At the risk of stating the obvious here, lots of things change after you’ve had kids. Some of those things you might have already been prepared for— like stretch marks, constant exhaustion, or the ability to have an out-of-body experience in a Target bathroom so you can mentally survive cutting a poop-filled onesie off your infant in public. For that, you can thank all parents who over-shared horror stories on facebook while you were pregnant.
But other things are pretty unexpected. Basic things, like how you use your smartphone.
I mean, your smartphone was obviously already a big part of your pre-baby life. But now with tiny humans in the mix, you rely on it in totally new and different ways.
BEFORE KIDS: You’d play a game on your phone to relax.
AFTER KIDS: You let your kid play a game on your phone so you can relax.
BEFORE KIDS: You used a map app to navigate on spontaneous road trips and find fun places to stop.
AFTER KIDS: You use a map app to navigate around McDonald’s on family car trips so your kids don’t beg you to stop.
BEFORE KIDS: You set multiple alarms to make sure you get up on time for work.
AFTER KIDS: You don’t need alarms because you haven’t slept since your second trimester.
BEFORE KIDS: You blasted your favorite tunes whenever you felt like it, without regard for volume or explicit lyrics.
AFTER KIDS: You lost interest in music ever since you had to trade all your albums for the Kidz Bop versions.
BEFORE KIDS: You took your phone into the bathroom to pass time while you were on the toilet.
AFTER KIDS: You take your phone into the bathroom to pass time while someone else is on the toilet.
BEFORE KIDS: You’d take a few photos of your vacation and on special occasions.
AFTER KIDS: You take 537 photos every hour of every single day of a baby who doesn’t move.
BEFORE KIDS: If your photo library was full, it was because you’ve had your phone for over 5 years.
AFTER KIDS: If your photo library is full, it’s because your toddler 482 selfies of just his nose.
BEFORE KIDS: When your phone rang at 10:30 pm, it meant your friends were ready for a big evening out.
AFTER KIDS: When your phone rings at 10:30 pm, somebody better be on fire and you’re only person in town with a bucket of water to put them out.
BEFORE KIDS: You checked the weather in autumn to see if it was finally chilly enough to wear your favorite boots.
AFTER KIDS: You check the weather in autumn to see if you need to have the “it’s too cold for shorts and flip flops” argument again.
BEFORE KIDS: The worst thing you could imagine happening to your phone was dropping it in the toilet.
AFTER KIDS: You can’t even imagine the worst thing that could happen to your phone, but you know your child will come up with something soon enough.
BEFORE KIDS: You were glad social media didn’t exist to broadcast photos of the embarrassing stuff you did when you were little.
AFTER KIDS: You’d love to broadcast photos of the embarrassing stuff your little kids do, but they don’t stand still long enough to get their embarrassing moments in focus.
BEFORE KIDS: You sent texts to your sweetie asking what time you were meeting for dinner and drinks.
AFTER KIDS: You send texts to your sweetie asking if he/she is near a drugstore and can pick up ointment for the baby’s diaper rash on the way home.
BEFORE KIDS: You stared at the screen until you were finally tired enough to fall asleep.
AFTER KIDS: You stare at the screen until the kid you’re holding finally falls asleep.
BEFORE KIDS: You’d frantically Google “PMS vs early pregnancy” to self-diagnose your late period.
AFTER KIDS: Okay, that one’s still the same.
This post was written by Robyn Welling. To read more from Robyn, visit Hollow Tree Ventures.
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