This week's caption contest was an exciting one with more than one person claiming to be deeply disturbed by the photo above. Nicky's mom even felt the need to defend her parenting choices in the comment section. Here's what she said (I'm paraphrasing)— 1) The car was not moving. 2) Nicky was in the front seat because she was nursing him. 3) Her hands are abnormally large. 4) No, actually they are her husband's hands. 5) Oh, so your husband breastfeeds now? 6) No, I just handed the baby to him after I was done. Did I mention it was 6:30am and we were at a Cracker Barrell?
Nuff said, Nicky's mom. We won't pretend to understand. But we believe you when you say "No babies were harmed or put at risk in the making of this photograph."
Kevin Blah who said…
"Mazda was the first major manufacturer to have baby-shaped air bags. And while they save lives, please do not attempt to reload them by shoving them back into the steering wheel."
Congratulations, Kevin! You are the new Caption Contest Queen and will have the honor of judging the next caption contest. Please wear your crown proudly. Prance even. Women love that.
I'm thrilled to award Kevin Blah the crown since he has entered every caption contest so far. His captions are always brilliant but usually take one step too far into "The Land of Uneasiness" for the judges to select him as Queen. The irony is that this time, Kevin's caption was not the caption in the poorest taste. Not by a long shot. That honor goes to Brian S. who I will be handing "The Kevin Blah Sick Bastard Award" for submitting…
"Check it out… my boner looks like a baby."
OK. If you are not laughing, than reread the caption and take a look at the picture AGAIN. I haven't stopped laughing since yesterday when it showed up like a diamond encrusted turd in my inbox. Well done, Brian S.
As for the rest of you?
I'm giving "The Bruce Jenner Award" to New Mom on the Blog who said…
"At only 6 months old, little Nicky had already learned the tough lesson of botched Botox."
"The Volkswagon Lemon Award" goes to Nixon's Mom who said…
"Dad, please get your horn fixed already. My throat hurts."
"The Clarice is Screaming Award" goes to Windycitygigi who said…
"The laaaaaaambs. I hear the laaaaaaambs."
And finally, "The Worst Celebrity Offspring Award" goes to Kate who said…
"Look at my eyes. Do you see my eyes? This is my best Audrina Patridge-Al Pacino eye impression. LOOK AT MY EYES."
And in case you have no idea what Kate is talking about, I present EXHIBIT A:
For the record, I have never seen Audrina's pupils touch the bottom rims of her eyes. You can find the original contest with all the entries by clicking here.
Okay, everyone. I am off to a remote location with no internet access, otherwise known as my mom's condo in the Hamptons. This no internet thing is a new development. Apparently, she has been stealing it from her neighbors for the past five years and they have moved. I'm sorry— I hear her correcting me from 100 miles away. She says she was "borrowing it with consent."
Have a Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Hope it's full of good weather, perfectly toasted hamburger buns and tantrum-free toddlers.
— Mommy Shorts