Last week, I wrote a post about someone that I couldn't post on my blog. The someone? My Mother-In-Law. The topic? Her gift of a rather fancy dress for Mazzy to wear to her first birthday party.

Then I did a sneaky thing.

I sent the post to the bitches my new best friends at Rants From Mommyland and they published it as a guest post. It's called "The Gift of Awkwardness" (read it here) and pretty much compares the dress to something worn on Toddlers & Tiaras (see atrocities against humanity committed above). I figured we had no readers in common and if I didn't post a link to it on my blog then nobody would ever know about it.


My first lesson was that the internet cannot keep a secret. Seems pretty obvious now. But again, this all happened LAST WEEK when I was confusing my head with my ass. It took all of one day before my cousin-in-law emailed me with the statement "Your mother-in-law is more internet savvy then you think".


Apparently, I had joined Rants From Mommyland's facebook fanpage, which popped up on my mother-in-law's news feed, which led her to the fanpage, which in turn, led her to the post. CRAZYTOWN. She read it, told my aunt-in-law about it, who told her daughter about it who was the one that emailed me the NEWS.


I checked my phone and saw that I had a missed call from her.

FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!

I called her immediately. I began with a big apology. Then I explained that I wrote it just to be funny, it was greatly exaggerated, and that I actually think the dress (while maybe a little different from Mazzy's usual style) is going to look totally cute and extra special when she wears it on her birthday. I talked as quickly as I could while saying as much as possible until finally I had nothing left to do but take a breath.


"Ilana." (This is my mother-in-law speaking).

"Yes?" (That's me).

Pause for effect.

"I thought it was hilarious".


"You are some writer!"

I'm sorry— who is this person with the incredible sense of humor?

"And one more thing."


"In no way, does Mazzy have to wear the dress if you don't want her too. I have no problem if you return it. I will not be offended in the slightest."

Was this a trick?

"I promise. I will not care."

I was floored. 

Is it possible it took me doing something completely moronic, extremely underhanded and totally self-serving to find out that my mother-in-law is, in fact, AWESOME?

Indeed it did.

Does this mean I should write that post I've been wanting to write about my own mother???


The woman would bury me alive.


In honor of my awesome Mother-In-Law and her incredible sense of humor, please accept this "Gift of Awkwardness" badge. No really, I insist. Take it. It will look brilliant on your blog. Seriously. I am sure of it. Like SUPER BRILLIANT. Have you taken it yet? Come on, already… TAKE THE DAMN GIFT.

The Gift of Awkwardness

You're welcome!