About a year ago, I started majorly freaking out about my kids getting older and no longer having babies. I had to stop following people who were constantly posting pictures of newborns, because I was JEAL-OUS. I wondered what the hell I was going to do with myself when Mazzy and Harlow grew up and left the house. And then I relaxed, reassured myself that I had a bunch more years as a mom with two kids at home and began to revel in the big kid years.

Ummm…the big kid years are AMAZING. This is now my purpose online. Making new parents realize all the wonderful things ahead of them.

Here are 49 big kid milestones that are fucking amazing and will make you want a 6yo or a 9yo or a 17yo PRONTO:

1) When you can ask why they are crying and they can actually tell you

2) When they can blow their own nose

3) When they can make it to the toilet, a bowl, a bag or a garbage can before the vomit

4) When they can climb into their own carseat

5) When they can buckle their own seat belt

6) When they can open and close the car door themselves

7) When they can get their stuff and walk themselves from the car to the house on their own

8) When they use their own bathroom stall so you can pee in public restrooms at the same time

9) When they can wipe their own butt

10) When they can wipe their own butt and you trust them to do it effectively without checking

11) When you can send your kid to the bathroom in a restaurant alone

12) When you are not even aware that they’ve used the bathroom

13) When you can ask them to bring YOU toilet paper

14) When you can leave your house with a normal purse (no diapers, no extra clothes, no wipes)

15) When they can take their own shower

16) When they are old enough to put away their own laundry

17) When they can load and unload a dishwasher

18) When they offer to help and it’s actual help

19) When they can eat a slice of pizza without needing to cut it up

20) When they can put the damn straw in the juicebox

21) When they can make their own motherfucking sandwich

22) When they can use the toaster

23) When they can pick out their clothes and dress themselves

24) When they can get their own coats

25) When they can put on their own shoes

26) When they can hang up their backpacks and put their shoes away in the designated bins

27) When they can pump their own legs on a swing so you don’t have to stand there and push them

28) When they can play outside safely while you make dinner

29) When they put their jammies on and brush their teeth while sit on the couch

30) When you can read and experience a book series together

31) When they wake up and can entertain themselves or turn on the TV so you can sleep longer

32) When they can navigate Netflix alone

33) When they can navigate away from Netflix because they figured out that the show they want to watch is actually on Amazon Prime

34) When you can binge watch an adult series together

35) When you can share a private joke

36) When they tell jokes that are actually funny

37) When they can pack themselves for trips

38) When they can entertain themselves on a plane

39) When you’re at the beach or the pool and you can read a book and relax without having to scan and count heads every second

40) When they hit 48 inches tall and can go on all the big rides and water slides

41) When vacations actually start to feel like vacations

42) When you can go on a family bike ride

43) When you can scream “are you ok?” from another room and they can scream back, “yeah!”

44) When you can to go to a BBQ and actually converse with the other adults while they kids all play together

45) When you can play a board or card game together

46) When you can go out for a date night without hiring a sitter

47) When they start to make thoughtful observations about the world around them and you realize there is more going on up there than video games, cheese pizza and legos

48) When your kid becomes your designated driver

And one direct quote from a follower…

49) When you can bring your kid to Disney, hand them a gift card for food and say, “Meet me at the exit when the park closes.”

What amazing big kid milestones did I miss?

Follow my me and my family on @mommyshorts!