When Jessica from Four Plus An Angel emailed me the picture above, I basically replied "that's nice" and went back to the task of scouring my baby photo archive for anything remotely amusing. Two weeks later, while cleaning out my inbox, I came across her email again and realized I missed a crucial photo detail.
Sweet little Parker is giving his sister McKenna a big fat "FUCK YOU".
(My bad, Jessica!)
Upon further study, I have come to think that seemingly innocent McKenna is far from the victim in this equation. In fact, it looks to me like McKenna just whispered a little something into her baby brother's ear. So now the question is: What could McKenna possibly have said that caused Parker to flip her off?
As always, the judge for this contest is the winner of the last caption contest, our two time winner and current Caption Contest Queen— JLK from Pieces of Me. As judge, JLK is out of the running, which means the rest of you actually have a shot.
Winner gets a lifetime supply of imaginary diapers, an invisible nursery furnished by Bravo, and the supreme power of judging the next caption contest. There's a crown involved and everything.
Now give me some good stuff. The last thing I want to do is disappoint The Queen.
HA HA. I beat you out!
McKenna: “Pssst. Hey Parker- you might be bigger, but I’ll always be older.”
“I’m going to make you an offer you cannot refuse…”
McKenna: “mom loves me more.”
No need to bother with the cute-sleeping-baby routine, brother dear. They’ve already written you out of the will.
My diaper? Waaaay stinkier than yours.
Oh, Parker. That manly hat really shows off your eyes.
I won’t try to caption them because now that they can talk I know exactly the kinds of things she might say to make him flip her off. Thanks for having us, love seeing them here!
Dibs on the right boob.
That hat makes you look fat, mama’s boy.
“I know where you sleep.”
You think you’re next in line for the breast? Think again.
Hey Parker, that sailboat makes you look gay. p.s. Shotgun front seat of the stroller.
“Your fontanelle smells like week-old placenta”.
“Hey McKenna, don’t pretend that you don’t see my finger.”
(inhaling deeply…whispering discreetly…)”Ick…that cologne your wearing smells like urine! Man… You don’t smell any better out here, than you did in there. We are NOT sharing a room.”
Do that again and I’ll pop a cap in your ass.
Jessica- that is the best picture ever!!! Thanks for the laugh!
This is for hogging all the nutrients in the womb.
I just pissed on your foot.
“That foot in your face for the last 4 months? Just the beginning, brother dear.”
“I know you think you’re my twin, but you’re actually just one of those Reborn Baby dolls. You’re not even real. Yep, says ‘Made in China’ right here on the back of your neck.”
Love this 🙂
“…and if you dare tell mama that I called you knothead–which, by the way, you SO are, b/c you DO have a knot on top of your head—I swear I’ll tell her you cross your eyes on purpose just to freak her out.”
I can’t come up with anything that tops this! L.O.V.E. Suzi’s caption!
I swear to GOD! if you don’t put that finger down I will knaw it off with my newborn gums!
I’ve been sick in your side of the cot, and she hasn’t noticed! Sweetdreams!
“Psst!Hey Parker,douche canoe, if you shart on my leg one more time,I’m biting your fucking ear off!”
I’ve already won the overachiever title. Looks like you’re gonna have to be the “loser”.
Yo sis, if I had any verbal skills whatsoever, I would unleash a barrage of profanity that would reach epic proportion… but for now all I gots is the “bird.”
McKenna, pay attention! In 16 years this finger gesture is going to be very useful when we learn to drive in something called a “car.” This is the first of many life lessons I will teach you, my young Jedi…
Said with much sister sarcasm: “No, that little knotted beanie is not emasculating at all.
“Pssst! My last-name-as-a-first-name is better than your last-name-as-a-first-name.”
(Ed. note: Actually really, really love both names.)
Keep it up and I’ll sucker punch you in your soft spot.
Whoever smelled it, dealt it.
“I heard mom say that they were expecting twin girls because your wee wee is so small it didn’t show up in the ultrasound.”
Dude, you smell like shit.
Am I too late to enter??? Ahhh!!! Okay, I’ll enter anyway and cross my fingers.
I didn’t read what everyone else is saying, but…I KNOW McKenna just told Parker:
“If you don’t get off of my right arm, I’m going to drink all of Mom’s milk before you even get a turn at the boob. And you know what drinking more milk means, don’t you? More dirty diapers. More dirty diapers means more time bonding with mom, better chances at becoming Mom’s favorite as a result and less diapers for you. So, move it, P!”
Keep it up and, so help me baby Jesus, I will sucker punch you in your soft spot.
Park, your hat reminds me of that song “Sailing” by Chris Cross. It’s a really good song. I like it a lot. Not Kriss Kross (they were “Totally Krossed Out”). I’m talking about the iconic singer Christopher Cross. He’s good.
Hilarious, we have been told many times that we pick last names. Our youngest is Sawyer. We just can’t seem to stop!!
Quit taking pictures, can’t you see we’re trying to sleep!
Maybe you have the looks, but I got something way better!
Would you roll over and stop snoring?