A while back, I wrote a post for Babble called "Maybe We Should Let Girls be Bakers and Ballerinas" about how Mazzy was gravitating towards Strawberry Shortcake and Abby Cadabby (through no prompting from me whatsoever) and I didn't want to discourage what came naturally to her.
Then, almost the second after I hit publish, Mazzy became obsessed with trucks, pants and the Giants, and I kind of wanted my little girl back.
Well, now we've come full circle and Mazzy is into dresses (the bigger the skirt, the better the twirl), tiaras (thank god the cardboard one she made in class seems to satisfy her just fine) and Pinkalicious (never introduce this series to your kid if you'd like to avoid "the princess phase").
But that doesn't mean Mazzy's given up on her love for toys with wheels, wearing Daddy's baseball hats or running wild with the boys.
The interesting thing about "mommy blogging" is that I tend to make bold statements about my child in the interest of telling a more focused story. She's a tomboy. She's a girlie girl. She hates the bath. She loves tomatoes. etc.
Except kids are constantly changing and we can't really label them at the ripe old age of TWO. (Mazzy is my first, so you must forgive me for not realizing this sooner.)
I have now come to understand that Mazzy is neither a tomboy or a girlie girl— she's just a kid. A kid that likes both dresses and firetrucks. Both dinosaurs and fairies. Both Dora and Diego equally. And she claims both pink and blue are her favorite colors depending on the day.
She'll demand to wear her Giants t-shirt to bed and the next morning, she'll cry because she can't find her pink polka-dot Minnie Mouse. She'll pack a sequined purse with her favorite items, including her mini-football. She'll insist on wearing a dress to the playground and then spend the whole time playing trucks with the boys. (That's her in the middle.)
None of this should be surprising, really. What is inherently more masculine about dumping sand from a truck or more feminine about enjoying the flair of a skirt while you twirl around? Both sound like they would be incredibly fascinating to a toddler.
I remember visiting friends who had a four-year-old son, back before Mike and I had kids. When we got there, the boy was wearing shorts and a basketball jersey. At some point during our two-hour stay, he changed into his soon-to-be Halloween costume which happened to be a ballerina— complete with pink leotard, tights and matching tutu. His mother explained that when they got to the store, that's what he picked out so that's what he got.
At the time, I applauded her open-mindedness but also assumed they were forcing him into basketball jerseys on every other occasion.
I now realize that probably wasn't true. That boy could easily have liked both basketball and ballet. Or maybe he just liked the shininess of the jersey— who the hell knows? Kids are complex, curious, constantly developing creatures.
If what I hear is true, somewhere along the way, Mazzy's "boyish" side will be stomped out by marketing, peer pressure and the way she is treated at school. I really hope that isn't so. I don't care who Mazzy turns out to be, as long as it is of her own making.
This may very well be my favorite post…
Um, you’re awesome. Loved this.
My three year old son is fascinated with my skirts and always asks me to twirl, so no I don’t think spinning around is a little girl thing. The more kids try the more they can figure out what they like and don’t like. How do they know if they never try?
I can totally relate! My little girl is like that as well! I call her my tomboy in a dress!
Awesome post! My daughter is fairly girlie girl – she doesn’t go the tomboy route so much. But my son? He is exactly like you describe. Only interested in wearing football jerseys or baseball shirts, but also begging his sister to do his nails and make up. They are crazy little creatures.
Mine is the same and she’s 8. She loves Lego, and Pokemon, and Skylanders (yes she has expensive taste). She also loves having her hair done, and wearing pink dresses. It’s a problem now because she doesn’t share interests with the girls at school, and the boys don’t want to play with a girl, especially one in a pink dress. Ah the joys of almost tweendom.
So true… my daughter went through the princess phase, including being addicted to Pinkalicious. She now is in her tomboy phase, playing on the football team with her brother, basketball and lacrosse. However, she still does have a girly side – loving sandals, getting painting her nails and having a slight boot obsession. She is truly her own person and she owns it.
*sorry for the typos – should be “painting her nails”
I find they don’t become “girlie” until about 4 to 5, that’s when the peer pressure kicks in…
Love this. So so true… kids will be kids. My boy is very much a boy now and trying to be like his dad a little more everyday. my girls are all over the place. Girly one minute, tomboyish the next!
Kids are kids. Just embrace it and let her know she can be what ever she wants to be. My boys think that only women can be engineers, because that is all they know. I keep trying to explain, that it is traditionally a male dominated field but I was encouraged to do what I wanted as a little girl and now I build airports.
LOVE this post. 🙂 So awesome. I don’t have kids yet, but I plan on doing the same thing – just letting them be who they are, and like what they like. I was lucky to have a Mom who did that with me. You go Ilana!
Love this 🙂 My son is 3 and while is very much a rough and tumble boy (his favorite thing to do is drive his mini John Deere tractor and ram it into things), he also steals my headbands and my jewelry. He plays with my niece’s Barbies and digs her princess castle. My husband and his brother will tell him that those are “girl” toys, but who cares what he plays with? What matters is if he’s happy, right?
My little boy used to play for hours with a mini cooker/washing machine/hoover set. He’s lost all interest now he’s old enough to operate the real thing!
I’m 43 and this sounds a lot like me, too.
Hooray for Mazzy!
For all of us, in fact.
My fourteen yr old still has a healthy side of tomboy while crushing on boys, so who knows, maybe some of the girls can avoid or at least fight back the marketing and peer pressure.
Psst. I found this Huffpost article from AOL today, referencing your babble article from last week. 6 pages of comments so far! (from the totally knowledgeable and not at all ignorant readers of AOL news stories.)
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/babblecom/toddler-fight-club_b_1828511.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl6%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D198028
My niece is the same way! She’ll be outside in a frilly church dress and cowboy boots playing in the mud and climbing trees. 🙂 She’s been that way ever since she was old enough to decide things on her own…she’s 13 now and is definitely an individual. She is who she is and doesn’t care if you don’t like it.
Great post — Everyone is so obsessed with gender stereotypes, why not just let kids be kids? They’ll be who they are going to be.
The other day, we were at a friend’s house, and my younger son (4.5), was pushing around a baby stroller. Their younger child is a girl, so he was playing with her. The dad said, “You better not let [your husband] see him playing with a stroller.” I just laughed it off. But really, it bothered me. Why shouldn’t my son play with a stroller? He was playing “house” with girls, and I fully expect him to be an involved father someday, where he pushes his child in a stroller.
I hate how gender roles and sterotypes get forced upon little kids. They are kids. Let them be kids. Being a kid is all about exploring and pretending and doing whatever they would like.
OH. MY. GOD. Babble told me that Huffington was reposting it but I didn’t think much of it. I didn’t know that Huffington would rewrite the headline which really makes me sound like I’m asking for it.
My favorites are the first comment that says Mazzy has obvious mental problems and the teacher who says I should be in jail.
Sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that my tiny corner of the internet is a lovely place with smart, nonjudgmental people who all have one thing in common— a good sense of humor.
I love the photo of her hanging with the boys! I have a son who loves trains and trucks. But then one day, he was just in a tshirt and I asked him what he was wearing. He said, “A dress.” It’s just another piece of clothing to him, no gender attached.
I just want to say that this was the sweetest, loveliest post ever.