1. Keep all evidence of bottles, milk, boobs, formula, cows, etc. out of sight while you are feeding the baby. Even the slightest glimpse of a bra strap can derail your efforts entirely.
3. Don't make the mistake of buying a bib with a giant strawberry on the front. After the baby finally gets over the massive distraction, she will attempt to eat it between every bite.
4b. Don't microwave the suction cup bowls. Whatever minimal suctioning ability they currently possess will be completely lost.
4c. If you do microwave the suction cup bowls, don't tell your mother. She will lecture you endlessly about putting plastic in the microwave.
5. Never pretend to understand the fickle taste buds of a child. Example: I thought pasta would be a no brainer. A person would have to be crazy not to like pasta— it's universally delicious! Turns out my baby is a COMPLETE WACKJOB.
6. Do not try to eat anything that you do not want to share with the baby. There will be tears. And screaming. And more tears. Until eventually that foie gras stuffed with caviar is all hers.
7. If it is on your plate, the baby will want it. Even if the baby's plate contains the exact same thing. Don't try to rationalize— IT'S A BABY. Sheesh.
8. Do not attempt to understand people who use cloth bibs that need to be thrown in the wash after each use as opposed to waterproof plastic bibs that can be easily wiped clean. They are crazy people and they probably don't like pasta.
9. The longer the baby has food in front of her, the more likely that food will work it's way up past her eyebrows and into her hair.
10. You will buy a fancy high chair. Then you will go on a trip and buy a portable and packable solution like Phil & Ted's MeToo Chair. Then you will spend the next year and a half wondering why you didn't save yourself $200 and a ton of kitchen space by using the portable thing the whole damn time.