It’s 9pm. Do you know where your child is? I do. She’s up complaining about one of numerous things that is wrong with her current bedtime situation.
I swear, there is no one on earth more dissatisfied with their sleeping conditions than my three-year-old Harlow. She doesn’t like her sheets, she despises her pajamas and it’s beyond abhorrent that her designated spot is on the bottom bunk, beneath her big sister.
She just came out of her room to tell me that she can’t fall asleep because Mazzy is talking too loudly. I walked back into their room to tell Mazzy to be quiet. A few minutes pass and then suddenly Harlow appears at my side again.
“What’s the problem this time, Harlow?”
“Mazzy is talking too quietly.”
There is no pleasing her!!!!
Here are 45 excuses Harlow has for not being asleep. No, I am not pulling these from memory. She said them all tonight. She’s still saying them RIGHT NOW.
1. I’m too hot.
2. I’m too cold.
3. I need water.
4. It’s too loud outside.
5. It’s too quiet.
6. I need a band aid.
7. I didn’t take my vitamins today!
8. My sheets are itchy.
9. My pajamas are too small.
10. I need another pillow.
11. I can’t find Dophinie!
12. I want to sleep in your bed.
13. Can you lie with me?
14. It’s too dark!
15. It’s too light!
16. Mazzy is talking too loudly.
17. Mazzy won’t talk to me!
18. I’m still hungry!
19. I have to poop.
20. My bed isn’t cozy.
21. I bit my tongue!
22. I bumped my nose!
23. I’m itchy.
24. My pajamas are too hot!
25.I spilled my water!
26. Sleep is booooooring.
27. My blanket isn’t flat!
28. There’s too much stuff in my bed.
29. I finished my water!
30. I’m not tired!
31. Is it tomorrow yet?
32. My pajamas are touching me!
33. The sheets are bunched up.
34. Where’s my blankie?????!!!!!
35. I didn’t eat my night time banana!
36. I need another kiss goodnight.
37. My tummy hurts.
38. I need a tissue!
39. I need ice!
40. I”m finished with the ice.
41. I left my water bottle in the living room.
42. I can’t find my sunglasses!
43. I can’t fall asleep!
44. I can’t close my eyes!
45. I just have to tell you something!
The last one is my favorite. You know what she has to tell me? Any one of the above 44 things. Sometimes she screams her excuses from bed, but you know what’s worse? When she gets out of bed to share them with us, personally.
Harlow pitter pattering into the living room or surprising us by sidling right up next to our bed. “My Lego head broke off.” “OH MY GOD, WHY DO YOU HAVE LEGOS IN BED???!!”
Please, go to bed, Harlow! We’re trying to watch TV out here! We need to get work done! Our sanity depends on it!
I used to get so much accomplished at night. Now it’s just convincing Harlow to stay in bed and then by the time she finally dozes off, I don’t have the energy to do anything except keel over myself.
This is why I haven’t watched a single episode of Game of Thrones or Broad City or Empire. I really think I’m missing out on some good TV.
What excuse does your kid use that I missed?
“I’m scared.” I don’t have a great answer for that one, and she knows it.
Harlow is too funny. My favorite is “my pajamas are touching me”. Tonight my girls kept moving one of the books to the bottom of the stack I was reading. I read 5 books plus one six times. Now that they are sleeping I’m wore out too. I’m also missing out on Game of Thrones and Empire! Don’t these kids know how hard it is to avoid spoilers on our fav shows?!
My 3 year old regularly tells me “but I don’t like sleeping.” I know you don’t, good night anyway.
“When I lay still, I get sleepy” and “when I close my eyes I can’t see”. Ummmm….yep
I need you to cut THIS fingernail. Me: not tonight. But it won’t stop groooooooowwinnnnnnnng!!!!
I want to sleep in Mommy’s bed.
Hold me.
Water.
I need more water.
I forgot to say goodnight to the dog.
I want my blanket on me.
I want socks.
I want a bigger bed.
I need to see outside.
I want another story.
I don’t like that story.
I don’t like to close my eyes. …
Tell Harlow, the top bunk is not all its cracked up to be! The top bunk was forced on me, my older sister would put her feet on the bottom of the mattress and push so enthusiastically that sometimes I would “accidentally ” fly out of the bed. She told me that I was supposed to land on my feet like an acrobat!
P.S. she is still one of my favorite people, my other sister is too!
After exhausting most of the excises you listed, this starts: My bear wants a hug. My bear wants a surprise egg. My bear wants water. And on and on. He has one needy bear.
My child does this too with his “wee ninja” stuffed animal. Wee Ninja isn’t tired. Wee Ninja has to go pee. Wee Ninja isn’t under the covers.
My 6 yr old’s best reason to not fall asleep:
“But I miss you sooooo much when I’m asleep, I can’t stand it! I might die! ”
Really?
“Mom! Mom! I need to hug you!”
“I’m hungry!”
“I need a song!”
“MOM! MOM! Fix it” (the covers that are no longer perfect have a few wrinkles)
These are the most common from my 3 year old.
My 6 year old will tell me “We didn’t do SnapChat today!” She usually just tries to fit in as many games as she can while her father and I put her to bed. She has to have her tickle time and/or be chased by Daddy ‘The Giant’. She HAS to finish her Shopkins Seek and Find book. She’ll ask me questions about random stuff. She asks me to give her hard math problems to solve.
Oh, the struggle is so real every single night! I knew I wasn’t alone!
“Mom, umm, I love you” (after she’s already told me 3-4 times)
“Are you going to sleep, too?”
“My pillow isn’t comfortable!”
My personal favorites from my almost 4 year old are;
“I need to do some workouts”
“sleeping is not my favorite”
“I need a water bottle but not THAT water bottle, NO NOT THAT ONE EITHER”
My kids have said ALL of these!!! And with my son add in all the wiener related problems… Bed time is just reverse hostage negotiation… I will give them anything if they DONT come out.
My VERY verbal two-year-old’s excuses:
I need water
Blankey and Kitty aren’t sleepy
Need another book
Need music
Need Sleep Sheep
Feet are cold, need socks
My sock fell off!!!
Hold me Mommy
Covers have wrinkles
Not enough covers
Too many covers!
Baby doll has no clothes on and cannot sleep like that.
Have to pee… again.
My toddler’s most recent and weirdest excuse:
“The frogs outside are too loud.”
My 4-year old tries to negotiate with us. “Mom, let’s make a deal. Tonight I’ll sleep in your bed. Tomorrow I’ll sleep in mine.” For some reason, tomorrow never happens and it’s always a new deal to sleep in her own bed the next tomorrow. Good thing she’s cute!
In our house, our 4 year old is pretty consistent with her bedtime excuse – #13. Every night. Never 44 times, thankfully. She gets out of bed, sits at the top of the stairs and waits for my husband or me to go get her. And she always says “Will you lay with me?” And takes her sweet old time getting back into bed. I’m seven months pregnant with our second so right now I have no idea how we’re going to do this with two children. At least she sleeps all night once she finally stays in bed and goes to sleep!
I read this last night while putting my 3 year old to sleep. It was so fitting. Two phrases from last night were ” my eye are broken and won’t close” and ” I can’t go to sleep because It is raining.”
As you can guess by my user name, I have kids all over the place.
Seven running high and low. When I think I have them all in bed, one pops up.
I’m a new user, so I need help. Mazzy sounds excellent, so I would love to hear about her when she was 2. Or maybe when Harlow was one? Can anybody put a link to any awesome posts about Harlow or Mazzy when they were younger?
My two-year-old normally goes to bed great but since we got home from vacation Sunday she’s been terrible most nights. We got to listen to: my head itchy, Baby needs blankie, I no sleepy, Mommy cover me (tuck me in again), and (my favorite) where purple blankie go? The last one is my favorite because the answer is that it was right next to her head. Tonight she thankfully went to bed great again and I’m going to pretend that it’s because she has gotten back on her normal schedule and not that this was the first night Daddy was home to put her to bed instead of Mommy.
The latest one at our house is “I don’t know what to dream about”
Three year old little boy
I can’t find my babies, I need bear, froggie, and Tee( as in kitty).
My babies don’t fit under my blankie.
I need two blankies.
I wasnt done brushing my teeth.
Then the is this……
We have a dog(Angel) and with that comes a whole new batch of stalling tactics!!!!Some good ones include…..
I need to give Angel a hug
I feed Angel
Angel needs to go potty, I let her out (fenced in back yard and a sliding door.)
But my personal favorite is….
Angel licked me, I need a bath!!!!!!!
My son two and half, potty trained except for pull ups at night. “I need to poop!” “I’m not done pooping!” “I have more poop!” He would be up for 3 -4 hours after bedtime! Finally we had to say after bath, “you can’t brush your teeth until you get all your poop out” before bed. (He loves to brush his teeth) now occasionally he gets up once to go again, but that’s it.
Offically six years ago, I had an eight month old named Josephine. She cryed and was a pooping hellion. I was in tears on those nights when my husband was working and I had a crying baby who woke up every five minutes.
I was on my laptop, trying to figure out stuff about my baby’s devlopment. So I looked up mommy blogs on the computer. I found Illana’s blog and I started reading.
I stopped for a while, with Josephine growing up and reaching new milestones every once and a while. But when she began to bedtime stall at two years old, I looked it up on the computer. I found this blog again, and figured out that my cutie was born on the same day as Mazzy.
We learned about tantrums, and figured out a two year old’s brain. This caused our little climber to be dubbed “Monkey” and still responds when she’s called that.
We have another daughter, Mira-Rose who loves pajamas and playing the xylophone. She and Harlow share a personality. (Stubborn is their shared personailty, not the pajamas thing)
Sincerely,
Momma who’s life was changed my Mommy Shorts.
P.S Mira-Rose is still on the pacifer, how did you get Harlow to quit
My pillow keeps getting warm
Here are Mallory-Rose and Callie’s excuses for not being in bed
1. “Noodle The Poodle isn’t in my bed”
2. “I have to go potty” (Callie is three, and knows we want her to use the potty)
3. “My pajamas are too soft”
4. “I have gum in my hair”
5. “I think I’m gonna puke” (Mallory-Rose loves this one, and once in a while she actually does)
6. “Mallory-Rose has my pillow case! (Callie can only use the Shopkins pillow case)
7. “My feet are touching my bed!”
8. “Noodle keeps on licking my feet”
Callie’s other thing is asking these questions to stall.
1. “Can you vacoom my room tomorrow?” (She’s a neat freak)
2. “Can I sleep on the top?” (She and Mallory Rose have a bunk bed)
3. “Why didn’t we do (insert something we forgot to do) today?”
4. “How wong until my birthday?” (She’s thinks that cute talk will stall)
5. “Can you sing Wheels on The Bus?” (Favorite song)
6. “How wong until Santa Clause comes?”
Mine will be 3 tomorrow and nightly we hear about how his bed is not his favorite bed…..the bed that used to belong to his older brother. …..the bed he used to crawl into on the regular because it was his favorite bed. He often sleeps on the floor in the hallway so that he’s close to us.
Thanks for sharing, excuses list. They came to us a little bit earlier than 3 years. We just need to deal with this phase as well. Healthy LifeStyle