat of lame-ness.

And don't even think about commenting to tell me that you are one of the few people that won't mention the Royal Baby, because the very act of commenting negates that fact.

You see?

We are all actively caring and not caring together. Isn't it beautiful? The Royal Baby divides us. The Royal Baby brings us together. 

The Royal Baby. The Royal Baby. The Royal Baby.

In case Will & Kate would like to mug their baby properly ("proper" being the thing to be in Great Britain), below are nine baby mugging suggestions. Take a guess which one is my favorite…


Can we petition parliament to make this happen? PLEASE????

Also, when Kate went into labor, I asked everyone to guess the cover headline of the New York Post. There were some very worthy guesses ("What a Royal Pain!" from Melissa Lawless and "He's Heir!!!" from Lauren Parker were two of my favorites) but ultimately, the Post went with "Crown Jewels".


That's not even a pun unless they are assuming most people associate "Crown Jewels" with something else, in which case, DISGUSTING. And who the hell is that nine-month-old boy?


The best headline went to a satirical British newspaper called "Private Eye".

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Cause, yep. She did. 

Tomorrow's headline: Royal Baby Poops Just Like Commoner Baby.

I hope there aren't photos.