Let me start by saying I love this photo. I love seeing a picture of a mother breastfeeding in a totally different set of circumstances than my own. I love that she posted it on instagram as no big deal. And I am totally jealous of her hair and make-up team.
That being said, this photo paints a very different picture than what I imagine breastfeeding looked like when I nursed my two little girls at home. I'm sure it was beautiful. Just not quite as easy breezy.
Here are the top ten differences between what Gisele looks like breastfeeding her kid compared to what I looked like when I breastfed mine…
1. While Gisele's bathrobe looks virgin white, mine looks like I used it to wipe clean the bottom of my make-up drawer and then it got burned in a fire.
2. While Gisele looks completely topless under there, all my instagram followers would get a big eyeful of my stretched out overused nursing bra.
3. Not only would my baby have yanked that chain straight off my neck, the necklace would sit in a bowl by my front door, waiting for me to take it to the jeweler to get fixed for the next three to five years.
4. My hair stylist usually doesn't start working on my hair until after I'm done feeding the kids. And by "hair stylist" I mean me and my trusty ponytail holder.
5. Speaking of hair, why is there so much on her head? Shouldn't half of it be in the drain?
6. If I had my nails done while breastfeeding, they would be immediately destroyed the second I used my hands to prop up the baby, resash my robe, reattach my nursing bra or who the hell knows. I just know a minute later, I'd be thinking "DAMNIT!!!! WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER???"
7. If I had one person curling my hair, one person outlining my eyes, one person painting my nails, all while a baby gnawed on my left breast, my expression would look closer to "Oh no. What if I have to pee…?" rather than the look of ecstasy you see here.
8. Where's Gisele's phone? How can you nurse a baby while simultanelously reading blogs about how tough nursing a baby is when you are not holding your phone?
9. Pretty sure Gisele's just taken a shower while I would be praying I have enough time to wipe my armpits with a wash cloth before heading off to work.
10. After breastfeeding, Gisele will have her make-up, hair, and nails complete. I'll look the same as when I started. Unless my baby choses that moment to upchuck her lunch in my hair. Then I'll look even worse.
Follow Gisele on instagram at @giseleofficial.
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