Earlier this month, Well Rounded NY came over my apartment to document a working mom's morning. Then they profiled me on their site along with my morning timeline, complete with photos.
The photos are truly beautiful.
So beautiful, that when I posted about the feature on my facebook page, a lot of people said (politely and respectfully) that I was painting an unrealistic picture of what a working mom's morning actually looks like.
For example:
"I mean no offense, but I think your life is not typical of a working mom. I get up at 5:30am. My daughters get up at 6. By 8 they are at school and daycare and I and my husband are at work… I am not sure [leaving for work at 9am] is representative of the majority of working moms." -Amanda
That's fair. I think my morning is typical of a working mom from NYC. What we lack in square footage, we make up for with our lack of commute.
"Is your house always that neat or was that a photo-cleaning day? My house looks like the Toys-R-Us elves threw up in every corner and the laundry fairy forgot her shift." -Heather
The piles of crap littering my apartment appear to be artfully cropped out. And yes, I cleaned up before the photographer came over. Wouldn't everybody?
"I only have one kid, but in the morning you will find me in a bathrobe making coffee with paper towel handmade filters, because we forgot to buy real ones AGAIN. My daughter in her underpants checking out her butt in the mirror and then running away giggling. My husband, half awake, mixing half and half and water in our cereal because (you guessed it) we forgot to buy the milk…AGAIN. Your pictures are what I WANT my life to look like." -Ilona
Honestly, if I saw my pictures, I would feel the same way. The pictures don't reflect what I think my life looks like either.
Here's the thing. When Well Rounded NY told me they were sending over Raquel Bianca to document my morning, I was really nervous about it. In my mind, my mornings are not beautiful. They are hectic and stressful and very often unpleasant.
The kids wake us up too early, my husband and I pawn off the kids on eachother as we negotiate who gets to take a shower, Mazzy screams for unacceptable breakfast foods, Harlow cries for someone to hold her, and I snap at someone at least twice.
Did I mention the hair brushing tantrums? BECAUSE THEY HAPPEN EVERY MORNING.
Besides the fact that I had everyone dressed and ready for the photographer when she came over (as I think most people would), the morning went pretty much as always.
Mazzy climbed all over us, argued over her shoe options, threw a soccer ball at my face, begged for dessert at breakfast and ripped toys away from Harlow. Harlow pooped, squirmed out of my grasp during a diaper change and cried every time I tried to put her down to check my email.
Yes, I know, I am lucky to have a nice apartment, two cute kids, a decent looking husband and a nanny who relieves the stress of dropping kids off at daycare. But I was convinced these candid photos would come out horribly, proving once and for all that I have no idea what I'm doing.
Raquel insisted they would be beautiful. I thought Raquel was full of shit.
When she finally sent me the photos, I was shocked. I looked through them over and over again. I showed them to anyone who would look. I realize now that I am so proud of them because they reveal something about my mornings I did not know.
They are, in fact, beautiful.
Whatever chaos is going on in my home or in my head is not reflected in a still shot. You can't hear whining kids or impatient parents. It's almost like putting an opera song over a car chase. Everything slows down and you see things completely different.
Then I started thinking— it's probably not just me. I bet most moms have mornings that are beautiful. They've just never had someone come over to document so they can see them in that light.
So. Today, I'm announcing a photo project— a collaboration with Raquel Bianca, the photographer who took these pictures.
We are willing to bet that we can select three moms at random (having no idea what your home or your family looks like), come over to photograph your morning, and then surprise you with its beauty.
If you are interested (and live in or around NYC), please leave a comment below describing your morning with your general location.
We are going to photograph four moms total. The fourth mom will be Ilona (who happens to hail from Queens), who left the comment below:
"I know it's hard to show the 'grey' moments. God knows, nobody wants to pick up the camera when the baby is screaming for an hour. With that said, there is 5% of women in the world that can relate to your photos. The rest might be thinking 'What the fuck am I doing wrong?' I just wish the visual expectations were not so high."
Raquel and I would like to prove that JUST MAYBE— it's not the visual expectation that is set too high, but instead, the self-visualization that is way too low.
That's the goal, anyway.
UPDATE: Congrats to our winners— Ilona from Queens, J from Brooklyn, Annie from Maplewood NJ, Teresa from the Upper West Side and Borami from Hoboken. Look for an email from me shortly!
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Thank you to WellRounded NY for writing such a glowing profile. For more photos and to read the full feature, click here. Thank you to Raquel Bianca— your photos are a gift.
To join the Mommy Shorts facebook page, click here.
Gah – there is always someone out there that needs to complain! I don’t care what they say, the photos are beautiful and just a ‘snapshot’ into your daily life! Even when we get our yearly photos taken at home ‘doing normal stuff’, it’s always chaos! But when we get the photos, it’s unbelievable the beauty the photographer has been able to capture! I guess that’s why they make a living out of it… to find the beauty in every day moments! I soooo wished I live in or near NYC to enter…!
PS – regarding Amanda’s comment and leaving for work…. I don’t live in NYC, I DO leave for daycare at 8:50am (for a 9am drop off), AND then have a 30min commute to work. So I guess it really depends on your job, company, and boss in terms of flexibility!
Not in the NYC area, but I love this post. There are so many moments parenting that feel crazy and stressful when you are in them, but I bet they are beautiful when seen in still moments, or from the outside. A great perspective to have.
Wow! They are beautiful. I’m not even in the right continent (though if your photographer needs to sell the idea over here in London she should look us up!) but you are so right about the beauty of a moment and appreciating the little things as snapshots, especially as the time flies by too quickly. Other people always see the great bits we miss too. This is a great reminder to take time to look as if from outside sometimes – I like it.
With photos I do think the lack of soundtrack helps!!! We have some gorgeous picks of our kids looking “wistful” when they were in fact complaining. Hopefully I will forget the whinge that accompanied them when I look back in years to come – you certainly can’t tell from looking!
I would love to be a part of this! I live in Mastic, on Long Island, probably almost 2 hours outside of NYC (closer to Quogue actually:). I NEED to see the beauty in my mornings. I have a 4 month old son and a 4 year old daughter. I returned to work from my maternity about a month ago and as you can imagine, my mornings can get hectic. My morning usually starts at about 4:45am and we leave around 7am. Most mornings, my husband is already at work by the time the kids even get up. I would love to see how it looks from the outside, because it certainly doesn’t feel beautiful from the inside on most days!
i agree that the pictures are beautiful. i have heard that NYC work hours are different then most people. i live within walking distance of work, and i have to be at work by 8, which means dropping off (walking) kid to daycare by 745. maybe that is the difference, work hour flexibility.
i will be excited to see the other mom’s pictures! great project/giveaway!
What a great idea! I love when we can throw some positivity back at the negativity out there! Maybe it will help people stop and slow down and appreciate the small moments of their morning. I love the little moments of sweetness that occur in the hustle and bustle of life with my kids. I stay home with them and it is often hard to cherish those moments because I am with them 24/7, but it is those moments that make everything worth it!
I’d love to see the beauty in the morning. These days I feel like it’s a balancing act that is about to fall apart quickly. I live in South Jersey. Is that in the NYC area enough? I hope so.
I LOVE love love this post, the pictures and this contest! Mornings are hectic. Period. But Raquel is BEYOND talented and can make ANYTHING look beautiful!! I’m so glad you had the chance to work with her. And sorry to hear about all of the negative feed back you’ve been receiving lately. Kinda sad. For the record…my house IS clean ALL the time b/c I’m OCD. I clean up kids toys about 46 times a day. It’s crazy, I know. But I do it. So in the mornings…my home is actually spotless. I wouldn’t be able to wake up any other way. xx LMP.
love!
Love this. Send Raquel’s camera over to my 725-sq-foot NYC apt and show your readers how a family living in a converted 1BR do it each morning!!
And if there’s any takeaway, it’s that I need to start wearing pops of yellow in family photos!! Was that a photographer’s tip?
Totally agree that the still-shot cannot truly capture what was going on but come on, the photographer wouldn’t have been doing a very good job if she made your morning look like the chaos that it feels like. Great lighting, angles, and telling a story are what this wonderful photographer did. I love the photos. Plus when our kids are grown and we’ve got mom-memory loss, this is how we’re going to remember mornings anyways ;). I can’t wait to see the photos of other real moms’ mornings, especially Ilona’s!!!
I have a 15 minute commute door-to-door plus I work in an industry where no one is in the office at 9am. I also work as a freelancer so if I am late, I just don’t charge for that time. It works for me!
My favorite photo of my sister and me when we were kids is us running along the beach hand-in-hand laughing. In actuality, we had both just been bitten by tiny jellyfish around our ankles and were running away screaming. My dad snapped the shot and it lives on as a “happy memory”. No one who looked at it would know we were really crying from pain.
I live in North Dakota, but I wish you could photograph my morning!! Either way, this was a beautiful blog post that made my eyes water… I am CONSTANTLY in need of reminders that MY life, MY children, MY home, MY mornings, MY chaos, MY messes, are beautiful. Because sometimes it is hard to remember that through sticky fingers, dirty faces, messy kitchen, unswept floors, and sweatpants… Thank you for being my reminder today. Oh, and I am a stay at home of three, and nanny to two additional toddlers. And I homeschool. BUT, my mornings are not any different than a mom who works out of the home!!
I’d love to participate. I’m on the upper west side. I work 3 days/wk and am home with my 2 boys (2 yrs old and 4 mos old) the other two days – not gonna lie, the days I go to work are SO much easier – I can hand the kids over to my nanny and get ready for work like a semi-normal human being (minus being sneezed on with a mouth full of oatmeal when i’m just about ready to leave for work). On the days I don’t work, I don’t have any help – I think my husband intentionally leaves as early as possible those days and I am always unshowered and frequently feeding a bottle with one hand and cereal with the other, no hands left for coffee!
I work nights on Long Island and come home to four very awake kids. Sometimes I have no idea what I’m walking into! Our mornings can be a little crazy (and by little I mean very!) Might offer a different perspective!
Melody, pediatric nurse from Lindenhurst NY
I don’t fault the people for their comments. I think it brought up an interesting discussion. I have two friends who are both working moms in NYC who made similar comments to me privately. I think since I put myself out there in a very honest way, it was weird to see me looking like everything was perfectly under control. Hopefully, the project will show that I am not special. We all would look beautiful with a photographer who knows the moments to capture.
Love this idea! I am a photographer in California and would love to take on a project like this! Can’t wait to see the results!!!
Is Richmond, VA close enough to NYC? 🙂 Would love to see the beauty in our chaotic, zombie-like mornings.
Ilana! The photos are beautiful and your words are spot on! What a gift these photos will be for years to come!
Is Maplewood too far? (please say no!)
In case we are close enough, our current mornings are complete insanity, as we are in the midst of a home remodeling in a home we just purchased. Nothing is unpacked and I haven’t had a functioning kitchen for the 1.5 months we have lived here. We HAVE completed our bedroom and our boys bedroom and should have the kitchen done by next week. The boys come into our room around 6:30 or 7 and cuddle (referred to as ‘Love Fest’), I help get them dressed while my husband gets ready for work. Usually we then have breakfast together, but with no kitchen the boys and I have been scavenging (for yogurt and muffins, not wild nuts and berries) and my husband has been taking advantage of the free breakfast at work. (He still works in the city where the perks are vast and lovely.)
Oh, and I am 32 weeks pregnant.
Yes, I would LOVE to see the beauty in our mornings!
*fingers crossed*
God I wish she was traveling for this event. My house would be perfect to capture to give the other moms some relief. My boyfriend doesn’t nudge from the bed until around 8am because he has to be at work at 8:30am, me on the other hand, I juggle getting myself and my son ready while tending to three needy cats at 6am.
But I totally agree with you. Anyone would have picked up the house and have their kids decent by the time a PHOTOGRAPHER came over. I know I would have.
Well the good thing about photographs is that they have no sound – so nobody would hear me saying the “F” word all morning:)
Also – I think if you came to my house you might find that we end up with a lot of pictures of me running up and down the stairs trying to wake up my boys…
Would love this! I live in Connecticut…it’s a bit of a drive but it’s lovely in the fall!!!!
Your photos do really look amazing! I dont complain about my mornings but there is usually no time to sit and play for a while, and definitly no starting work at 9am. I live in Brooklyn and work in Queens, so my commute is kind of horribe, I usually drop my daugther at daycare aroun 7:30-7:45am and have to be at work at 8am but that never happens. My daugther finds something everday that would make me go back to the apartment, is either a dirty diaper, a toy in her hands she is not supposed to take to daycare or the clothes she decided to get dirty with PB&J. So yes! I would love to see the beauty on those things and how my mornings are beautiful besides all.
This reminds me of the little blurb that goes around Facebook every so often. To paraphrase, we continually compare our lives to everybody else’s highlight reels. These photos don’t show the shoe that was just thrown across the room; they show the moment that she let you tie it. You can’t hear the howl when a tangled got caught while brushing her hair; you see that moment when something else catches her eye and lets you brush that final stroke. Your house is much neater than mine, but I would pick up too if there was a photographer on the way. I think it’s great that you’re going to have other moms documented as well. I wish I lived close enough, but I like Kentucky.
I feel very privileged and humbled to participate in this. When my husband asked me yesterday “so, you really going to just wake up and let someone photograph us?. and I said “yes, no make up, no set ups…bring it on”. 🙂 I love it.
I am about to start a new routine getting my four year old and four month old to daycare each morning, wrangling them both by myself (my husband leaves at 7am). I’ve been stressing about it all summer! We live 30 min outside NYC in NJ and while I know the time with my girls is always precious, seeing the actual beauty in it would definitely be great!
Is Woodbridge va close enough? I have quite the challenge. My kids are 3, 2, and 1 years old! My mornings are hectic to say the least 🙂
We live on the UWS of Manhattan and we would love to enter! I’m 7-months pregnant with a 12-month old and 2 unruly French bulldogs. Oh, and a husband too. Please pick us!
I would love this . We live in western suffolk county on long island. We have a nine month old baby girl. I teach in a high school and leave around 6 am to drop my daughter off . I hate having to wake her up in the mornings to get ready – it kills me. Mornings are crazy with the 3 of us getting ready at the same time! Would love to see it in a different light
I love that you are doing this. I am not in NYC and so I can’t participate, but I am interested to see if people are pleasantly surprised with how the photos capture their mornings. Very nice give-away.
I’d be down for early morning photos! We live in Brooklyn (Boerum Hill) with our 2 year old. I loved the photos.
I live in California, so obviously my morning is not going to work out for this. But I did want to say I enjoyed this post very much. I am a stay at home mom, but that doesn’t mean that my mornings aren’t crazy. I get up at 7, get my 9 year old son in the shower by 7:15; 7:30 greet my friend as he drops his son off for me to watch during the day while asking my 4 year old daughter to get breakfast or get dressed. My 8 year old daughter usually gets dressed pretty fast and then is off to make breakfast. My 9 year old is now dressed and asking what he should have for breakfast…we have cereal. It is the same every day. The girls find something to fight about…again. 8am and the 8 year old is still eating breakfast. I think she is going for a slow record! The 4 year old still hasn’t eaten anything and isn’t dressed. We are leaving in 15 minutes! Somehow my 9 year old has eaten breakfast and is totally ready to go, but is now bugging me every 5 seconds to watch a video on the computer, play on my iPod, play on my iPhone, or something! This is just a snapshot, but I think I got the main points in there!
Somehow we usually leave the house on time. Though, it is 8:15 right now, and we are still a few minutes from leaving. We walk to school, rain or shine… The rainy days are even more fun because we have to find all the rain gear that rarely gets used. (Because it never rains in California, right? LOL) Anyways, maybe I will try to step back out of the chaos and try to find the beauty in our mornings. We might all feel a little less stressed and rushed. Thank you!
I love this! I think that regardless of how many kids we have, how far we commute, or what we do, most moms think of their mornings as a nightmare! My oldest is 12 and our mornings are crazy with getting ready for school on time and there are days we both walk out in tears but when my son came along a few months ago he reminded us of just how beautiful a new day is… Especially the morning smiles and giggles. Sometimes we have to slow down a little and look at the big picture. We have to thank God for giving us another morning, another beautifully hectic and crazy morning!
What a lovely idea. I live in Central PA so that’s probably too far, but I wanted to applaud this.
LOL I always try to take pictures of my 4 year old when she’s having a tantrum, for revenge when she’s older. BUT the pics always look like she’s lying on the floor looking at me in deep thought. HAHAHA But in reality, she’s screaming at me and spitting and probably just threw something at my feet.
I live in Canada(west) and wish so badly someone could come and show me how beautiful my mornings are. I probably wouldn’t put pants on until we leave though. Because that’s not my reality. 🙂
I love this! There are beautiful moments among the chaos. I’m busy getting 3 kids dressed and off to school. The baby’s diaper always needs a change, breakfast and final lunch packing. I’m grateful for the babysitter who helps in the morning rush. My husband is already on his way to the city! I take the train after my carpool run. I live 20 minutes west of the city, yes New Jersey! I’d love to slow my mornings down to catch their real beauty.
I really try to find the beauty in mornings – and the times I manage to make lunches and pack snacks the night before go so much more prettily. I’m sure there is visual beauty to be found in our hectic mornings, but if the sound were to be included…harsh reality would show threw. That said, there are “I love yous” in there, too.
oh for crap’s sake. I even edited the typo “throw” to “threw” but I meant “through.” SEE? If you could hear the shriek I let out when that comment was published, you’d know harsh reality.
ACK!
I LOVE THIS IDEA!!
I am not a working mom, I am the stay-at-homingest mom I know, but I think every mom needs to slow down and see life as more beautiful, especially herself. I can’t wait to see the results!!!
Amen. 🙂
We do need to slow down. I know I do.
I love this as well. Too bad you’re not doing this in DC! (hint, hint to any DC photogs) I’ve got a 4.5 year old son who is on teenager time, a morning person boyfriend who listens to sports radio, and myself, who doesn’t function until coffee has been uploaded. Luckily our mornings aren’t that hectic any longer now that Sports Radio has moved in and we have a beautiful place big enough for all 3 of us, but before he was around, it was ugly. Less than 500sq ft, 45min commute to school and work, sleeping too late and eating breakfast in the car, ugly. There were multiple mornings when I would sob in the car after school drop-off (which usually involved screaming) because of the ugliness and stress.
Sometimes finding beauty can be difficult, but all those awful mornings do make me appreciate those fleeting beautiful moments even more.
I think I’d probably be the only mom whose mornings consist of sleeping in for the most part because some days me and my three kids don’t wake up until 11 AM…sometimes even 12 and we end up skipping breakfast and going straight to lunch or rather having brunch. The many perks of working from home and homeschooling 3 kids…but if you want to see chaos then those would be my nights when the moon is full and the crazies come out; there’s finishing lessons, getting dinner ready, baths, dishes, and the occasional exorcism.
Ok first rule me out since I live in Chicago, but I had a fantastic morning despite a series of unfortunate events.
I woke up to the smell of poop, a cat had pooped in a pile of laundry and I had to hunt down where it came from. I cleaned that up. Got sick (due to morning sickness, maybe exacerbated by the cat.) I realized that since the incident there was absolutely no way I would get my son to school in time for breakfast. I made him breakfast and then woke him up. He peed the bed, more laundry. I gave him a mini shower, got him dressed and sat him down for breakfast.
At breakfast, all the chaos stopped and we sat and had a little talk about food and school. I soaked it all in and enjoyed the moment. There was no more stress for those few minutes. It was a beautiful moment that we shared.
Mayhem! Laughter! Singing! Poop.
Is Boston considered close to NYC?
Oh yes… that was my point – countering Amanda’s comment and siding with your situation. I work in telecom (design products that drive mobile networks) and since my team is spread throughout the world, getting into the office is not a demand of the job. Being in per-arranged meeting is and those meetings are 99% of the time a conference call across multiple time zones – so I can even take the call on my jammies if need be!
This brought tears to my eyes. It’s honest and insecure and beautiful all at the same time. I really respect you. Your posts are real and I like that. Love the contest idea, too.
I’m up in Orange County, NY – about an hour outside NYC. With a 12 yr old and a 3 yr old, mornings can be crazy. When school’s in session, the calling to get up starts at 6am. My 12 yr old has to be at the bus stop by 7am. Somehow she makes it 99% of the time, even with lying in bed until 6:40. Then the battle with the 3yr old begins. There’s always a fight and tears (sometimes they’re even mine!), whether it’s about breakfast choice, can’t find the blankie, or what to wear. I’m snapping at some point in the AM. My husband works a late shift and I try to keep us all quiet so he can sleep, but that doesn’t always happen. My goal is to be out the door by 8-8:15am to drive 45 minutes to daycare and work (the day care is 1 mile from my office), but most of the time it’s 9am before I’m backing out of the driveway. I try not to stress out and prep the night before, but it’s always something that hangs us up. That something is usually packaged in a cutie face 3 yr old with the attitude of a teenager.
Ok I would do it! But do me last so I can completely renovate our “well-loved” (i.e. heavily stained and shabby) home before you come over. My kids are older – 1st and 2nd grade!!!! – our mornings are now centered around getting them ready for elementary school, lunches packed and myself ready for a commute – pretty much an hour to the City. Sometimes I drive car pool, sometimes we walk nearly a mile to the school and sometimes I leave before they even wake up – and then my husband handles. It all depends on the day. Glen Ridge, NJ
I live in Maryland – close enough?? Either way – the photos are beautiful and does make me think about the beauty in the simple things. SO hard to remember to breath when you’ve got a pantsless kid running away from you, the dog pacing around because its going to poop its fur, and you need to be out the door in 5.
Love the post! It’s those little moments that you need to slow down and look around and think this is beautiful!! Is DC to far? 😉
Living 20 min outside of the City in Passaic County. I have 2 year old boy/girl twins and a 4 month old son. My husband and I both work full time and get them ready to leave the house at 7am. Some mornings are definitely not as pretty as others, especially with less sleep, like when the baby has been up 12 times the night before and one or more two year olds have fallen out of their beds or discovered that their favorite sleep animal has scooted 1/2″ from where they left it. This looks like a fun project.
What a generous response this is to the criticism/complaints. You’re a lovely person.
My daughter was the subject of a family magazine article years ago (“living through/after traumatic brain injury” or whatnot) and I freaked out when they needed a photographer to come to our apartment. We’d just moved in, there were boxes everywhere. My stepmother (an early riser, I am not) came over and dressed my then-toddler in the most elaborate way imaginable, 6-in. hair bows, you name it. The photographer took a few shots, “ran out of film” then asked if she could come back in a few days.
She showed up the very next morning. My daughter and I were still in our pajamas, the hair bows were gone, and the shots that ran alongside the article were a happy toddler eating breakfast cereal and playing with moving boxes. Those were my favorite photos for years.
They are lovely photos indeed.
I think any moments that are captured bathed in soft morning light are going to exude a much more idyllic vibe than what the actual reality may be – that’s part of a photographer’s job, right? Lucky you to have such beautiful shots to look back on. x
I would love to be a part of this!! We are in trumbull, ct- about 1 he outside of NYC! Please pick us!!!!! 🙂
Love this idea. I know our mornings are not as crazy as some, but I would love to see it from an outsiders point of view. NYC alphabet city 750 square feet of crazy. One baby 10 months. @ parents working full time on a regular 9-5 schedule.
This is such an amazing project. Lord knows I need reminding MUCH of the time how lucky I am to have the craziness that I do. Too bad I live in Oklahoma!
I think there’s a lot to say for natural light! Anyone looks great when they’re well lit.
My morning is usually somewhat mellow as I’m a stay at home mom and we’re not rushing out the door. A lot of reading and loooong breakfasts. But, hey, I’d still love some beautiful pictures!
Can’t wait to see the results! 🙂
It’s not my mornings but my late afternoons that are (potentially) beautiful– I work 3 nights/week as a labor and delivery nurse so our crunch time is 4-6pm as I’m trying to make dinner, keep the kids happy, pack for daycare the next morning, have my husband arrive home, and all eat dinner together before I head out to work. Oh and get myself ready too (shower, pack food, try to look presentable). I have two little girls, 8 months and 3 yrs, and we live in Cranford, NJ.
I live in LA and am a working mom with a demanding job (lawyer) and a husband who is currently looking for work and also doing random freelance gigs which often require him to also be working 12-16 hours days. My commute is 30-45 minutes and my husbands varies so we kinda never know what the morning will look like.
We have two daughters – one (E) is almost 4 and one (V) is 14 mos – and our mornings are CHAOS on steroids.
Up at 6am (hopefully before the kids – but you never know), scrambling to get ourselves ready. V wakes up and wants to nurse, then wants to be held basically all morning so we hand off back and forth while trying to eat/dress/feed all four of us. Screaming is involved. E decides “I DONT WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL” and plops on the floor, arms crossed. Coercing happens. Promises are made, and clothes are put on — eventually. We try to scramble out the door by 8, depending on who is taking who to school and who has to be where when. There is no order to this situation, which makes it all the more difficult.
I usually find myself at my desk by 9, and there is usually food in my hair or diaper cream on my clothes.
Oh, I would love to document our mornings! I’m a consultant for the banking industry and have no idea how I’m going to keep my clients and my baby happy all at once! I’m going back to work on Sept 4 now that my maternity leave is ending. I know that our mornings will be quite hectic with a 95 lb doberman who needs a walk. a three month old who needs a good calm nursing session and a hubby who can’t resist a little baby talk in the morning. We live in Leonia, NJ – just a hop, skip and jump over the GWB.
I’m in Bergen County, NJ, not far from NYC. I’m also a freelancer. I think a lot of people who don’t live in the area don’t realize that many companies in NYC don’t open doors until 9am work until 5pm depending on job sector and position held. I have family members who work in NYC and live in Manhattan. Some of them walk to work and drop off the kids on the way. So their lifestyle is much like yours. Being in Bergen County I drive to drop off my kids, but I don’t need to be at the client office until 9am either, so I usually leave the house at 840am to drop the kids to daycare and then go down the street to my client. Mornings for us… I wake at 7am and the kids are up at 8am b/c my kids aren’t on the same schedule as other kids. My kids don’t sleep at 7pm every day. In any event, I’m also a photographer and from the photographer’s perspective, everyone has a beautiful family and morning. We simply don’t step out of the moment to realize this. I think people were expecting to see photos of screaming and crying kids and kids 1/2 dressed. But the fact of the matter is, anyone who is expecting a photographer to drop by would have done what you did – gotten the kids dressed and ready for the shoot. The photos are gorgeous as are your home and children. Be proud of it all. And the photography project is wonderful. Not very many people think about hiring a professional photographer to document a day in their lives. So many just head to JCP to do in studio photos and those truly aren’t a representation of what our lives as working moms are.
I think these are wonderful, and I think it’s really nice that you are doing this for other moms who wonder about their mornings. I am fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom to my 4 year old, so I know that mornings are a whole different ballgame. Yes, we have to get ready for kindergarten each day, but we can do it on our own terms. Good luck to the moms who are chosen. Are you going to show their pics, if they allow it?
A really good photographer is able to find the beauty in any day to day moment, which I’m willing to bet is precisely what happened here.
I live in Battery Park City, with my 21 month old daughter, my husband and my 2 dogs. Mornings are insane as Abby is up at 7am and we are out the door at 8am to get her to daycare before my husband I then head to work together… yes, we work together, I am technically his boss so that’s fun 🙂 My husband is a great father, very involved, but it never fails that despite my ability to take care of our daughter effortlessly when I’m one on one with her, he can’t seem to do the most simple tasks (like feeding her or dressing himself while watching her) without calling out to me to help when I’m there. So, often, with one eye partially mascaraed, I will stop my task at hand to hand him a towel so he can wipe off Abby’s face at the breakfast table, or keep an eye on her while he runs and gets a shirt for work. If either one of us forgets to close the bathroom door behind us Abby’s eyes go wide and she begins the task of taking everything out from under the sink and then leaving it there. Granted, it’s all extremely cute, and we love all she does, but I definitely don’t remember sweating so much during my mornings getting ready before Abby was born???
OK – I cried a little at this post! I’d like to say I either got the message or its pregnancy hormones…lol. Maybe – just maybe I will remember this and be more patient when trying to get my 2YO son out the door tomorrow am before work. I have been struggling with the thoughts of how the hell I am going to do this with 2 kids – but I see I just will – thanks Ilana
Okay, so throwing my comment in the ring 🙂 I work from home, and have just launched my own/first business. I’m up, get the kids up, morning milkies for them and coffee for me, snuggle on the couch and then things usually go south. My son demands breakfast to the tune of “HEY?! Where are my cheerios?!!” and my daughter refuses it. “sigh. I’m just not hungry, mom.” Then begins The Game of Clothes. She wants him to get dressed first, he wants her to get dressed first. This morning it’s Him. He wants to be dressed on the couch. He wants me to pick out his clothes. I agree. I pick them out. As soon as I return with them, he jumps up and runs away from me to the other end of the couch…laughing. “come on, buddy, let’s get dressed now” – “HAHA, nooooooooooooo!” and my panic button goes off bc it’s turned into a frown and whine face. “look what I picked out for you!” “NO. I don’t like that shirt.” “okay, go pick another one out.” “NO. YOU.” This goes on for some time until potentially he’s melted down and/or I give up and turn my attention to HER. She’s older and she knows that I haven’t actually dressed him so technically it’s NOT her turn yet. I’m not ashamed to say, I bed. “please, honey, he needs to calm down and we all need to get going.” She has pity on me. After a few shoes changes, and fixing the placement of her pony tail 3x “not, there. THERE!” She is dressed and begins to chase undressed brother around the house. This distracts him and he doesn’t even know I’m changing his clothes. Clock check. Yup, supposed to have left 5 minutes ago. Run to fridge, no lunch boxes. We both forgot. Leftover noodles, juice box, carrot sticks, cheese sticks. Done! throw those in the back packs and let’s go! aaand, I’m in my jammies. Pull back hair in to ponytail, throw in jeans and a tee. Glance in mirror, run fingers under eyes. Good enough. Let’s go! Not so fast, mama! he wants to be carried downstairs and she forgot something in her room. Two trips to the car and she’s gracefully, ala Ms Universe, coming down the stairs. Step. By. Step. He’s now gotten out of the car and has found some dirt to play in or puddle to jump in. Well if he can, she can! let’s go, let’s go!! I pick up children to windmill their arms and legs in the direction of their new attention. In. Buckled. GO. School started 2 minutes ago. Adrenaline pumping, nail biting, I brace myself for THE LOOK. The late pass woman knows me too well. Dropping Him off, we’re there too late, no adjustment time and he clings to me like a life raft. 20 minutes there. I’ve started my day an hour late. I haven’t eaten, showered or brushed my teeth. Sadly, this IS 75% of the time. you’d think I’d do myself a favor now and again…make sure bags are packed, get up and shower first, etc. I guess I’m into self sabotage! 😉 That said, there are the little moments. Kissing my son’s belly as I dress him is one of them. When he stands in front of me it’s right in my eye line. Smelling my daughter’s hair as I brush it and kissing her cheeks as she proudly looks at herself in the mirror. Morning hugs as they cling to me when they first wake, “hi, mama.” I really appreciated this post. Yes, there are so many beautiful moments to the morning. Maybe I’ll put on opera during our car chase of a morning tomorrow! 🙂
I don’t live in or around NYC, but I’m still glad you’re doing this, Ilana. Mainly because I also read that profile and saw those pictures and thought to myself, “This is not real life.” And then I got a little indignant. Irrationally indignant – because why should I compare my life to yours? – but indignant all the same. The profile and pictures, while both lovely, just did not make you seem very relatable. And so having “known” and read you since you were small potatoes, and knowing that your goal with Mommy Shorts has always been to be a humorous and relatable voice for the average mom, I admit it… I got indignant. Can you tell I was indignant?
Like the first comment you featured, I’m also up at 5:45 and out the door by 7:30 to drop my daughter off at daycare and get to work by 8am. And my husband leaves for work at 6am, meaning I single mom the entire morning routine. And honestly, it used to drive me crazy. There have been fights and tantrums and stress galore as I’ve attempted to navigate mornings with V over the years. But now that she’s older, our routine has become a pretty well-oiled machine. I won’t be able to have Raquel take my picture, but that’s okay – just last week, V came downstairs a little groggy and climbed up in my lap while I ate breakfast. And so I finished my waffles and played Words With Friends snuggled up to her with her head laying on my chest. I think that’s when I first realized the beauty in my own mornings. And I’ve seen it several times since.
Whoops! Meant to add that, for that reason, I’m glad you’re giving other moms the chance to see what they maybe don’t (or can’t) see in their own morning routines. That’s really nice. And it’s also proof that you haven’t lost your humility to your success.
I love the idea of this project. I look forward to seeing the beauty in other moms’ lives. I think you’re right. Our lives tend to feel very different than how they look from the outside. I’m often shocked by friends comments that “I’m so organized.” Ha! I aspire to be organized, but my own perception is that I fail miserably. Can’t wait to see the pictures that result from this project.
Live in Albany, NY and would be interested on what an outside eye thought of my 3 1/2 year old and 15 month old, my husband and me getting ready in am. Your post does make sense it usually appears better from the outside looking in! Going to think about this tomorrow while getting ready.
I’d love to participate if chosen 🙂 I’m a fan of your blog and loved this post in particular. As a lot of other moms have already said, the pictures are beautiful and made me reconsider how I view my own hectic mornings. My husband, 14 month old son, and I live in the Bronx, right outside of Manhattan. My mom lovingly takes care of the baby while we commute and work 9-6, M-F.
I have a 21 month old diva.. I work three days a week.. Two of them end at 8:30 pm… The mornings involve negotiating getting dressed and clothing options, Olivia always demanding to wear my bra.. Olivia spending at least ten minutes standing in the tub obsessing over the new Elmo bath mat. Then I try to make coffee and a variety of breakfast option for my very picky girl.. All while trying to convince her it’s ok for me to put her down… Then I chase her around our apartment trying to do her hair ( and that’s on days that she wants her hair done).
I live in Queens and love your blog and fb page!
I looked at the pictures and read about your morning and thought (with jealousy), “HMMPH… Yeah, right.” Just thinking about my frazzled mornings with my 19 month old daughter can sometimes produce hives. However, I think you are right in that there is beauty there, if we choose to look for it. Before the screaming when I fixed my daughter’s hair this morning, were a few minutes of bliss – the radio blaring CCR and the two of us laughing and dancing in the bathroom while I got ready for work. Thanks for helping me find the beauty in my chaos.
I loved your photos and love your honesty and explanation of them. I live in NYC and also have two little ones (boys–one will be 1 in a week and the other 3 in October)but also have two dogs that are used as props, punching bags, toy holders, and meal sharers. My “zoo”, as I like to call my four creatures, keeps my mornings always chaotic. If you don’t laugh you’ll cry type of chaotic. “Cooper, you ate your entire waffle! I’m so proud of you!” Cooper beams and continues to play with his cars which are always on the kitchen table and often pushing everything OFF the table, which causes me to look down and see said waffle in my dog’s mouth. Then there is my battle with my 11 month old and his love for the dog food and water. Every. Freaking. Minute. The floor around the dog bowls is so clean I would be confident that Prince George could eat off it and I would have no shame. Between those four, my husband and I arguing who is going to walk the dogs (and then fantasize for a back yard with a fence), who will make the coffee and who will argue with our 3 year old that it’s too early to watch Cars or The Incredibles, we somehow make it to 9am when our babysitter comes. Whew. Would love the opportunity to see this chaos from another perspective!
General Location–UWS. Thanks for considering this!!
Oh how I wish I’d lived in NYC right now. This is why I love this project. Yes, we all run around like maniacs in the morning chasing mini maniacs. Like you, mornings are a juggling act and someone is going to get yelled at. But, I hope we all have that one split-second long moment when your baby makes you laugh or gives you a kiss just because. Or just wants to snuggle with mommy in bed. Or even when kids have replaced both parents in bed and are just laying there like mini-versions of ourselves. Those are the moments that I wish someone could capture so I can remember them forever and that’s exactly what the photographer did. Many times I’m too tired, stressed, frazzled to fully enjoy that just because kiss, but it happened, it was there. It’s probably there for most of us, it’s just that Ilana had someone capturing that split-second. Lovely.
What a beautiful response to the naysayers and skeptics. Chicago is totally close to NY, right? 😉 Our mornings are crazytown just like everyone else’s. Getting an iPad junkie off the iPad and ready to head to second grade while trying to placate his four-year-old sister who wants pita chips and pretzels and cereal for breakfast RIGHTNOW is fun. Lunch somehow never gets made or bagged until the last possible second, my email starts pinging incessantly (I work from home), and the speakers on the TV seem to magically turn off right when that one episode of Curious George my daughter’s never seen comes on. My husband has already escaped before we even make it downstairs, which adds another layer of harried to the hectic. Still, those little faces. I can’t get enough. That’s probably why I’m always late.
I would love to be a part of this!
We live in an apartment in Bergen County (NJ) with our two kids who are ages 4 and 2. It’s a 2-bedroom apartment, which means that they share a room an we don’t have a ton of storage space for toys – which makes for an interesting game of “don’t lacerate your foot on a lego” as you try to make your way through the barrage of toys strewn about the house from the night before (the ones we were too tired to put away after trying to straighten the kitchen… same ones I promised myself I would get up 10 minutes earlier to put away… same ones that are still not put away.)
My husband works in NYC and leaves (aka ESCAPES) by 6:25am to catch his train. I’m left trying to simultaneously get dressed/ready for work, wrestle my 2-year old into a new diaper and clothes, argue with my daughter about “what looks good on her” (I mentioned she’s 4, right?), get them to eat something that’s relatively breakfast-y (meatballs work, right?) and prevent any screaming/meltdowns/crying – from myself included – before I have to wrestle them into their carseats and drop them off at daycare. I need to be out of the house by 7:50am. We’re usually pretty close… daycare drop-off is pretty routine: go into Lucas’ classroom, peel a kicking/screaming wiggling toddler off me and give him (throw him?) to his teacher who is left with a kid who’s in a full-on ugly cry for the next 15 minutes. Alexis’ drop off is easy – and by that point I’m usually running out of the building like it’s on fire just to be able to get an extra 2 minutes built into my morning, thereby ensuring my Starbucks (AKA sanity) stop actually happens. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I get to work and realize I don’t even have any ‘remnants’ of the morning on me… i.e., juice stains, yogurt splotches, boogers, etc… FUN times!
Let me start by saying I’m a big fan of your writing and blog. That said, I have mixed feelings about the original post and this follow-up. The photos are certainly lovely, and yes, I agree that we moms often have a difficult time seeing the beauty in our otherwise crazy lives.
But here’s the thing: WRNY was supposed to profile a working mom’s typical morning. Yet, you said you had “everyone dressed and ready for the photographer when she came over (as [you] think most people would).” Honestly, getting everyone dressed and ready is often the single most stressful part of a working mom’s morning. The fact that you consciously chose to leave that out of the photos automatically sets up an unrealistic view of your “typical” morning. Also, that you think most others would have done the same says a lot about how we working moms see ourselves and our lives… we hide the unpleasant parts, that way everyone THINKS we have it all perfectly together (even when we don’t).
The photo shoot I (and most other moms, I think) would like to have seen? One that included the madness of getting the kids ready, the crying, the battles… as well as the inevitable tender moments that overlapped and followed the madness. Now that would be beautiful.
Love the pictures & the attempt to help us all focus on the moment, the beautiful moments.
I’m in Oregon so wayyy too far to participate.
What saved our mornings was periodically evaluating what we *thought* needed to be done/how it needed to be done/when it needed to be done, and being willing to risk change.
Most of the squabble about what to eat for breakfast/eat faster, you still have to get dressed, etc. went away when we changed to get dressed first, then come to the table to eat. She (like her mama) doesn’t like to eat as soon as she wakes up and when I finally accepted that, things got better. Some days, she doesn’t brush her hair. Is it the end of my world or worth the being late stress? NO WAY. Does it hurt more to brush it out in the evening when she missed a morning brush? Oh yeah, and I remind her of that so that she can make different choices.
And we got her her own alarm clock (cuts down on the number of times I have to go to her room to get her up!, thus taking more time out of my to-do list).
But I’m not looking forward to school starting next week — summer day camp is a bit more flexible when you’re five minutes late (ok, daddy is stressed about getting to his 8 am meeting on time), but the school bus at 7:23 is less forgiving. Add homework, making sure everything is in the backpack for school, ah….
I would love, love, love to be picked for this! My mornings are as chaotic as ever with an almost 4-year old who wants to do everything by herself and a husband who is always running late for work. Oy! We live in NYC by Union Square and I would love a glimpse of what my life looks like to others. I sometimes wish I had a photographer following me around because sometimes when we walk the streets of nyc, people smile or say how cute we look, etc. and I can never actually see those moments. And I’ve gotta know who takes all those amazing Instagram pics for all the famous mommy bloggers???
Our mornings usually start in the dark (so glad to hear we’re not the only ones!). There are grumpy groans but also warm cuddles and/or melty first mutterings from my 4 1/2 or 1 1/2 year old.
Sometimes there’s whining or fighting, and other times there’s a sister hug or dancing in front of a cartoon. There’s always ravenous eating. Boy do my girls like to eat!
Lots of coffee for mom. I dream of sleeping in again some day but know when that day finally comes, I will wish to be magically transported back to when they were babies.
Love this idea. Beauty in the ordinary.
We live in NJ–15 miles from NYC.
The photos were beautiful capturing a moment I am terrified of embracing. I live in Hoboken and go back to work the day after Labor Day and highly doubt any morning my first week back could look like that. I would love to win a photo shoot capturing a moment that makes me nervous and hopefully turning it into something beautiful. Assuming things go smoothly my morning will somehow include getting myself and my little one dressed and ready, along with her food and bottles for day care. Then somehow getting her to day care and timing it perfectly to catch the ferry that runs every half hour to get to work.
Chaos. Screaming. Dinosaurs. Diapers. Breakfast. Kindergarten. Baby. Teeth brushing is hell. Mismatched shoes. Only mom.
Tiiiiiired. Monmouth County, NJ
I’m so glad you are doing this for others. I could really use some proof that my mornings are more beautiful than the chaos they appear to be. I’m in Yardley, PA (one hour commute to NYC). And, if not me, would love to see other moms, too.
When I read the original post, I had many of the same reactions as the other comments: the photos were beautiful, my morning would never look like that; everything looks so calm and serene; at least you have dad to help in the morning, too. My mornings are nuts – with two boys (ages 2 and 4), plus two animals to deal with, and husband leaving for work at 5:45 am, it is a lot to get us all ready and out of the house. However, with your (always) frank writing, I am trying to keep one particular take-away point in mind — to stop and find the beauty among my morning chaos.
i live in morris county, nj, so relatively close to nyc. i’d love to catch what the morning looks like in my house. most days during the school year, i get up at 5 to be at the gym at 5:30 for what will be the only quiet, peaceful, alone time in my day. i’m done working out, showered and at work by 7:15.
i’m fortunate enough that my husband gets our 2.5 year old ready each day. this involves actually waking the sleeping bugger up, fighting over teeth brushing, arguing mickey mouse shirt he’ll wear, explaining why he’s not allowed to bring all of his toys to school, and most recently, listening to the screaming about how “daddy isn’t good enough!” (2.5 year old’s words!!!) and “i want mooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyy!” which only makes daddy feel like poop. all of this in an attempt to get out the door by 8:15 at the latest, but that never happens. i’d love for my husband to see some beauty in these stressful mornings, for him to see a glimmer of love from a still shot taken in the midst of a temper tantrum.
I live in Brooklyn with my husband, three year old son, and five month old daughter. My maternity leave is almost over – I go back to work on Monday. I am horrified that our mornings will devolve into havoc! I feel like I spend most of the morning nursing the baby and cajoling the boy into eating something/getting dressed/putting his shoes on. I’d love to see some proof that our mornings are also more beautiful than we think.
Send Raquel out to our house in Jersey! My husband leaves for work at 6am then I get myself and the three kids ready by 7:40. It is constant and total mayhem!
I would give anything *ANYTHING* to have seen my Grandmother’s morning. (She was a working mom, a school teacher in the 1950s) I would have looked at her clutter, her dishes in the sink, her crying sons and burned breakfast- and wouldn’t have judged a bit. They would somehow seem holy to me. Seeing a split second of her imperfect life would be amazing. I’d want to hug her and thank her, and help her brush the scrambled eggs under the kitchen rug. Maybe, just maybe, right then she’d be feeling Motherhood was doing her in, but after that morning, it wouldn’t – and she’d survive to fight (and win) another battle tomorrow. That’s what we would be capturing in all of our imperfect mornings everywhere if someone came to our house and took pictures!
Anyone find the dustpan?
You addressed something I was always curious about….how you get Mazzy’s hair so beautiful every day. I thought she must love having her hair brushed. Lol.
This is an interesting comment. I completely get what you are saying BUT I think that the issue comes with the word “typical” – let’s be honest, every family is different and furthermore every morning is different. I never really know if I am waking up to happy joyful munchkins or whingebags even if they slept well. Having an extra person to play up to would guarantee my kids would be far from typical. I totally would have had most of us dressed! And tidied the trip hazards…
At the end of the day the photographer had the responsibility of capturing what she saw and I think that has proved a better point of the hidden beauty in the mundane than reminding us we all struggle, although maybe that’s just me. Personally, I actually would rather see these pictures and find bits in my morning to compare it to aspirationally than see more whinging faces because I regularly have my fill of them!
I loved your response to the “haters”…brought tears to my eyes, actually. It made me stop and think of my mornings….yes hectic at times, but I can think of at least 5 things that made me smile…and that’s a a lot for a typical 2 hour morning. Some people need to stop and reflect a little bit more. You wil NEVER get hese mornings with your babies back. Enjoy every second of them,
Can I nominate my sister who lives in Brooklyn with her 2yr old and significant other? Their home and mornings always seem super random and hectic to me, so I think they would be a challenge for you! We live in Chicago, so we are out of the running.
I love the photos and can definitely see how they capture moments of beauty in a random morning. Every now and then, I stop for a moment to watch our almost 2yr old daughter with playing by herself or with my husband and, without fail, I am charmed by what I see. Even if she has food all over her face and shirt. I think the photos just let you take that moment to appreciate. How wonderful for you!
I love to wake up to my little girl and start our day. I don’t know how festive it is, but it’s become routine! I would love to capture our moments and see how our morning looks!
We’re on the Upper West Side and if non-stop morning tantrums can be beautiful we’re game! (I guess passion is beautiful, no?!).
I absolutely love your idea that our morning are more beautiful than we think. I stopped and thought about my typical before work morning with my 6 year old and 9 month old…and you’re right. Still shots would be beautiful. However, this morning…shoot…I ended my early reading with LOUD audible Farts coming from my dog in the kitchen. You know, they’re not supposed to be audible from dogs, right?! So, I tiptoed over to the kitchen as I was HATING the thought of what I would find when…”THHBBBB…PPHHBBBBB!!!!!!” was again heard with loud swishing of dog nails. Yes ma’am, my husband and I started out our mornings cleaning up dog poop from ALL OVER MY KITCHEN…all while gagging and before 6am. I, of course, find this hiarious…but can’t stop gagging. *sigh* Only to get in my car and realize that I have the wrong lid on my travel mug…coffee all over me. I just can’t get away from brown crap today.
Also, I have to be at work by 8am…and can’t leave until 4:30pm…do you all just have work shorter hours…or don’t get lunch breaks? I’m liking the sound of this NYC work day and wondering what the heck is wrong with Texas?
Hi Sarah – yes, I can appreciate that point of view, as well. We all need a little inspiration sometimes! Re-reading my comment, I realize that it came off as a bit negative, which I honestly did not intend. I just wanted to share a different thought on things. I just love the MommyShorts blog, and I do think the author (and the mag’s photographer) did a wonderful job showing the beauty of the morning.
p.s. – I am not in the NYC area, so not eligible for the photo shoot. Bummer. 😉
I would absolutely love it for camera to come and make me see that my mornings are beautiful as well. We live downtown in BPC, have three kids in a small apartment with two dogs. My day (and i say “my” because my husband is always traveling) starts 5/5:30 with my middle child pulling me out of bed to get her milk. Then followed by nursing my 5 month old at 6am, my oldest (5yrs) will wake at 6:30. Then its breakfast time, trying to get in the shower and trying to get out the door by 845am. This yr my son will have to be in school by 8:20..curious to know how that one will go!