Toddlers are funny. In the laugh at them, not laugh with them kind of way. As Mazzy's personality starts to reveal itself, I have found she is the source of much entertainment. Which is a welcome change to her previous two roles of "Source of Exhaustion" and "Reason the House Stinks".
Below are five things that she has been doing lately that make me laugh. But I am her mom. I recognize that these things might not sound like much to a person who didn't squeeze her out of her uterus.
1. She invents her own recipes.
We recently got Mazzy an Educo mini-kitchen set that she loves dearly. For the past few weeks, she has been busy preparing us wooden sandwiches and plastic omlettes. But if you ask her what she's cooking, she will almost always say "me-sum".
"What's me-sum?" I find myself asking repeatedly.
"Me-sum, mommy!" she'll reply as she hands me a fake piece of cheese on a plate.
Then the other day, I watched Mike walk over to her as she was putting wooden vegetables into a pot.
"Are you making soup?" Mike asked.
"Yes!" Mazzy shouted.
To which Mike replied, "Can you make 'me some'?"
2. She shatters the self-esteem of young girls.
Mazzy has two words for children— babies and boys. Anyone under the age of five is a baby. Anyone between five and thirteen is a boy, gender be damned.
Mazzy loves going up to a group of eight or nine year-old girls, introducing herself and playing with them in the playground. She's got a loud, little dog mentality (you know the Chihuahua that tries to play with the German Shepard without realizing the size deferential?) and the girls go crazy for her.
That is, until she's done playing.
Without fail, she will run a few feet away, stop, turn back dramatically, and shout "BYE, BOYS!!!!" before darting off leaving the stunned, impressionable and scarred young girls in her wake.
3. She thinks RACE is a non-issue.
The other day I was reading a magazine and there was a picture of Angelina Jolie on the cover. (So weird The Economist was profiling her!) Mazzy points to Angelina and screams "MOMMY!!!!"
Just as I was gloating to my husband that my daughter thinks I resemble one of the most beautiful women on earth, she points to another picture and screams "MOMMY!!!" once again.
Who was it?
Kerry Washington.
4. She thinks more is better.
Remember the story of how we successfully replaced a dying Boo (Mazzy's blankie since birth) with an imposter Boo?
Well. Shortly thereafter, Imposter Boo was lost so we had to revert back to Dying Boo while I had another imposter made. Mazzy welcomed new Imposter Boo with open arms but she also started requesting Dying Boo to hold alongside it.
Last week, we let her sleep with both Dying Boo and Imposter Boo for the first time.
In an unprecendented event, Mazzy slept until 7am— a full one-two hours later than she has ever slept in her 19 months of life.
When I walked into her room, she was so chipper (she usually cries until I take her out of the crib) that I said, "Wow! Why are you in such a good mood this morning?"
Mazzy held both arms straight over her head, grasping Dying Boo in one hand and Imposter Boo in the other. Then she shouted with the hugest smile you've ever seen in your life— "TWO BOOS!!!!"
5. She's already implementing her plan to destroy me.
In every class Mazzy has taken so far, they always sing a goodbye song at the end that mentions every kid by name. Mazzy is very good with names and likes to sing it at home. So the other day, I started singing it with the names of our family members. "Goodbye mommy, Goodbye daddy, Godbye Grammy, it's time to say goodbye…" I got through about fifteen people, everyone I could think of that she would know by name, from Great Uncle Scott to cousin-in-law Robyn. Then I stopped figuring it was over.
You know what that little shit sang next?
"Goodbye Roxy, Goodbye Roxy…"
Who's Roxy, you ask?
(aka "The Dog That Will Destroy Me")
Apparently, Roxy's officially family. Which means I've got approximately two weeks left before Mazzy asks for a dog of her own.
And nothing funny ever happens AGAIN.
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Since my stories are probably only funny to ME, tell me something your kid said or did that is probably only funny to YOU...
Oh Mazzy. Is it abnormal to love someone else’s child almost as much as my own?
Yes? Forget I mentioned it. *ahem*
I think Monkey’s pretty funny. He adores his blanky (no name) so much he now feels the need to tote it around (as opposed to being just overly attached in bed). He’s now taken to throwing the blanket over his head and walking around the house. For someone who can’t see beyond the blanket over his head, he doesn’t fall often. Cracks me up every time.
I would let me kid sleep with a million boos if it got her to sleep an extra 2 hours each morning.
I’m with Jessica. Make her bedsheets out of boos if have too. Loved this post! My kids are the wrestling and anatomy is funny stage. So I’m often interrupting a half-nelson because I hear, Stop! You are going to get my fruit basket!
The scary part that is usually my daughter Anna saying that…
Mazzy has done that a couple of times. Mike and I will be sitting there and all of sudden, she’ll walk by with arms stretched in front of her, blankie over her head like Dawn of the Dead. So freakin’ funny.
Yeah. She has been sleeping with them both ever since.
Mazzy loves to say the word “naked”. Every time I take off her shirt, she’ll point to herself and scream “MAZZY NAKED!!!!”
Love, love, love the Economist line.
All so precious. My 20 month old is so talkative and picks up every little thing, the other day his sister came down in her sunday best and he said “wow, sexy”…don’t know where he got that from since we only say cute or pretty when complimenting looks.
too cute!
A few weeks ago I had caught my finger in the doorway pretty badly when our dog body slammed it shut while he was freaking out for a treat. i was in the kitchen while my son was in the living room coloring and I kept saying OW over and over. my son then pokes his head into the kitchen with the phone in his hand and asks me if I need him to call “Whine-1-1 to get a whambulace here” with the biggest attitude ever! (I wish I got a picture of his face as he said it.) I curled over in laughter.
Last night, Lil’ Bit happened upon two of her three Lambies at one time. And instead of the universe imploding like we always thought it would if one Lambie came into contact with another Lambie, she clutched them both and insisted on taking them to bed with her. Unfortunately, it didn’t make her sleep longer.
She also calls any child under the age of five a baby, including herself.
On the issue of race, my mom once told me a story about how when I was three, I studied the African-American sales lady at a department store before looking up at my mom and asking, “Why is she brown?” My mother, God love her, said to me without missing a beat, “Because that’s the way God made her.”
Monster says “Melcome” for you’re welcome and it always cracks me up. He also likes to dump his GeoTrax track out of its large rubbermaid container and then put the container over top of him enclosing himself in it. He always makes sure he has a drink and one of his toy trucks with him in the container.
That is so funny because we just got a plastic storage bin and there was one of those danger illustrations saying not to put a child inside it and I have been meaning to write a post about— who stores their child in a bin under the bed that we need to be warned not to do this??
Cute Mazzy…
My 2 year old was watching a video the other day about a goose that is raised by woodchucks (I have no idea). Anyway, at some point, the goose is entangled in some vines or bushes and every time that part comes up she says, “Look, the goose is freaking out!” I wonder if it appropriate for her to say that while I am rolling on the floor laughing.
I love how we as parents always think that everything is so sacrosanct when in reality, our children have not been on earth that long and very malleable creatures. We thought the world would over too when we introduced Imposter Boo, when we took away the pacifier, when we put her in the crib. Not so much.
Transitioning from a bottle to a cup remains the hardest thing we have ever done. That was BRUTAL.
We had to watch the segment about the meerkats in “Barney goes to the zoo” about 5 million times. 20 month old Zephra kept calling them kitties, though. I would correct her and say MEER-kats (emphasizing “meer”). Finally she looked at me and rolled her eyes and said MEER-kitties and went back to watching.
Those are so cute!!! I love it! My favorite thing Baby R does right now is put things in here “pocket”. She has no pockets, so it goes down her shirt/onesie. If a shirt, it just falls right out. If she’s wearing a onesie (only a couple of those left), I get surprises of a different kind with diaper changes…
While I don’t have a toddler anymore she’s 4 and 1/2 she’s amusing as can be. Lately I’ve been falling more in love with her than I thought I could. She comes in my bed in the mornings and snuggles with me and tells me about the dreams she had that night. Usually it’s unicorns and rainbows but last night she said she dreamed about nice martians who threw her leapster game at her and she caught it and it spun her around on one toe. She said this in the most excited voice which made me giggle. It’s the same exuberant voice she uses when we ask if she wants a piece of candy or to go to the park.
Once, when Aura was a little under a year old, I had her on my lap while I was watching the news. Suddenly, a photo of Angie Harmon flashed on the screen. (Okay. So now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t exactly the NEWS. But let’s just assume it was. Yes, let’s.) Aura started bouncing up and down, yelling, “Mommy! Mommy!”
I told this story approximately 502 times until one night Aura did the same thing, except with “Daddy! Daddy!” and footage of an extremely good-looking, extremely African American sports newscaster. That was around the time I stopped telling the Angie Harmon story.
My four year old cracked me up the other day when we were getting ready to go swimming at his girlfriend’s house. Now, you must know that his girlfriend is also his cousin and she’s 5 years older…
He came out of the bathroom with his swimsuit and told me he needed me to put on his trunks. “Why?” I asked. “Are you worried that girlfriend will see your penis?” “No,” he says. “I’m worried she’ll see my cute booty.”
Nice. He already thinks he’s *all that* Wonder where he got that idea?!
My 4 year old asked his cousin if her boobs were real the other day…..and upon further investigation as to how he even knew that fake boobs were an option – he said “Well I didn’t know if they were real or just “nickels.”
your me-some story reminds me of my daughter’s “hold-you”. my daughters 25 months now and when she started to understand us I dunno 7-10 months something like that. we’d always say to her “do you want me to hold you?” Anytime she wanted to be held from there on out she now says “hold-you, hold-you” although it comes out more like “hold-Jew, hold-Jew” lol. my husband is now trying to teach her at 25 months it’s “hold me” she now says “hold-Jew me” lol
also my 25 mon old daughter thinks anyone under five is a baby as well. and says things like “oh she’s so cute!” to like a 6 year old. she knows boys vs. girls however she thinks adult males are “boys” too. and will yell things out at the grocery store like “hi boy!!” to a 60 year old man. that’s a lil embarrassing. lol
When my daughter was 5, we took her to a restaurant and ordered chocolate mousse for dessert. When the waitress said there was none left, my daughter asked, “Do you have chocolate rabbit?” Well, that was you, Ilana.
Love, Mom
I love your mom’s comment more than the story I’m about to tell, but…
When my son was potty-training, I tried to make a pretty big deal out of every success. (“You are such a big boy now!”) One time he came out of the bathroom and announced, “Now I am a man!” I chuckled and told him that he was doing great, but I was afraid he wasn’t a man.
He stopped to think for a second and then asked, with a look of sincere confusion, “Am I a woman?”
I had some good laughs at this and everyone else’s comments. When I barked at my 3 year old “to put his shoes on right now” after asking him only 6 times he replied, “Now, who’s a Mister Bossy Lady?”
He also has a little bit of a lisp. I make him say Sassafras everyday. Multiple times. I can’t get enough.
“Mommy, you can’t be a superhero because you don’t fly. And don’t try to fly, mommy. You can’t. You just can’t”
So much for my inflated ego this week.
ditto!
My niece does that, too! To have a toddler look up at you, arms outstretched, saying “Hold you?” …MELT.
A few weeks ago, Anna was being particularly fussy while I was trying to change her diaper. For some reason, I started quoting “Talladega Nights” – the part where Ricky Bobby’s son (Walker? Texas Ranger?) says, “And I never did change my pee pants allllll day!” And for some stranger reason, she thought that was totally funny and worth repeating. So now, my child has developed a weird Southern accent and walks around saying, “Alllll day”, especially if prompted. It’s totally funny, but I can’t help but feeling like I’m doing her a disservice by exposing her to Will Ferrell at such an early age…
My 2 year old was on the potty, with a concerned look while she was straining. I asked her if she had a big poop, to which she replied “I have TWO big poops! I have a WHOLE FAMILY OF POOPS!” and she jumped off the potty to show me. I laughed and asked if she was done and she said (as she sat back down), “oh, no, mommy, I’m waiting for grandma.”
I don’t know, I though “TWO BOOS!” was pretty hilarious and she’s not my kid.
I laugh every single day with Grant (3 years old). Yesterday was while I was listening to him talk on the phone to my mom..I could only hear his side of the story but I could tell she was trying to explain that she was MY mom and I was her daughter, blah blah…to a 3 year old. So I am driving and I hear him say….she was in YOUR belly? …. you ate her?. I almost hit another car.
Now I want me-sum!LOL,your daughter’s a rockstar!love.
My son never ceases to amuse me.
Me: Adan go pick up your clothes out of the bathroom.
Adan curled in a blanket at my feet: I’m a naked mole rat, I don’t wear clothes.
Me: ADAN! Go pick up your clothes!
Adan: OK but you wont like what you see. (gets up naked and walks to the bathroom) I told you I was a naked mole rat. *snickers*
My boy likes to spend the last 1/2 hour of the day talking to “our chuthers” (each other). I love it.
my 20 month old just started to spin in circles and fall down laughing. its hilarious!
Last night, during my endless internet adventuresthanks to my new onset insomnia, I stumbled across your Instagram and really took to your sense of humor (and obviously that you have the most adorable girls I’ve ever seen (seriously) ). Needless to say, I followed the link to your website and fell in love (In the least creepy way possible).
In fact, I’m sitting in a radiology waiting room with an overload of grouchy people who seem to be unamused with my random outbursts of poorly controlled laughter as I read this post and your others.
I do realize that this post is two years old, but has to be one of my favorites thus far.
I’m not a mom, just a 22 year old who loves kids and a good read, which I have clearly found.
It’s safe to say I am hooked, and will be a loyal reader/follower.
I figured a random, early morning comment from a stranger on how awesome you are, couldn’t hurt.
Thank you for some much needed laughter
and smiles.