Book Giveaway: "Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures"
It seems a little silly for me to introduce you all to Amber Dusick. I'm pretty positive, if you are a parent with a computer, you are already well aware of her. But, just in case you are living in the back of my coat closet in the storage bin that houses all the ski clothes I haven't worn since 1992, I will explain.
Amber Dusick writes an extremely popular blog called Parenting Illustrated with Crappy Pictures in which she writes parenting stories illustrated with crappy pictures. If that doesn't sound like the funniest thing you have ever heard than you are not using your imagination. Check out "Going Viral, The Puking Kind" and "Public Toilets Vs Newly Potty Trained Girls and Boys" to fully understand the genius behind a badly drawn baby.
Amber came out with her first book this week (Congratulations, Amber!) called "Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures" (obviously) and I could not be more excited to read it— my copy is currently en route.
To help promote Amber's book, I've got two things going on today.
1) I'm giving away a copy! For a chance to win, leave a comment under this post.
2) Amber did me the supreme honor of illustrating Crappy Pictures for one of my old posts.
I must say, I'm feeling a little weird being all— Amber is so hilarious! Now, read something of mine! But a mom blogger must take thrills where she can get them and seeing myself and Mazzy illustrated in crappy pictures might be my biggest brush with greatness since Christain Slater autographed a playbill for me in the early 90's. (No, I was not wearing my ski clothes at the time.)
Amber chose the post herself (it's from just before Mazzy turned two) and I'm hoping that for many of you, it is your first time reading it.
Please notice Amber's attention to detail. Crappy Mazzy has a Crappy Bow in her hair.
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ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A KIDDIE PARK?
Written by Me, Crappy Pictures by Amber Dusick
I loved amusement parks as a kid (the scarier the ride, the better) so I was super excited to take Mazzy to her first kiddie park. I figured she was too small to go on most of the rides but at least she'd go on the carousel and kick some ass at Wack-A-Mole.
Then the ticket booth lady said Mazzy could go on ALL BUT TWO of the rides.
REALLY? Are you sure you are not mistaking my kid for the fourteen-year-old with the neck tattoo behind me?
Yes, she was sure.
We started easy with a train that went around in a circle at .00000002 miles per hour. I rode next to Mazzy with my arm laid over her lap just in case she tried to wriggle free from the seatbelt, jump out action-movie-style and scream “Thomas!” before running headfirst into the front car.
Miraculously, Mazzy sat still, tightly grasping the steering wheel for the entirety of the ride.
Next we moved on to a boat ride where Mazzy continued to surprise by not diving head first into one foot of water.
With two successes under our belt, we got more adventurous and tried the plane ride, the big slide and the mini roller coaster. Mazzy emerged smiling after each one and suddenly I had visions of future mother-daughter upside-down roller coaster rides, alpine slide races and sharing a tube in the Tunnel of Terror at Splish Splash.
I thought about how much different I was going to be from my own mother, who’d sit on the sidelines waving and snapping pictures no matter how much I begged her to come along.
“Go with your dad," she'd always say. "I belong on the ground."
At the end of the day, we had one more ride ticket left. After scanning the park, I decided to take Mazzy on a harmless looking apparatus with a cheerful sounding name.
We sat side-by-side as the "Happy Swing" started slow and steady. I yelled “whee!” on each downward motion, just in case Mazzy was unaware we were having fun.
Then the swing picked up speed.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
Hmmm. This seems a bit more dangerous than it did from the ground.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
I found myself gripping Mazzy’s leg to make sure she stayed put.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
Suddenly, I felt my stomach drop as if someone had just pushed me off the side of a cliff.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
My brain rattled inside my head as my fingers practically bore holes into Mazzy’s thigh.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
We were going to be thrown from the swing. I was sure of it.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
OH MY GOD WOULD THIS THING EVER END??!
I tried not to puke as I angled my head to make sure my baby wasn't crying. Then I offered her the only reassurance I could.
Mazzy looked like she was in a state of shock— staring straight ahead, eyes wide as her hair whipped wildly above her. I was positive that if she survived the ride, this would be our first and last trip to the amusement park. She would forever be the little girl scarred by a crazy mother’s overzealous decision to take her on the most nausea-inducing ride in the park.
Finally, the swing began to slow and my hand loosened it’s grip on Mazzy’s leg. My stomach tried and failed to settle back into place as the ride screeched to it's upchuck-worthy end.
I looked at my poor 21-month-old daughter, prepared to plead forgiveness and assure her that this was the last time Mommy would ever place her in harm's way.
Mazzy was expressionless, still staring straight ahead. I touched her leg gently.
“Mazzy, it’s over, I promise.”
Nothing.
Oh my god. I'd killed her.
Then suddenly, her eyes sprang back to life and her arms flew over her head.
In that moment, I became my mother.
Go with your dad. I belong on the ground.
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GIVEAWAY RULES
To win a copy of Amber Dusick's Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, just leave a comment below. Winner will be announced next Friday. If you can't wait that long, you can purchase a copy by clicking the Amazon link below.
Big thanks to Amber for drawing me in slimming black with lots of hair!
This post is hilarious. I am going to be the mom who stays on the ground.
I love her crappy pictures. 🙂 Thanks for the chance to win!
That’s awesome! I love both of your blogs 🙂
I love it! Lol cause i can relate 🙂
I love Amber Dusick’s Crappy Pictures!!!! Can’t wait to read the book!
This totally happened to us when I dared bring my then 18 month on the carousel. “It’s going to be fun, I promise!”. WRONG-O! The thing whipped us around in a circle and I tried to keep one hand secured around my sweet boys waist to keep on the horse but also had one hand to hold on to keep me from falling over from dizziness. I swear the carnie was wringing his hands cackling in evil.
I’ve been following Crappy Illustrations forever! I’m glad I stumbled upon Mommy Shorts…totally tickled my funny bone.
Love the story and the Crappy Pictures. Kids so often surprise us by how they take things. “Unscary” things freak them out and “scary” things are moments of pure fun. I’ll have to add your blog to the ones that I read, and of course I would love a copy of Amber’s book.
The story and pictures were a perfect match. I could feel my own stomach turning in sympathy.
I came to win a book, but now I have to go back and read more of your posts. Soon I will get no work done because I’m too busy reading funny mommy blogs. 🙂
My son is so afraid of heights he grips the wall at the upper level of the mall and walks along it like he’s on a 6 inch wide ledge. When I took him to an amusement park for the first time last summer, he begged me to let him ride the farris wheel. I finally gave in, and waited for him to die of terror when we stopped at the top. He just said, “It’s not scary when I’m buckled in.” He LOVED the ride. Apparently it’s much more scary being behind bars at the mall that are 3 inches apart and taller than you than sitting up in the air with just a single bar in front of you holding you in. Who knew?
I just ordered Amber’s book! Give me another so I can spread the love!
I had never seen this one somehow! Hilarious! I’d love to win a copy of her book!!
LOL! I’ve been through almost the exact same experience with my 5 year old and 2 yr old at our local kiddie rides!
Love your blog and would love a copy of Amber’s book 🙂
So Funny! That was my two year old. Little man was tall enough to ride everything at Legoland. When I thought he was dying I looked over to see his two tiny little hands straight up in the air! haha. Love Crappy Pictures.
Love it 🙂 My mom and I always did the roller coasters together growing up. Many fond memories.
I was the mom on the ground & my kids loved all the rides that scared me to death!
Love it 🙂
I’m going to petition my local Parks and Recreation Department to install a Happy Swing in my neighbourhood playground. My 4 year old niece and nephew love the swings but conveniently lack the skill to propel themselves to thrilling heights and speeds. Now that they can count past 10 and recognize when letters are glossed over in the alphabet, alternating pushes on the swings is a real pain in the keister for this Uncle. Lock and load them, give them each a barf bucket, and fire that baby up- that’s an afternoon at the park. Thanks for sharing the adventures, they’re great for Uncles too.
I’m the only one in my family who likes roller coasters, my Dad only went with me because he felt it was his duty to make sure I was safe on the rides. I’d love a copy of the book!
I would LOVE a copy of Amber’s book!!!
I big-puffy-heart love crappy pictures!
That would be me too, staying on the ground while kids go with Dad. Love Crappy Pictures! Want book!
I love your story (isn’t that so typical of children?) and the illustrations! Thank you for sharing!
Either way I am getting this book! Every blog post has me laughing myself into tears! 🙂
Too funny!
I love “oh no I killed her” immediately followedby her shouting again! Perfect. I’ve also wondered if I shouldn’t commission Amber to draw a crappy family portrait for me, and give me great hair like she had for her TV interview.
So funny! Crappy pictures make every story better!
You are both great mom’s and writers!
That’s awesome. I think the book would be hilarious! And your story was great! Reminds me of a ride we put our son on when he was about 18 months old! Ha ha!
Love it!
The pictures made this story even better. Love it.
Love seeing you both work together. Thanks for the laughs, ladies. Hope to get the book soon!
Ha! this is my first introduction to your blog and it’s a great one!
Hahaha! Loved the story! And would love to win! 🙂
Love the story and I have loved Amber’s blog for years! LOL!
This was GREAT! I have been a long time fan of Amber, but this was my first visit to your blog. You have a new loyal follower!
Love it!
Would love to win a crappy copy of the book!!
Oh, that is just so magical. I would love to win this book!
love amber’s stuff & glad to come across you, too! you guys were just BORN funny – and the rest of us are really, REALLY glad! would love a good book & some more good belly laughs – i hope i win!
I’ve been a fan of hers and I’d LOVE to win a book. And I’m thankful she “introduced” you to me, because your blog is great, too!
Haha that was a great story! I cant wait to see how my stomach will do on the rides when we decide to take our twin boys for the first time.. ;P
Too cute!
She’s the funniest mother I’ve ever encountered. Her post on trying to sleep while breastfeeding a baby had me in TEARS from all the laughter! I absolutely LOVE her. With three children under 3, it’s nice to read her blog page, gives me comical relief at the end of a long day.
i love crappy pictures!!!
love it! glad to have been introduced to your blog
So funny!! I can so see that happening here. I would love to win the book!
Too funny! Great story and as always, hilariously crappy pictures Amber! I love it! 🙂
Yep, I love those drawings, Amber is hilarious!! I love reading her blogs and now I think I might have found another funny blog to read! 🙂 Thanks!
I hope, when the time comes, that one of you will write a “Crappy Grandparent” page or the equivalent thereof. I also hope that I live long enough to read it!
Absolutely fantastic! This will definitely be an experience for me at some point in my future. I belong on the ground, but my kids are daredevils. I will need to fake a few stomach viruses to avoid the big rides!!!
Glad to know I am not the only one with 90s ski gear in the back of the closet ;). I would love to win this book!
I can’t tell if the giveaway offer is expired yet or not.. but in any case, I love Crappy Parenting, and I love that your daughter’s name is Mazzy!
Amber is the best drawer of crappy pictures I have ever seen. I would be honored to win her book!
That was hilarious! Can’t wait to read Amber’s book & check out more of you blog!
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