Yesterday was Dr. & Mr. B's one year anniversary. Dr. B (our resident developmental psychologist) is my sister which makes Mr. B my brother-in-law. And they are Mazzy's godparents to boot. I'm not mentioning their real names because they are weird about the internet. Dr. B because she works in the school system and doesn't think the kids should have public access to her private life and Mr. B because he works in a law office and if you let a detail leak about your life online, they make you take the bar exam again. No, that can't be right. I have no idea why Mr. B is so weird about the internet. I only know that he uses their dog as the picture on his facebook page and every time he makes a comment on my blog, it sounds like he is writing in code.
I am telling you all this because even though there are fabulous photos of Dr. & Mr. B at their wedding, I am only allowed to post the picture of the BEAR up top. This isn't a picture from their wedding though, is it? Yes, this is an actual picture from their wedding. Why, pray tell, was there a guy in a polar bear costume at their wedding? He was the ring bearer. Get it? They had a "Ring Bear" as their "Ring Bearer". No, I don't. You'll have to talk to Mr. B then— he is one wacky dude.
The "Ring Bear" however, was far from the craziest thing about their wedding. Was the craziest thing the fact that you got billing below a dog (aka The Pooch of Honor) on their program? No, although thanks for reminding me. The craziest thing was that it was scheduled for the DAY BEFORE MY DUE DATE. So you're not that close with your sister? Why would you say that? We're best friends! So she didn't expect you to really play that big of a role at her wedding? What do you mean? I was the wedding planner, the maid of honor, the invitation/menu/program designer AND I had to give a speech! Then why in the world would she schedule her wedding the day before your due date? Tax purposes and school calendar considerations. DUH!
Anyway, lucky for us all, Mazzy arrived ten days early. Which meant that not only were my husband and I able to attend the wedding, but Dr. & Mr. B got to be at the hospital when the baby was born as well. If she had arrived even one day late, they would have already been on the other side of the world living it up on their Australian honeymoon. HOLD THE PHONE. WHY OH WHY would they schedule their honeymoon right after the wedding? Couldn't they hold off a month or two? I'm sorry but I will not be taking any more questions at this time.
If you have a child, then you know how busy you are the first few weeks after having a baby. Particularly your FIRST baby. Analyzing poop, covering your breasts with cabbage, wondering if the constant urge to pee ever goes away, uncovering the true meaning of "tired", competing in swaddling contests with your spouse, seeking therapy for your fear of giving the baby a bath, trying to comprehend why you just allowed this massive responsibility into your life…that sort of thing.
Add this to walking a canine companion down the aisle of a wedding, putting your post-pregnancy body on display in front of 200 people for forty-five minutes, entrusting your ten-day-old child with three random friends in a hotel room upstairs from the reception, orchestrating breastfeeding sessions between the ceremony and the cocktails and the first dance and the dinner and the YIKES! SPEECH! I HAVE TO WRITE A SPEECH! and the cake cutting and you get the idea.
The wedding was a blur.
But Dr. B and I like to think that Mazzy knew what she was doing and arrived ten days early just so I could be there. Who knows what kind of sisterly rift would exist if our mother had to choose between walking her daughter down the aisle and welcoming her first grandaughter into the world? In fact, so sure was I that my new baby was responsible for mantaining the family peace, that I wrote my maid of honor speech like it was a letter to Dr. & Mr. B just from her.
I was planning on posting the whole thing verbatim since I remember it being received with great fanfare and followed with much applause. But having just found and reread it, I think that the wedding guests were giving a bit of a break to the lady whose boob was leaking through her tent/dress.
Instead, I'll just include the very last part:
…which is why I feel so lucky to have you both as my aunt and uncle. Almost as lucky as you must feel to have found each other. Also, please remember how I made it possible for my mom to be at your wedding when you are picking out my birthday gift. Not just this year, but EVERY year. In 2025, I want a car.
Photos of Mazzy & I at the wedding, The Pooch of Honor, and their wacky winter wedding cake after the jump.