I have several questions (like "What is more likely to exist— this dad or a unicorn?") but before I get to them, you must watch the video below…
If the video above is truly a full day of dedicated floor time and not video trickery, I HAVE QUESTIONS. (This post is not meant to be a dig at Dads, just parents at home with their kids in general.)
Where was the part when Dad checks his email, his facebook timeline and his fantasy football stats on his iPhone?
Where was the part when Dad leaves to go to the bathroom and plays "Words With Friends" on the toilet for the next hour?
Where was the part when Dad gives up and turns on Netflix?
Where was the part when Dad turns off TV and toddler has Calliou-inspired tantrum on the floor?
Where was the part when Dad says, "If you don't stop crying about the television, I'm not going to let you use your iPad!"
Where was the part when toddler bangs into coffee table and cries for solid thirty minutes even though there is nothing visibily wrong?
Where was the part when Dad googles "how do I know if kid has concussion" on his computer?
Where was the part when Dad can't keep his eyes open for another second and passes out in a pool of his own LEGOS?
Where was the part when toddler refuses to eat lunch so Dad bribes him with cookies?
Where was the part when cookie bribery doesn't work so Dad mixes himself a cocktail?
Where was the part when Dad gives sippy cup to toddler but doesn't screw lid on right so drink spills all over the couch?
Where was the part when toddler asks for "something else" to eat but can never successfully define what "something else" is?
Where was the part when Dad turns his head for a moment and toddler starts mushing play-doh into the carpet?
Where was the part when Dad turns his head for a moment and toddler starts drawing on the walls?
Where was the part when Dad turns his head for a moment and toddler starts sticking impossible to remove stickers on the hard wood floor?
Where was the part when the day goes so comically wrong that Dad leaves child to fend for himself while he writes blog post about how day went so comically wrong?
How come Dad put everything away before Mom got home instead of leaving it out so Mom could see just how hard the day was?
Why was there a place for everything to be put away?
Is this really a day in the life or is this a day in the life of someone who knows they are on camera?
If this is really a day in the life, does Dad have desire to spend time in New York City?
If Dad has desire to come to New York City, would Dad like to play with my kids and clean my apartment for free?
Please feel free to ask your questions below.