Apparently, yesterday was Oprah's last show. The universe would not shut up about it. Basically, Oprah's show was to yesterday what the Rapture was to Saturday. Except the Rapture actually happened. Wait. WHAT?
I'm not sure I understand all the tears shed over the end of the show since, unless I'm mising something, there will be an entire Oprah network in it's place. But I was never a huge fan so perhaps I'm not the best person to judge the sorrow of her loyal followers. Not that I am anti-Oprah. She seems nice enough. In an "I-influence-every-decision-you-make-whether-you-know-it-or-not" kind of way.
I thought it would be fitting to do a "Favorite Things" post. Not Oprah's favorite things because "been there, done that" and not MY favorite things because Lulu Lemon pants and Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream just make me sound like the biggest cliche since Peggy Bundy sat on the couch all day watching soap operas and inhaling bon-bons. (My God— doesn't that sound FANTASTIC?)
Nope, today I am giving you…
(From this point forward, I request that you read everything with Oprah intonation and insert audience insanity sound effects.)
…MAZZY'S ULTIMATE FAVORITE THINGS!!!!!!!
(Are you hearing the audience insanity sound effects? Because if not, please try harder— this post is a joint effort. Thank you.)
OK! CALM DOWN! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! I know this is exciting but no need for the screaming and the jumping and the fainting.
(Don't listen to me— continue with the sound effects.)
I said— READY?????!!!!!!
First up, I've got Mazzy's favorite beverage. Suri drinks it. Shiloh drinks it. Even Rachel Zoe's kid drinks it when the poor thing thinks Rachel Zoe isn't looking. Mazzy's Favorite Thing #1 is…
Moving on to Favorite Thing #2. Mazzy can't keep her hands off them. She likes to pull them off my face, steal them from my nightstand, bend them, step on them, squash them, hide them. It's none other than…
What could Mazzy love more than milk and glasses? How 'bout her proudest possession. Something she routinely shows off to everyone she sees. Favorite Thing #3 is her very own…
Favorite Thing #4 litters every mall in America. It's pink, fluffy and practically an epidemic. But every time Mazzy sees it, she can't help but rest her head. Gifted by Grandma, it's a…
I'm sure nobody will be surprised by Favorite Thing #5. It's the passive-aggressive-name-dropping monster I've talked about many times before. An item so special that when Mazzy is not playing with it, she will often leave it resting on Favorite Thing #4. Let's hear it for…
The second Mazzy hears me turn on Favorite Thing #6, she runs full speed into the bathroom, corners me at the sink and requests more more more until she basically ruins any chance I have of getting to work on time. It's my…
Every Favorite Things Episode has to have the big give— the car, the trip to Australia, the iPad. I didn't think it was possible for Mazzy to love anything more than miniature Elmo. But I was wrong. SO VERY WRONG. Introducing Mazzy's Ultimate Favorite Thing, none other than…
I should note that I was not present for this picture. Mike took Mazzy to the Central Park Zoo (Giant Elmo's current residence unbeknownst to me) last Saturday while I got a haircut. As much as I hate Elmo, I don't think I've ever been sadder to miss a moment in Mazzy's life. I can't even imagine the level of excitement she exhibited upon seeing the larger than life version of her favorite thing on earth.
Oh wait. Yes, I can. It probably looked something like this:
Hope your first day without Oprah's show isn't too tragic.