Book Giveaway: "Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures"
It seems a little silly for me to introduce you all to Amber Dusick. I'm pretty positive, if you are a parent with a computer, you are already well aware of her. But, just in case you are living in the back of my coat closet in the storage bin that houses all the ski clothes I haven't worn since 1992, I will explain.
Amber Dusick writes an extremely popular blog called Parenting Illustrated with Crappy Pictures in which she writes parenting stories illustrated with crappy pictures. If that doesn't sound like the funniest thing you have ever heard than you are not using your imagination. Check out "Going Viral, The Puking Kind" and "Public Toilets Vs Newly Potty Trained Girls and Boys" to fully understand the genius behind a badly drawn baby.
Amber came out with her first book this week (Congratulations, Amber!) called "Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures" (obviously) and I could not be more excited to read itβ my copy is currently en route.
To help promote Amber's book, I've got two things going on today.
1) I'm giving away a copy! For a chance to win, leave a comment under this post.
2) Amber did me the supreme honor of illustrating Crappy Pictures for one of my old posts.
I must say, I'm feeling a little weird being allβ Amber is so hilarious! Now, read something of mine! But a mom blogger must take thrills where she can get them and seeing myself and Mazzy illustrated in crappy pictures might be my biggest brush with greatness since Christain Slater autographed a playbill for me in the early 90's. (No, I was not wearing my ski clothes at the time.)
Amber chose the post herself (it's from just before Mazzy turned two) and I'm hoping that for many of you, it is your first time reading it.
Please notice Amber's attention to detail. Crappy Mazzy has a Crappy Bow in her hair.
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ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A KIDDIE PARK?
Written by Me, Crappy Pictures by Amber Dusick
I loved amusement parks as a kid (the scarier the ride, the better) so I was super excited to take Mazzy to her first kiddie park. I figured she was too small to go on most of the rides but at least she'd go on the carousel and kick some ass at Wack-A-Mole.
Then the ticket booth lady said Mazzy could go on ALL BUT TWO of the rides.
REALLY? Are you sure you are not mistaking my kid for the fourteen-year-old with the neck tattoo behind me?
Yes, she was sure.
We started easy with a train that went around in a circle at .00000002 miles per hour. I rode next to Mazzy with my arm laid over her lap just in case she tried to wriggle free from the seatbelt, jump out action-movie-style and scream βThomas!β before running headfirst into the front car.
Miraculously, Mazzy sat still, tightly grasping the steering wheel for the entirety of the ride.
Next we moved on to a boat ride where Mazzy continued to surprise by not diving head first into one foot of water.
With two successes under our belt, we got more adventurous and tried the plane ride, the big slide and the mini roller coaster. Mazzy emerged smiling after each one and suddenly I had visions of future mother-daughter upside-down roller coaster rides, alpine slide races and sharing a tube in the Tunnel of Terror at Splish Splash.
I thought about how much different I was going to be from my own mother, whoβd sit on the sidelines waving and snapping pictures no matter how much I begged her to come along.
βGo with your dad," she'd always say. "I belong on the ground."
At the end of the day, we had one more ride ticket left. After scanning the park, I decided to take Mazzy on a harmless looking apparatus with a cheerful sounding name.
We sat side-by-side as the "Happy Swing" started slow and steady. I yelled βwhee!β on each downward motion, just in case Mazzy was unaware we were having fun.
Then the swing picked up speed.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
Hmmm. This seems a bit more dangerous than it did from the ground.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
I found myself gripping Mazzyβs leg to make sure she stayed put.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
Suddenly, I felt my stomach drop as if someone had just pushed me off the side of a cliff.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
My brain rattled inside my head as my fingers practically bore holes into Mazzyβs thigh.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
We were going to be thrown from the swing. I was sure of it.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
OH MY GOD WOULD THIS THING EVER END??!
I tried not to puke as I angled my head to make sure my baby wasn't crying. Then I offered her the only reassurance I could.
Mazzy looked like she was in a state of shockβ staring straight ahead, eyes wide as her hair whipped wildly above her. I was positive that if she survived the ride, this would be our first and last trip to the amusement park. She would forever be the little girl scarred by a crazy motherβs overzealous decision to take her on the most nausea-inducing ride in the park.
Finally, the swing began to slow and my hand loosened itβs grip on Mazzyβs leg. My stomach tried and failed to settle back into place as the ride screeched to it's upchuck-worthy end.
I looked at my poor 21-month-old daughter, prepared to plead forgiveness and assure her that this was the last time Mommy would ever place her in harm's way.
Mazzy was expressionless, still staring straight ahead. I touched her leg gently.
βMazzy, itβs over, I promise.β
Nothing.
Oh my god. I'd killed her.
Then suddenly, her eyes sprang back to life and her arms flew over her head.
In that moment, I became my mother.
Go with your dad. I belong on the ground.
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GIVEAWAY RULES
To win a copy of Amber Dusick's Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, just leave a comment below. Winner will be announced next Friday. If you can't wait that long, you can purchase a copy by clicking the Amazon link below.
Big thanks to Amber for drawing me in slimming black with lots of hair!
That is too funny. Our littlest one so far is the one angry he can’t get on the deathtrap 2000. Our 7 year old and I will wait on the ground for Dad and the (currently 4 year old) to be done.
I love Amber Dusick’s pictures. They are so true they are what we want to say v/s what we say!
So hilarious….my kids are 10 and 13 now but I can SO relate and actually LOL!
Just found this blog or site tonight while trying unsuccessfully to get my two year old in bed at a decent time. Actually I ran across “8 things I want to say to my kids”, it made my ordeal much better I must say. While begging, wheeling and dealing all the way down to threats of us not using the vacuum tomorrow. Anyway, I would love to get my hot little hands on this book. I’m sure I’ll get it someday when I’m allowed to leave the house π but it would be awesome to win something for a change. Great job and thanks for making my night a little bit better, now to get some sleep before he comes in here in counting down about 2 hours 10 minutes to kick the crap out of me and dad until its time to drag our beaten tired bodies out of bed in the morning. Somehow he always seems fully rested at 6am. I just don’t get it. π
Love it! I used to love adventure rides too… Now I get sick on a carousel ;(
My girls, since they could walk, have tried to get me on these rides…I belong on the ground as well…Too funny!
Just started reading Amber’s Crappy’s! LOVE it…especially when I have one of those days that needs a good laugh! Thanks for the chance to win her book π
Hilarious post, i laughed til i cried! :0
lol I have nightmares about taking my daughter to the theme park..she’s so fearless I just know I’m going to have to take her on a roller coaster (not my thing..no dad to take her on)! I’m more horrified of the picture that it’s going to take-because you have to buy those things, and I know I’ll look horrendous!
This made me laugh though, so hopefully I’ll be able to laugh at myself after the fact.
Want. This. Book.
So many posts! /fingers crossed
That story sounds soooo much like my carnival experience with my son Landon when he was 2. Made my heart smile!
I MUST have a copy of her book!
I would love a copy of the book!
Would LOVE to read this book!!!
Woot woot
LOL The same thing happened to me. I was always the ride lover, the faster and more loops the better. Now, if it spins or goes upside down, no way. We have been to Disney 7 or 8 times and neither of my kids has ever ridden the tea cups π
Pick me! Pick me!
Hilarious story and SO true. I left my last amusement park trip with bruises from getting beat up. I guess I’m not a kid anymore…I’m a mom π
I stumbled on your blog and haven’t stopped laughing yet! My husband and I roared with laughter at ‘Penis Pizza’ and I giggled endlessly over the ‘Gifts’ our children give us.
thanks you for writing! Keep it up
You had me at starfish
Read this in bed, with my 21mo daughter sleeping next to me–tears squeezed out of my eyes from trying to muffle my laughter. New fan!
Love the blogs and would love to win a copy of the book!
I want to win please π
I love Crappy Pictures! Your daughter reminds me of mine- the more dangerous a ride is the more she loves it! π
I am a new fan, I absolutely love your story and your blog! I also love her blog, I have been waiting for her book to come out, so excited to read it! Thank you for the chance to win a copy.
Awesome!!! I have become my mother too!! In so many ways!!
That is my favorite story about Mazzy! Too funny.
I’d love to win the book!
Thank you both for the laughs!
Perfect story for illustrations. I love amber and would love to win a copy of her book.
Love Crappy Pictures and loved your story!
First time reading your blog (you can thank Amber for linking me over on Facebook). I had a similar experience with my three year old on a kiddie roller coaster. Me, sitting there fearing she would burst into tears. Her, after, yelling “again, again, AGAIN!!”.
So funny! Glad I could encounter both of your blogs!
love, love, LOVE it! I’m a new follower to the blog, and because of these two blogs and the stories I am a better person, able to laugh at some of my own stories that at the time are not so funny. thank you for sharing, I’d love to win a copy of the book, can’t wait to read it!
I’m sure I’ll be that way when my kids are old enough. I used to love rides, but now they kinda make me nervous.
This was hilarious!
I used to love rides as well. I either feel nauseous or get a headache from almost all of them now. It’s sad
So funny! And I love the mashup of your story with crappy pictures.
Would love to win a copy!! Love her blog π
What a great post with great illustrations! I’d love to win a copy of the book!
Not-so-crappy blog! I loved your story and I love Crappy Parenting with Crappy pictures
Love it. Am a crappy fan & enjoyed your story in crappy pictures.
I read half of her book at B&N today while my kids played with trains… I need it. I’d love an autographed copy!
Would love to win a copy of this book. π
perfect. glad to see you crappily illustrated!
Ha amusement parks are the best!
Too funny!
Would love a copy! Everything has been going wrong with my life, so i desperately need a laugh!
Absolutely love this collaboration! You two are GODSENDS to this stay at home mommy! Thank you both for making the mornings that much more bearable! π
haha! great story and I would totally love to win Amber’s book!
Hilarious!!
Love this post! It reminds me of taking my 4 year old on the log ride at an amusement park. She met the height requirements but when we went over the big hill I had to hold onto her for dear life! Her butt rose about 5 inches off the seat of the log. They snap an automatic photo of the riders that you can buy. My expression looked like I had just come face to face with bigfoot. I am so my mother now….
I’d love to win a copy!
The only thing better than winning a copy of Amber’s book would be having one of my days at home with my child illustrated with crappy pictures! Thanks to you and Amber for reminding me there is humor in motherhood.
Oh my goodness! That was fantastic! I have to say, I checked out your page because I can not miss a Crappy drawing, but I’ll be coming back!
You are both so hilarious. Would love to have the book. I need some laughs! Thanks for the opp.!
Great story… that is my daughter and me. my son and i will ride the easy rides π and I’d love to win that book :).
So nice to see Moms supporting other Moms! Way to go, to both of you!
This story reminds me of the time we took our newly minted 5 yr old on Space Mountain at Disney World! Ugh, roller coasters in the dark…I had forgotten that part. I had my hand reaching forward on her shoulder the whole time afraid her head would surely pop off her tiny neck any minute with each turn. Never again!
Hilarious! My 3 yr old daughter loves the scary rides. The faster and higher it goes, the better.
I loooooove Crappy Pictures! Amber is amazing. π
Great story!
I heart crappy! Thanks for the chance to win!
hilarious! i belong on the ground now too.
Amber sent me over….. loved the story, btw I get my younger sister to go on the rides with the kidlets…. I just can’t handle the spinning rides anymore…..
thanks for the opportunity of winning Amber’s new book!!
Por favor send me a copy!!! I have 3 grappy beans. I cant buy your book here cause I live in Cabo. Omg idea send me the book I will translate it to spanish then i will send you the translation. Amber can give it to your publisher and I will sell them here. We’ll call it “dibujos mal hechos”.
I love Amber’s blog. I make my poor husband read all of the posts as they come out because they are so hilarious π
I so need to sit around and read that book so I can LOL some more….maybe in public :o)
Love her blog… would love to own the book! Really enjoyed your post, too!
This is awesome!! I totally got images of trying to do that with my 22 month old and could feel my stomach dropping at the thought of it.
Love it!
awesome to see as mothers, we are not alone although I feel house bound allot! Would love to read all the crappy stories π and see more of your stories also π xx
I would like to win a copy of this book.
Love her blog!!
Oh, my goodness. You are hilarious! At some point, we all become our mothers, and it is precisely at that moment that we are glad.
OMG, I love this post. What’s great about is that I felt that it talks about me, except that I didn’t go to the amusement park (sadly). I’m like you, I LOVE those rides, the scarier the better, I always begged my mom to ride with us when we were children. AND I have a 21-month-old girl. I totally imagined myself in your place. NOW, I really wanna go to an amusement park with my daughter as soon as possible (I would go this weekend if I didn’t have exams, ugh).
Hilarious!!!
My mom totally scarred me for life on a Pirate Ship when I was 6. My brother was 11 and he was screaming, crying and snotting himself in terror. Dad stayed on the ground laughing. Mom was laughing. I went fetal with my thumb in my mouth. I still can’t look at a Pirate Ship without hearing the sound of my big brother wailing, “Mooooom! Make it stop!”
She sat with us in the very last row. She somehow thought it would be easier there…
π
I forgave her. I even rode upside down roller coasters with her later. In Vegas. And barfed strawberry daiquiri from an Empire State Building cup in her lap.
You and Mazzy will be fine π
Hahahahaha that was so funny.
Amber’s now given me another blog to procrastinate with at work.
Hahaha love it. Love Amber’s blog too and I’m sure I would love the book
Uh, that was awesome, and that would also be me.. my 7 yo still hasn’t been to an amusement park, and we live, literally, 5 minutes from a great one (http://www.lagoonpark.com/). I woudl love a copy of Amber’s book, I have followed her from [almost] the beginning!
Priceless!!!!!!
Very sweet story. My own 8 year old daughter is quite the daredevil and can’t wait to be tall enough for the biggest adult roller coasters. My 3 year old is a different story – at first she wanted nothing to do with rides. Now she likes some kiddie rides, but only the gentlest ones.
So lucky to have Crappy Pictures!!
Amber sent me to your page and I’m really glad she did because you are funny and I shall return! Oh, and I would LOVE a copy of that Crappy book! Please and thank you! π
Bahahaha! “Again!” I nearly died! Thanks for the laughs mommas!
OMG! That sounds like me. I used to love rollercoasters and now my nerves can’t take it!
Hilarious !
Sweet. I am pretty sure my son is going to love rides too. And I will, most definitely, be staying on the ground.
Winning a book would be awesome π
Would be so cool to win!
Nice! I would so be like your mother too.
I’ve been so excited for this book to come out! Love the illustrations to your story. π
Pictures are brilliant of course! Loved the .00000002 miles per hour!
HIGHLARIOUS! Would love to win a copy!
you look good in black!
sounds like my son π
Hilarious–and totally acceptable to piggyback on the fame of others (Christian Slater not withstanding)!
yes! Isn’t it funny that we always think our children might possibly be dead even when they still seem to be sitting up straight with their eyes open.
Funny stuff I love all the crappy pictures!
Seriously funny story. Love that vacant stare! It would be awesome to win a crappy copy!