1. If you throw something away because your child has not played with it in months, she will ask for it later that same day.

2. If you successfully transfer your sleeping baby all the way from your car to her crib, you will sneeze and wake her up as you tiptoe out the door.

3. If your daughter spent a year begging to take ballet, the day you sign her up for classes and pay the bill, she’ll switch her interest to gymnastics.

4. The one time your child asks for broccoli, you won’t have any in the house.

5. If you tell someone your baby is a good napper, she will never nap again.

6. If the baby makes it through an awful tummy bug and you say out loud, “Thank God, it wasn’t contagious!”, the next day EVERYONE ELSE will get it and then the baby will get it again.

7. The moment you decide to get rid of all your baby related items because you won’t be having any more kids, you will instantly become pregnant.

8. If you pack up the entire house to go on a two day trip, you’ll forget something really simple. Like diapers.

9. If you buy a new carpet and it sits rolled up in a corner for a month, the day you finally get your husband to move the furniture and lay the thing down, will be the same day your three-year-old spills a canister of glitter.

10. The one time you don’t ask your kid if she has to go to the bathroom before you leave the house, she’ll declare an emergency in front of a MacDonald’s. You’ll think, how gross could it be? THAT GROSS.

11. The day you dress the baby in her best outfit will be the day she has the MOTHER of all blow-outs.

12. The one time your toddler listens and models your behavior, will be the time you say, “Shit! I forgot my keys!”

13. If you spend half the day packing everyone up to go to the zoo, they will all fall asleep by the time you get there.

14. If you somehow manage to make it to work with an outfit free of poop, snot or spit-up, you will spill your own coffee on it as soon as you sit down at your desk.

15. If you decide to take a chance by leaving the diaper bag at home for an easy evening stroll with the baby, she won’t just need a new diaper. She’ll need a whole new outfit.

16. If you lay down the law that bedtime is at 7:30pm, Grammy will make a surprise visit at 7:29.

17. If you brag to your friends about how much your toddler is talking, when they see her, she will not say a word.

18. The second you decide to take advantage of naptime by stepping into the shower, sitting down to eat or god forbid trying to get some shut-eye yourself, the baby will wake up. EVERY. FREAKIN. TIME.


Thanks to Stephanie for #6 and Ann for #7, who submitted them on the Mommy Shorts Facebook Fanpage.

Please add your own Murphy’s Laws of Parenting below!