Parental Tweets Archives

11/04/10

Parental Tweet

You know you have too many
kids when you go to the grocery
store to pee in peace.

11/03/10

Parental Tweet

My baby just invented a game. It's
called "Throw Things on the Floor".
I lose every time.

10/29/10

Parental Tweet

If your baby likes his or her
Halloween costume, you're
not doing it right.

10/25/10

Parental Tweet

You know where the blood
comes from on Halloween? It
comes from the the fingers of mothers
who sewed their kids ...

10/21/10

Parental Tweet

Back to work tomorrow after
two weeks at home with the
baby. Looking forward to catching
up on a lot of sleep there.

10/20/10

Parental Tweet

Walking down the street singing
"Wheels on the Bus". Without the
baby.

10/19/10

Parental Tweet

The baby is teething. And she's
got a runny nose. Between the
two, her face looks like Niagara Falls
on a rainy day.

10/18/10

Parental Tweet

It's funny how a baby can
sleep so well for months and
then have one sleepless night of
crying and I'm already ...

10/14/10

Parental Tweet

There is nothing strangers like more than telling you your baby needs a hat. It’s Intrusive Person with
Annoying Agenda 101.

10/12/10

Parental Tweet

I had a sleepless night and
I can't even blame it on the
baby. The sweatpants and ponytail
however, are totally her fault.

10/11/10

Parental Tweet

My baby has a new habit:
swiping stuff from stores and
hiding it in his stroller for me to find
at home.

10/07/10

Parental Tweet

My 8 month-old learned
how to point. Now her new
favorite thing is pointing out crumbs
on the floor.

10/06/10

Parental Tweet

I love my baby between
the hours of 8am and 11pm.
Off-hours are reserved for a very
unique and especially deep
loathing.

10/04/10

Parental Tweet

I think it's time to bury
my nursing bras in the
yard because I have literally
worn them to death.

09/30/10

Parental Tweet

You can't spell cruel motherfucker
without Elmo.