Toddlers are funny. In the laugh at them, not laugh with them kind of way. As Mazzy's personality starts to reveal itself, I have found she is the source of much entertainment. Which is a welcome change to her previous two roles of "Source of Exhaustion" and "Reason the House Stinks".
Below are five things that she has been doing lately that make me laugh. But I am her mom. I recognize that these things might not sound like much to a person who didn't squeeze her out of her uterus.
1. She invents her own recipes.
We recently got Mazzy an Educo mini-kitchen set that she loves dearly. For the past few weeks, she has been busy preparing us wooden sandwiches and plastic omlettes. But if you ask her what she's cooking, she will almost always say "me-sum".
"What's me-sum?" I find myself asking repeatedly.
"Me-sum, mommy!" she'll reply as she hands me a fake piece of cheese on a plate.
Then the other day, I watched Mike walk over to her as she was putting wooden vegetables into a pot.
"Are you making soup?" Mike asked.
"Yes!" Mazzy shouted.
To which Mike replied, "Can you make 'me some'?"
2. She shatters the self-esteem of young girls.
Mazzy has two words for children— babies and boys. Anyone under the age of five is a baby. Anyone between five and thirteen is a boy, gender be damned.
Mazzy loves going up to a group of eight or nine year-old girls, introducing herself and playing with them in the playground. She's got a loud, little dog mentality (you know the Chihuahua that tries to play with the German Shepard without realizing the size deferential?) and the girls go crazy for her.
That is, until she's done playing.
Without fail, she will run a few feet away, stop, turn back dramatically, and shout "BYE, BOYS!!!!" before darting off leaving the stunned, impressionable and scarred young girls in her wake.
3. She thinks RACE is a non-issue.
The other day I was reading a magazine and there was a picture of Angelina Jolie on the cover. (So weird The Economist was profiling her!) Mazzy points to Angelina and screams "MOMMY!!!!"
Just as I was gloating to my husband that my daughter thinks I resemble one of the most beautiful women on earth, she points to another picture and screams "MOMMY!!!" once again.
Who was it?
4. She thinks more is better.
Remember the story of how we successfully replaced a dying Boo (Mazzy's blankie since birth) with an imposter Boo?
Well. Shortly thereafter, Imposter Boo was lost so we had to revert back to Dying Boo while I had another imposter made. Mazzy welcomed new Imposter Boo with open arms but she also started requesting Dying Boo to hold alongside it.
Last week, we let her sleep with both Dying Boo and Imposter Boo for the first time.
In an unprecendented event, Mazzy slept until 7am— a full one-two hours later than she has ever slept in her 19 months of life.
When I walked into her room, she was so chipper (she usually cries until I take her out of the crib) that I said, "Wow! Why are you in such a good mood this morning?"
Mazzy held both arms straight over her head, grasping Dying Boo in one hand and Imposter Boo in the other. Then she shouted with the hugest smile you've ever seen in your life— "TWO BOOS!!!!"
5. She's already implementing her plan to destroy me.
In every class Mazzy has taken so far, they always sing a goodbye song at the end that mentions every kid by name. Mazzy is very good with names and likes to sing it at home. So the other day, I started singing it with the names of our family members. "Goodbye mommy, Goodbye daddy, Godbye Grammy, it's time to say goodbye…" I got through about fifteen people, everyone I could think of that she would know by name, from Great Uncle Scott to cousin-in-law Robyn. Then I stopped figuring it was over.
You know what that little shit sang next?
"Goodbye Roxy, Goodbye Roxy…"
Who's Roxy, you ask?
Apparently, Roxy's officially family. Which means I've got approximately two weeks left before Mazzy asks for a dog of her own.
And nothing funny ever happens AGAIN.
Since my stories are probably only funny to ME, tell me something your kid said or did that is probably only funny to YOU...