A couple of weeks ago, I posted about Mazzy and Harlow’s new back-to-school clothes from Mini Boden. Which are so adorable, I can’t imagine they will ever look back at old photos of themselves and think— OH MY GOD, MOM!!!! HOW DID YOU LET ME LEAVE THE HOUSE LIKE THAT?
“I’m so embarrassed by my sequined Peter Pan color!”
“SUEDE BOOTS WITH DRESSES, MOM?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??”
“You let me accessorize with GOLD? So déclassé.”
But you never know, because back in Middle School, I thought socks pulled up over my jeans were the height of fashion, body suits were appropriate under overalls and sweaters could only be worn if they were big enough to reach my knees.
Here are 49 old school fashion rules from the ’80s and ’90s:
1. fanny packs were mandatory on field trips
2. your Top Gun bomber jacket should never be taken off
3. neon color blocking could only be complete with matching socks
4. Mr. T counted as a fashion statement
5. denim skirts fell below the knee
6. a mini boom box was the best accessory
7. Roller blades were an acceptable shoe substitute
8. t-shirts tucked into drawstring shorts were only slightly more on trend than floral overalls
9. gender neutral meant wearing a tie necklace
10. It was cool to rock matching crop tops
11. there was no difference between day outfits and pajamas
12. argyle meant you were somebody special
13. your denim game could make or break you
14. turtlenecks turtlenecks turtlenecks
15. brothers and sisters could go to the same barber
16. acid washed elastic jean shorts were the least of your problems
17. “saved by the bell” was your fashion inspiration
18. your prom dress had sleeves so puffy, it was hard to get through the doors of your gymnasium
19. neckties weren’t just for men
20. patches upped your outfit
21. zebra print pants paired perfectly with lion head t-shirts
22. your huge glasses could only be upstaged by your mushroom mullet
23. raggedy ann was a style choice
24. heathers was a way of life
25. tubes of paint made an awesome pattern
26. clothing could be embellished with puffy paint
27. suspenders were preferrable to belts
28. clashing with your friend’s floral pattern was a real concern
29. track suits had to be adidas (and telephones had to have a cord)
30. elastic should always be on the ankles of your favorite bugle boy jeans
31. a bow headband could be accentuated with a popped collar
32. a Tamagotchi safely secured around your neck was better than jewelry
33. the bigger the bow, the better
34. white blazers went nicely with a can of Aquanet
35. your outfit had to prove your commitment to new kids on the block
36. jam shorts were perfect attire at sea world
37. your floral vest could only be overshadowed by your dad’s porn ‘stache
38. your bangs were bigger than your blazer
39. scrunchis had to be directly on top of your head
40. your crimper got more use than your diffuser
41. necklaces should be two charms away from not being able to lift your head
42. bulky patterned sweaters weren’t worn ironically
43. snowsuits should be so big, you could barely move your arms and legs
44. you took all your fashion cues from Janet Jackson
45. sweaters were three dimensional
46. outfits revolved around your favorite hightops
47. “rock the Half up side pony” was your mission statement
48. floral could be worn in the form of a jumpsuit (even if it meant you needed help from an adult to go to the bathroom)
49. geometric patterns were the only way to make the cover of Teen Beat
Thanks to everyone who submitted photos of their favorite/most embarrassing outfits from when they were young!
Unfortunately, there could only be one winner, selected at random from all the submissions on facebook and instagram. That winner is….
saddle shoes paired well with strawberry shortcake
Congratulations! Your embarrassing school fashion just earned you a $500 Boden USA gift card to spend on yourself or your kids.
There were three runner-ups picked at random to receive a $50 Boden USA gift card. They are:
knee socks should be pulled up as much as possible
the only thing bigger than your buttons were your shoulder pads
denim shirts were practically dresses
Please contact firstname.lastname@example.org to claim your Boden USA gift cards.
If you didn’t win, you can still click on the graphic below to receive an automatic 15% off your entire Mini Boden purchase plus free shipping.
Hopefully, your sense of style has improved since the ’80s and ’90s but even if it hasn’t, you really can’t go wrong with anything on the Boden site. All their clothes are well-made and comfortable with classic looks that never go out of style.
CASE IN POINT:
And that’s coming from someone who wore a lavender Members Only Jacket once upon a time.
This post was sponsored by Mini Boden, but all horrible outfits are your own.