Yesterday was Dr. & Mr. B's one year anniversary. Dr. B (our resident developmental psychologist) is my sister which makes Mr. B my brother-in-law. And they are Mazzy's godparents to boot. I'm not mentioning their real names because they are weird about the internet. Dr. B because she works in the school system and doesn't think the kids should have public access to her private life and Mr. B because he works in a law office and if you let a detail leak about your life online, they make you take the bar exam again. No, that can't be right. I have no idea why Mr. B is so weird about the internet. I only know that he uses their dog as the picture on his facebook page and every time he makes a comment on my blog, it sounds like he is writing in code.
I am telling you all this because even though there are fabulous photos of Dr. & Mr. B at their wedding, I am only allowed to post the picture of the BEAR up top. This isn't a picture from their wedding though, is it? Yes, this is an actual picture from their wedding. Why, pray tell, was there a guy in a polar bear costume at their wedding? He was the ring bearer. Get it? They had a "Ring Bear" as their "Ring Bearer". No, I don't. You'll have to talk to Mr. B then— he is one wacky dude.
The "Ring Bear" however, was far from the craziest thing about their wedding. Was the craziest thing the fact that you got billing below a dog (aka The Pooch of Honor) on their program? No, although thanks for reminding me. The craziest thing was that it was scheduled for the DAY BEFORE MY DUE DATE. So you're not that close with your sister? Why would you say that? We're best friends! So she didn't expect you to really play that big of a role at her wedding? What do you mean? I was the wedding planner, the maid of honor, the invitation/menu/program designer AND I had to give a speech! Then why in the world would she schedule her wedding the day before your due date? Tax purposes and school calendar considerations. DUH!
Anyway, lucky for us all, Mazzy arrived ten days early. Which meant that not only were my husband and I able to attend the wedding, but Dr. & Mr. B got to be at the hospital when the baby was born as well. If she had arrived even one day late, they would have already been on the other side of the world living it up on their Australian honeymoon. HOLD THE PHONE. WHY OH WHY would they schedule their honeymoon right after the wedding? Couldn't they hold off a month or two? I'm sorry but I will not be taking any more questions at this time.
If you have a child, then you know how busy you are the first few weeks after having a baby. Particularly your FIRST baby. Analyzing poop, covering your breasts with cabbage, wondering if the constant urge to pee ever goes away, uncovering the true meaning of "tired", competing in swaddling contests with your spouse, seeking therapy for your fear of giving the baby a bath, trying to comprehend why you just allowed this massive responsibility into your life…that sort of thing.
Add this to walking a canine companion down the aisle of a wedding, putting your post-pregnancy body on display in front of 200 people for forty-five minutes, entrusting your ten-day-old child with three random friends in a hotel room upstairs from the reception, orchestrating breastfeeding sessions between the ceremony and the cocktails and the first dance and the dinner and the YIKES! SPEECH! I HAVE TO WRITE A SPEECH! and the cake cutting and you get the idea.
The wedding was a blur.
But Dr. B and I like to think that Mazzy knew what she was doing and arrived ten days early just so I could be there. Who knows what kind of sisterly rift would exist if our mother had to choose between walking her daughter down the aisle and welcoming her first grandaughter into the world? In fact, so sure was I that my new baby was responsible for mantaining the family peace, that I wrote my maid of honor speech like it was a letter to Dr. & Mr. B just from her.
I was planning on posting the whole thing verbatim since I remember it being received with great fanfare and followed with much applause. But having just found and reread it, I think that the wedding guests were giving a bit of a break to the lady whose boob was leaking through her tent/dress.
Instead, I'll just include the very last part:
…which is why I feel so lucky to have you both as my aunt and uncle. Almost as lucky as you must feel to have found each other. Also, please remember how I made it possible for my mom to be at your wedding when you are picking out my birthday gift. Not just this year, but EVERY year. In 2025, I want a car.
Photos of Mazzy & I at the wedding, The Pooch of Honor, and their wacky winter wedding cake after the jump.
i enjoyed that. And i’m relieved your mum never had to reveal which of you is her true favourite. But I am worried that the question and answer form of this blog suggests your multiple personalities are competing for attention also.
British spelling is my favourite.
Okay that is just sick humor right there to do that to a lady who was having her first baby.
Good for you. I would have probably done it too – but I would have bitched silently in my bed at night for at least two months….
Thanks Diane, I’d love to come over on an aeroplane and explain how when you labour over a comment it can add more colour to your favourite words. In fact it behoves me to point out that when you’re in your pyjamas we’re hours ahead, waxing our moustaches, writing away and causing a furore with our flagrant arseing about. It’s our speciality.
You are seriously a trooper! Amazing that you could do all that. I am struggling to plan my own wedding for July of 2011 with two kids under two. You gave me hope!
Found you on funny moms–cute post, I enjoyed reading! I’m following you on FB
Family weddings … all fun and you look beautiful by the way, can’t see those cabbage leaves at all!
Can’t wait to meet you at #blissdom in just a few short weeks!
And congrats on The Bloggy Mom!
three random friends? ahem.
I think you looked dang good for being 10 days postpartum. I myself used “Well, I’m postpartum!” for a full year to excuse ten extra pounds of weight. As a matter of fact, I may have to dust off that line and use it some more, four years after the fact. Shame to let it go to waste just because there’s no baby around. RECYCLING IS IMPORTANT.
Mazzy is gorgeous. You are like supermom or something. Stop it before the rest of us get in trouble.
My “mum” does play favourites. She likes one of my personalities better than the others.
My mom wanted my sister to make it earlier but she said that was when I would end up having the baby. She was right. But I cursed her the entire time.
I have nothing to add to this except— Benny Hill! Faulty Towers! Guy Ritchie!
That is all.
Where do you live? My services are available for hire! Kid control is all yours though.
Thanks for the support.
Thank you! Yes, I am really looking forward to meeting all these twitter icons at Blissdom. They are going to be really hard to recognize with round heads instead of square.
Did I say “random”? I meant “responsible”. And “AWESOME”.
Also excellent? “I’m eating a lot because I’m breastfeeding”. Pass the Cheetos!
Supermom for the day at least. But not since, I’m afraid.
I take offense to the term “random” when referring to my friendship and/or caretaking abilities. Especially since I came all the way from New England in a blizzard! Wow, you must have some really awesome best friends if your just random friends are willing to babysit in a snowstorm. Loooooove Yooooooooou!
Did you know that “RANDOM” is actually an acronym for “Really Amazingly Nice Darling Of Mine”. Or something like that.
My sister forgot to mention that the wedding was already planned before she told me she was pregnant. The options were to plan the wedding over again while writing my dissertation or take the risk that she would give birth on her actual due date – that never happens.
“Already planned” is a little bit different than “We had already picked a date”. But I quibble because I LOVE:)
I have the simple solution for the perfect mom. The perfect mom would not have to make a choice between a daughter’s wedding and the birth of her first grandchild. She would simply cut herself in half – preferably vertically – and voila – she could be in 2 places at the same time. I’m sure it’s done all the time. Love, m-m-y
BTW, I’m sure it’s a total coincidence that Random Friend #3 decided to read your blog on the day that you refer to her as random. Isn’t this exactly what you had in mind when you wrote this post?