Since Mazzy and Harlow go to two different schools in two different parts of the city, Mike and I switch off who takes who. Mazzy must leave at around 8am to make it to school on time and Harlow must leave by about 8:45am. For Mazzy, we take the crosstown bus and for Harlow, we walk her to school in the stroller.
In truth, both of us prefer to take Mazzy because it means we are only responsible for one person getting out the door. Mike and I usually tag team getting Mazzy ready regardless of who takes her, while Harlow hangs out in her pajamas until Mazzy is gone.
Also, since the parent who takes Mazzy must be dressed and ready themselves, they are usually afforded that luxury while the other person gets Mazzy’s stuff together. Then, once Mazzy leaves, the parent left behind must get themselves and Harlow ready from scratch.
If you are taking Mazzy, once you make the bus, it’s a very pleasant 20 minute commute. You can talk, play games, test out new snapchat filters and almost always ride with other friends who go to school via the same city bus.
Taking Mazzy also gets your day started a little earlier because you end up heading to work by 8:45am, whereas the Harlow person is just leaving the apartment. So, whoever has an early meeting or a lot to get done at work that day or just can’t deal with the kids for a second longer— takes Mazzy.
With Harlow, you’re rushing to get her ready, negotiating with her to put on her jacket, trying and failing to convince her to wear underwear instead of a pull-up, racing down the street with her stroller (sometimes in the rain), getting to school always at least five minutes too late and then watching her have a meltdown when you say goodbye.
Harlow still has a bit of separation anxiety at school drop-off.
Usually, Harlow asks that I don’t leave (she says “leeb”) and then when she realizes the inevitable, her little face crumbles in this way that only Harlow’s face crumbles, so I stick around for the first activity hoping she’ll get she comfortable enough to say a tear-free goodbye.
Sometimes, I’m able to convince her that me “leebing” is going to be okay on my own and sometimes a teacher helps out. I don’t usually walk out with her in tears— it’s just a waiting game until I eventually convince her to start her rather elaborate goodbye routine.
There are kisses, hugs, noses, crowns, love pats, rainbows and boochies. In that order. “Boochies” if you are curious, are finger pokes in each cheek, which should not be confused with “love pats” (open-handed pats on each cheek). “Rainbows” consist of her drawing a pretend rainbow over your head while “crowns” are pretendsing to place a crown on top. One day, I’ll have someone take a video so you all can see the exchange for yourselves.
Anyway, my point is, that Harlow is the tougher of the two to take to school.
To make up for that, a few months ago, I started a tradition on mornings where I get the Harlow end of the stick— we go for muffins.
If you follow me on snapchat (ilanawiles), you’ve definitely seen your fair share of our muffin-eating tradition.
This means I have to get both of us ready super fast after Mike and Mazzy walk out the door so we have sufficient time. But if all goes well, Harlow and I can sit down to have a muffin (for her), coffee (for me) and chat.
We don’t always eat muffins. Sometimes we go for croissants.
Sometimes we go for monstrous waffles.
And sometimes we go for bear shaped madelines.
Sometimes we eat our assorted pastries at the coffee shop.
Sometimes we eat our muffins outside on a bench.
And sometimes we have limited time and get our muffins to-go.
Sometimes Harlow’s pig eats her muffin.
Sometimes Harlow’s bald Monchichi (which is actually my old Monchichi) eats her muffin.
Sometimes she eats her muffin with sunglasses on.
Most of the time I pick apart her muffin because Harlow finds some sort of unexpected fruit or nut inside.
Which is fine with me because then I get my share of muffin too.
We’ve been doing this for a few months now and carb overload aside, I realized today that I no longer fight Mike over who takes Mazzy to school, because I enjoy my mornings with Harlow just as much.
I just needed to create the same valuable one-on-one time that I felt like I was getting with Mazzy on the bus. So the morning is no longer rush, rush, rush.
It’s rush, rush, rush, muffin, rush.
Then a little bit of tears and plenty of rainbows and love pats.
——————————
To see our muffin dates in real time, follow ilanawiles on snapchat. To see more photos, follow @mommyshorts on Instagram.
Just a suggestion on the separation anxiety…I’m sure you’ve gotten a ton BUT what worked for us with our 3 year old was reading the book, The Kissing Hand. It’s a really sweet story and we were able to start the tradition in our home as well. When our little Avery would get homesick at preschool, she could just put her hand to her cheek and know that our kisses were there and that grown-ups always come back! Good luck! Love following your blog and social media having a daughter same age! Cheers!
My daughter and I love The Kissing Hand! She is not old enough to go to school yet but it works well for our bedtime routine.
What a wonderful tradition to have with Harlow! This will undoubtedly be one of your favorites from her childhood!
I used to have the same problem with dropping off my 3 year old with the crying, begging, elaborate delay tactics, etc. And then one day I realized that my 3 year old was smarter than me. He was doing all of that because it WORKED. All of his crying and begging made me stay longer. I was unwittingly rewarding the behavior by staying in his classroom giving more hugs and kisses and reassurance. One day I decided to stop. I gave him a hug and left. It took two days and all of that nonsense stopped. You might want to try it. It’s hard, but it works.
Came here to say this! I am sure you’ve talked to Harlow’s teachers about goodbyes, but I am a preschool teacher and when children have a habit of hard goodbyes we always recommend a short and sweet routine. It shows the child you are confident he/she will be fine at school and also does not reward crying/tantrums with extra time. Usually once a fast routine is established, goodbyes are much easier within a week or two. The muffin routine is adorable! How sweet that you could literally make an album of yours and Harlow’s special morning thing.
Yet another suggestion… Why don’t you all get ready at the same time and leave the house at the same time with the less favored parent taking Harlow every day. Routine worked for our son when he had seperation anxiety big time in Pre-K. It’s a win win because #1 Harlow may get dressed quicker if her big sis is at the same time (once a kid gets cozy on the couch it’s hard to want to leave) #2 the less favored parent gets the extra special muffin time without being in a rush. May the force be with you fellow mama.
She’s too cute! And I just love her blue pea coat! Could you share where it’s from? Thank you!
Awwwww what a sweet story. I have noticed a lot of pastries (with some envy) on your snapchat. What a great idea!
What a nice way to sneak some quality time into what used to be stress filled part of your day. Harlow looks like she really loves it, too. Congrats on finding such a spectacular (and delicious) way to have special time with your youngest.
The Daniel Tiger episode where they sing “grown ups come back” worked a small miracle in our house. It’s been 1.5yrs but we’ll still hum it to each other some mornings at dropoff.
This is really sweet! I love seeing your morning routine with the girls on Snapchat!
I absolutely love your snaps! I’ve tried each of the suggestions above, and while they each worked for a brief time, my 3.5 still cries on average twice a week at drop off. At this point, I’m ok with sticking around while she gets acclimated but I finally topped it 10 minutes (I know this is way too long for many). Anyway, do what works for you and Harlow; because I sure am doing what works for me and mine 🙂
I’ve had my fair share of rough goodbyes with my 4 yr old. And one really bad time, while I was pregnant with my youngest and very emotional. Her tears got to me, and I ended up crying too, in her classroom for 45 minutes. Talk about being embarrassed when I had to pick her up that afternoon. I hope you do a video of your goodbye ritual, it sounds so cute.
Last August my oldest started Preschool, leaving his brother completely distraught 2 days a week. I was a little sad too. We had been doing everything together as a threesome and Big guy had gotten all the spoils of being first born. He and I had 2.5 years together of special mommy and me time before number 2 arrived on the scene. Little guy and I started a secret donut date tradition to ease the transition. Since that time his independence and speech have come a long way. I love that I now have different special things with each of them. Enjoy your Harlow Muffin Mornings!
I, for one, love your morning muffins on snapchat! I can enjoy the pastries vicariously through Harlow! I think when she is older she will look back lovingly on this special time with mom!
Thank you for advice, Illana!
I have one graduating pre-school, and one starting next year!
The diaper days are over 🙁