Last week, I wrote a post about someone that I couldn't post on my blog. The someone? My Mother-In-Law. The topic? Her gift of a rather fancy dress for Mazzy to wear to her first birthday party.
Then I did a sneaky thing.
I sent the post to the bitches my new best friends at Rants From Mommyland and they published it as a guest post. It's called "The Gift of Awkwardness" (read it here) and pretty much compares the dress to something worn on Toddlers & Tiaras (see atrocities against humanity committed above). I figured we had no readers in common and if I didn't post a link to it on my blog then nobody would ever know about it.
OH, HOW NAIVE I WAS LAST WEEK.
My first lesson was that the internet cannot keep a secret. Seems pretty obvious now. But again, this all happened LAST WEEK when I was confusing my head with my ass. It took all of one day before my cousin-in-law emailed me with the statement "Your mother-in-law is more internet savvy then you think".
Apparently, I had joined Rants From Mommyland's facebook fanpage, which popped up on my mother-in-law's news feed, which led her to the fanpage, which in turn, led her to the post. CRAZYTOWN. She read it, told my aunt-in-law about it, who told her daughter about it who was the one that emailed me the NEWS.
I checked my phone and saw that I had a missed call from her.
I called her immediately. I began with a big apology. Then I explained that I wrote it just to be funny, it was greatly exaggerated, and that I actually think the dress (while maybe a little different from Mazzy's usual style) is going to look totally cute and extra special when she wears it on her birthday. I talked as quickly as I could while saying as much as possible until finally I had nothing left to do but take a breath.
"Ilana." (This is my mother-in-law speaking).
"Yes?" (That's me).
Pause for effect.
"I thought it was hilarious".
"You are some writer!"
I'm sorry— who is this person with the incredible sense of humor?
"And one more thing."
"In no way, does Mazzy have to wear the dress if you don't want her too. I have no problem if you return it. I will not be offended in the slightest."
Was this a trick?
"I promise. I will not care."
I was floored.
Is it possible it took me doing something completely moronic, extremely underhanded and totally self-serving to find out that my mother-in-law is, in fact, AWESOME?
Indeed it did.
Does this mean I should write that post I've been wanting to write about my own mother???
The woman would bury me alive.
In honor of my awesome Mother-In-Law and her incredible sense of humor, please accept this "Gift of Awkwardness" badge. No really, I insist. Take it. It will look brilliant on your blog. Seriously. I am sure of it. Like SUPER BRILLIANT. Have you taken it yet? Come on, already… TAKE THE DAMN GIFT.
too damn funny.
Oh my you are indeed quite a writer!! This had me roaring! Kudos to your wonderfully gracious mother in law!!
OMG, I got so vicariously nervous reading this, I almost passed out at my desk. You’re a lucky lady! Wowwowwowwowwow!
ZOMG!! hilarious! I have a post sitting my brain about my own mother too. But if I ever got it out…you would find me 6 feet under!
Hahahah!!! Talk about blogging biting you in the ass. Glad she wascool about it all!!
Outstanding post Ilana, laughed my ass off. And except for the fact that the children in that photo are making my eyes bleed, I am thrilled for you that it all turned out ok.
Can I tell you how damn lucky you are that she didn’t flip the hell out on you?!
I write about my stepmom sometimes because she drives me up the wall and I am always soooo worried she will see it but now thanks to you I wonder if maybe she should.
My heart rate rose while I was reading this… I kept thinking, “but your mother-in-law is going to read this! oh no you used the word fuck!”. I’m glad it all went well. And Ilana’s mother-in-law, you’re a cool lady. You were just doing your job as a grandma, and I assure you, my mother-in-law could give you a run for your money. (Great, now I’m gonna find out that my m-i-l reads mommyshorts.)
Your MIL is pretty darn cool! It’s good to know (for a fact) my MIL isn’t internet savvy at all. I’m safe! 🙂 FOR NOW!
Ok. Please tell me that Mazzy WILL IN FACT, be wearing the fabulous dress to her party. And that she will also be photographed, and then pictures posted. PLEASE, PLEASE 😀
I want to trade MIL’s. Mine hates me and causes as much trouble as she can.
By the way – have you ever heard of the new book series FANCY NANCY? Everything about this little girl in the book loves FANCY THINGS.
Happy Birthday to your little girl!
Oh Shit. really? that is so awesome. AWESOME.
i had heard of this good mil phenomenon…so until i roast the pigs flying by my head, i will just enjoy yours vicariously!
This makes me think of the time I got busted on MY blog by a certain weirdo dude. I couldn’t figure out how he found me, since my blog doesn’t have my last name attached. But, it did when I first started for a hot minute. And, even though I changed it a long time ago, someone once told me the most profound thing:
“The internet never forgets.”
Ain’t it the truth! xo
That is awesome! Now I need to go read the post that started it all. I wrote one about my step-mother-in law (who is great), really about her friends who were just gushing over my husband and I found it annoying. I’m always wondering if she’ll come across it. Hmmm! Every once in a while I think of deleting it but then don’t. Also have plenty to say about my MIL, but she doesn’t understand English so I think I’m safe there. Glad it all worked out. I can’t even imagine the panic that must have took over!
My mother said this to me while in high school: “Never put something in writing you wouldn’t want your mother to read.” In this case, your mother in law. Let me point out she gave me this sage piece of advice after reading a note from my bff that she “found on the floor” (aka my pocketbook). This was in the days before cell phones & texting when we would write notes to each other detailing all the hs gossip & whatever debauchery we had been up to or were planning on committing.
It’s Wikileaks for mommies!! No blog is safe 😉
Ok, that’s really freaking funny. But are you sure you MIL is not just “pretending” to be okay with your post and really she’s working on a little ol’ post of her own. Just saying, you might want to do a search sometime. You can never be too careful. 😉
in honor of mazzy’s bday i’m reading a few posts and am quite happy to be mentioned in this one 🙂 “cousin-in-law” also, your mother in law is as nice as they come there’s no good thing it was all smoothed over!
I imagine that most similar type stories do not have my happy ending. Yes- I KNOW I GOT LUCKY!!!
My own mother is the one monitoring the language. I think she’s over it now. But I used to get calls daily.
She will be wearing the dress to the family-only party this Saturday where I will attempt to take a picture that does the description justice.
I haven’t heard of Fancy Nancy- I’ll check it out!
Makes you happy we didn’t have all this in high school right? I don’t know how most of us would have found JOBS.
It is interesting how you really can’t write about family even though that’s half your material! I wish mine all spoke another language too.
OH man. I know those “notes” well. I would LOVE to know what was in your note:)
If my Mother-In-Law has a secret blog where she is busy writing about the trials and tribulations of her days, then truly, my world has just taken one step closer to complete CRAZYTOWN.
‘Bout time you started reading!
I am very proud to be the Mother-In-Law of an outstanding blogger!! You are AWESOME, and a fantastic writer! Thank you for dedicating this page to me today, you made my day!! I accept my award with great honor!!!!
I el oh eled for real when I read this! P.S. All my daughter’s dresses come with silk pantaloons…tell your mother-in-law to send me some dresses 😉 kidding…
Next time I get one, I will forward it directly to you. Do not return to sender.
Comment of the week:)