Some time after we had been married, I learned a very important fact about Mike. A fact so bizarre, I wasn’t sure I really knew the man I had married at all.
Mike had a perfect attendance record all throughout school.
We’re talking kindergarten, elementary school, junior high (back when it was called junior high) and high school. He was the kid that got an actual certificate at his high school graduation.
This seemed really weird to me at first, because Mike is not a straight A kind of guy. He’s a smart guy who cares just enough to do well, but doesn’t care too much. The perfect attendance thing didn’t seem to fit. But having been married to him for seven years, I now realize Mike’s the kind of person that thinks all injuries, illnesses and natural disasters are NO BIG DEAL.
Whenever other moms talk about the severity of their husbands’ man colds, I have no idea what they are talking about. Mike gets sick, does all the right things like goes to sleep early and drinks lots of fluids and then is better by the next day. This sucks because when I get sick and it lingers for weeks (as it tends to do), Mike has no sympathy because he thinks it’s because I don’t take care of myself.
Perfect Attendance Kid strikes again when deciding if Mazzy or Harlow are too sick to go to school. Mike’s verdict is always, “Nah! She’s fine!” even when I think they are clearly in need of a doctor. In our first few years of preschool, I would listen to him, thinking my maternal instinct was broken, only to have the nurse call to say Mazzy fell asleep at recess with a fever and send her home.
Then I have to remind myself— Oh, that’s right, you can’t listen to Mike about this kind of stuff because HE’S PERFECT ATTENDANCE KID. He’s been downplaying illness his whole life. HE HAS THE CERTIFICATE TO PROVE IT.
I’ve got my own issues back from when I was in school too.
I’m the girl who had a fear of missing out. I believe they call it FOMO, for short. I wanted to be present for every class birthday party, every field trip, every assembly— what if something super funny happened and I missed it? And then everyone was talking about the super funny thing for the next few weeks and I was out of the loop? I COULDN’T LET THAT HAPPEN!!!!
I’m finding experience the same fear whenever Mazzy might miss something.
Mike will suggest you go to the summer house for a weekend and I’ll say, “But we can’t go! Chelsea’s birthday party is that weekend!”
To which he’ll answer, “SO?”
Mike and I decided to take the kids skiing over President’s Day weekend, which means pulling Mazzy out of school Friday to make the drive. Yes, it’s weird that Perfect Attendance Kid (PAK) would let this happen, but I think PAK wants an extra day of skiing more than he wants to make sure his kid gets that graduation certificate. (But, if Mazzy decides she’s too sick to ski come Saturday, then Mike will have problems.)
Anyway, we were all set with our plan when I learned Friday is the 100th day of kindergarten. My heart sank like someone told me I was missing my own birthday. I went to talk Mike about cutting our trip a day shorter and Mike thought I had lost my mind.
“Mazzy can’t miss the 100th day of school! That’s a really big deal.”
“What do you mean? What’s the 100th day of school?”
“They’ve been leading up to it all year and they have an entire day of events planned. Mazzy brought in 100 pink hair bands for the occasion. She can’t miss it!”
“Are you serious? You want to miss a day of skiing for this?”
I tried my best to think of a way that Mazzy’s absence for this VERY IMPORTANT DAY wouldn’t be totally devastating (to me). I could not.
“She can’t miss it.” I repeated, hearing my twenty-year-old self deciding not to do a semester abroad in college because I didn’t want to lose all my friends while I was away. A decision I have always regretted.
The next day at school, I asked the teacher about the events of the 100th day, to gage the level of FOMO Mazzy (I) would experience. She had good news for me.
“Because of the snow day, the 100th day is pushed back to after President’s Day Weekend.”
“Really?! That’s awesome.” I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Mazzy wouldn’t miss anything after all.
The teacher continued, “The only thing she’ll miss is Valentine’s Day, but I’ll just save her cards for when she gets back.”
VALENTINE’S DAY????!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sadly, I realized I had to let it go.
On Friday, Mazzy will be missing her first Valentine’s Day with a card exchange in class. And she will be ruining any chance she had of getting a perfect attendance certificate at the end of her school career.
Hopefully, both her parents will survive.
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I used to freak out about these, but then realized our girls have just as much fun if not more doing activities with us. Your girls looked like they had SO MUCH fun during last year’s ski trip, I’m sure they’ll have better take away memories from the ski trip this year, especially because you’ll have pics to boot.
I feel both the humor of this and the genuine angst. I had (have?) major FOMO all my life. It should be a recognized mental condition. Added to the fact that I was raised by a bunch of perfect attendance people… We took our son out of school the day before Christmas break because it was $200 cheaper to fly that one day earlier. His teacher and principal basically had to hold my hand and tell me it would be ok. “He’s only 3, Ms. Gill”
Is there a support group for this?
Is FOMO a female majority disorder? I too don’t want my son to miss out on big days. He had to miss Wester Day at school, complete with pony rides. He wasn’t devastated, but I wanted that picture of him in his cowboy boots on the pony. My husband was all, “its ok, they do it every year….”
I’m already like this and my son hasn’t even started pre-school. I plan our calendar around his Stroller Strides play dates and little holiday parties. Who will remember this? No one. Who cares an abnormally large amount? This weirdo.
I have had FOMO all of my life and now I too pass it on to my daughter. I missed my 100th day of school, in kindergarten, and am still not over it. Damn chicken pox…
My husband was the prefect attendance kid too, EXCEPT for all the fun days. He would stay home from school on field trip days and ditch out on assemblies. How weird is that?! He said that if he wasn’t going to be learning anything then there was no point in being there. He is no way nerdy, just would rather be at home skateboarding. I still can’t believe that he wanted no part of the days that every other kid looked so forward too.
My pre-teen never asks to miss school either, except for the class Dec trip this year – she hates skating, that was the trip, so she asked me to not sign her permission form. I had no problems not sending her skating, but figured she would be stuck doing something boring around the school, which wasn’t really fair as who cares if she hates skating? So – I pulled her from school for the afternoon and took her to a salon to get highlights in for the first time!
When her teacher found out what we were doing, she asked if she could skip skating too! 😉
I didn’t do study abroad either my junior year – same reason. I still regret it. Funny post. Have a great time skiing can’t wait to read about it.
OMg. This is EXACTLY my husband and me! Except he didn’t get the certificate because he liked to surf instead of go to class on big surf days… BUT his “sick” days are a few hours of a day and then it’s over and I’m out of commission for a week! And I have MAJOR FOMO. It was the hardest thing to go back to work after maternity leave, and now whenever my husband wants to do something with just our son, I’m like, What if he does something and you don’t record it fast enough for me to see it?!?!? LOL!
I never thought of this but of course you’re totally right! My son finished up his first year of “big school” last year with 100% attendance and was totally thrilled to not miss a day. He has FOMO too – he’s a bit of a control freak – so I guess I gave him a hybrid of issues. Though I am also wondering is it just that my parents sent us to school unless we were covered in measles or that if he’s not that sick it’s easier not to have him home unexpectedly?!
I’m the same way and it never fails every time the school has some special day planned (rodeo day, duck dynasty day, 100th day, hunting day) yes we live in the country. Is when we are out of town for something and he misses it. It not only breaks my heart but he is very aware he is missing it and thinks it will still be going on when he goes back to school…always disappointed. He is only in PreK but it matters to both of us. I also am the mom that attends every class party because I don’t want to miss out. I still remember being totally devastated because I woke up with a stomach bug the morning my cousins got baptized 30 years ago and missed it. Don’t want to miss anything
I don’t think you’re crazy for worrying about what she’s missing. I still remember being really upset because I missed all three of my kindergarten field trips (the only field trips that year) because I got the chicken pox the night before the first one. I was upset whenever my friends talked about those trips for years! But on the other hand, Mazzy is missing a party to do something awesome with her family instead. A much better trade off than missing something because you’re sick. I bet she’ll be fine and love going on the ski trip. We all have to miss something some time.
Oh my gosh this is me!!! Major FOMO sufferer here!! My husband also thinks I am crazy. I had to fight off my own anxiety thinking of how I’d feel in your (Mazzy’s) position. But you will have a wonderful family weekend. I’m curious to hear how skiing goes. My husband and I were just talking about when would be a good age to take our kids.
I did the exact same thing in college for the exact same reason! I loved college so much, I didn’t want to go abroad and miss anything. And like you, I really, really regret it. Free three month month trip to Europe? Still kicking myself.
My son has a hockey tournament this weekend in northern Wisconsin (about 3.5 hours away), and my husband wants to leave around noon. My kids will miss their Valentine’s day celebrations too. I think they are okay with it, and my husband thinks it is great because they won’t be missing any real school. I must have FOMO because it is driving me crazy that they are going to miss the fun. Oh well, up north will be fun too.
my life’s greatest regret is exactly yours….not studying abroad because I didn’t want to lose my friends. I get so annoyed at myself thinking about that!
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