Today is my birthday. Yes, I know— EXCITING. Except that it is not that exciting at all. My birthday has always taken a backseat to Thanksgiving. I know some people always want to have the day off on their birthday but as someone who has spent every birthday either in transit or at home with their rather small family, I would prefer to at least have an option that involves being around a boatload of people acknowledging the one day of the year that should be ALL MINE.

Also? Did you know that 95% of the population was born in the last two weeks of November? It's true. We are all products of the shitastic Hallmark holiday where couples get together over one really long piece of spaghetti to laugh at the sadness of single people called Valentine's Day.

Do you know what happens when your mom sends you to school with birthday cupcakes for your class on the week after Thanksgiving? About ten other moms have done the same thing. And when your office manager presents you with a muffin because she just realized your birthday was two weeks ago? It is actually for about twenty other people as well. And then when everyone sings happy birthday and it gets to the part where you have to sing the birthday person's name? Everyone says something different or mumbles something incoherent and then they all give a small good-natured chuckle except you know what? IT'S NOT FUNNY.

ALSO- amongst my closest friends, three out of the four of us have their birthday in the second half of November. So your friends taking you out for a nice birthday dinner becomes just a regular dinner where you all pay for yourselves.

And now, to make matters worse— Mazzy's birthday is two weeks after mine. So my birthday has officially become irrelevant. But Mazzy's party? It's going to be FANFUCKINGTASTIC.

Although, she'll have to spend her whole life battling holiday parties and people still stuffed from Thanksgiving and wanting to kill the girl that insists on bringing latkes to her party every year and trying to brag about her birthday gifts when nobody cares because they are all getting ponies for Christmas.

Sorry, kid. We'll make half birthdays a thing.

Anybody else have a crappy brithday? Like my friend who was born on January 2nd— a day when you can't even pay an alcoholic to get a drink with you?

Do tell.