If you know a mother of twins, chances are, at some point, she has uttered the following words:
"You think having one is hard, try having TWO."
Then you are left to feel like a total jackass for being overwhelmed by the simple task of keeping alive a single human being.
Well, my friend Nicole (aka Ninja Mom) is guest posting today so that she can clear up this common misconception. She's here to tell you— moms of twins are FULL OF SHIT. Yep, they've been riding the "twins are SO HARD" sympathy train for far too long.
Nicole's got twins, the matching set of girls pictured up top, so we can trust her when she says, "Don't feel bad for ME. You're the one who's SCREWED".
Allow her to explain why having kids is easier when you birth them in pairs…
————————————————–
Scene:
You're in a crowded grocery store. You see a mother struggling to haul two baby
car seats through the door. Stray sweaty hairs are slicked to her
cheeks and forehead. There's an open diaper bag, precariously close to spilling two-babies worth of supplies at her feet. Her eyes seem frantic;
her breathing is rapid and shallow. You're worried for her well-being.
Don't be.
Sure, she
squeezed two humans out of her hoo-ha (or her incised abdomen), and sure, I may
have dropped the babies on their heads—I mean "she" may
have!—when she was still trying to
breastfeed them both at the same time (go ahead, picture it). But a day will
come when she will see you, mother of singletons, at a park playing the Malificent
to her child’s Sleeping Beauty, and twin
mom will hide a chuckle beneath her hand because the secret to happy parenting
is having them in pairs.
Don’t believe me? A little pro con list ought to set you
straight.
Grocery Shopping, Twins vs. Singleton
Everyone
stops baby mommas at the store to coo over their finally snoozing baby. But infant twins solicit
something infant singletons do not. Help. Your cute singleton will be loved and
admired by old ladies, cashiers, and mothers who’ve just had their tubes tied. But when
you have twins, these same people will also load your groceries into your
car. You poor dear, you’ve got your hands full!
Tantrums, Twins vs. Singleton
So, you’ve got yourself a walking, talking, tantrum throwing
toddler. When he’s facedown on the Walmart
floor screaming for a cookie, people will tsk, tsk and shake their heads. Unless you have twins. When you have one twin on the floor and the other is sitting quietly with his hands and feet to himself, they will assume it’s the kid, not you. After all, you have one trained like a monkey, the
other must be defective.
Playtime, Twins vs. Singletons
You like
playing hide and seek? No? How about Candyland? Make-believe? Legos? Watching
Calliou? Of course, you don’t. Only deranged adults and other children enjoy these things. And
that’s exactly what twins are.
Other children. So when your singleton has you pretending to be the Man in the
Yellow Hat, there’s a mom of multiples somewhere
making that kid’s twin do it.
Potty Training, Twins vs. Singleton
When your singleton four-year-old is still having accidents,
people assume you, mom, are doing something wrong. When it’s a twin, chances are they
look a lot younger than their chronological age and, hey, no one needs to know
your diaper-wearing teenagers aren't wittle babies anymore.
Volunteerism, Twins vs. Singletons
Of course
you can’t do it all, twin mom! Why,
you must be busy as a bee making two lunches, laundering two sets of
clothes, helping with two sets of homework. The PTA understands that you simply
can’t find the time to volunteer.
That’s what the moms of singletons
are for! (And if you do volunteer, twin mom, well, you’re just awesomesauce, aren’t you?)
The moral
of the story is that if you want your parenting life to go more smoothly (not counting the need to cart twice as many
things, buy twice as many toys, and remember twice as many social security
numbers)—have twins!
Or test it out by borrowing a friend’s kid that could pass for your kid's double. Then skip the under-eye concealer. Make like you’re exhausted and beleaguered. Watch the sympathy roll in!
It’s practically a cake walk.
Albeit one where you have two college funds, two sets of crooked teeth in need of braces, two school trips to pay for…
…and eventually two tween girls that will get their period at once.
I
assume all my delusional BS will be out the window once the tandem PMS starts. So,
let me have my moment, singleton moms. You can laugh at me in ten years when I’m crying in the tampon aisle loading super-sized bottles of Midol into my cart.
—————————————
Read more from Nicole on Ninja Mom.
I think half of this article is full of it! When you are a military wife with no family and friends around to help out, you are basically left with very little sleep and nobody to lift a finger to help. There is no need to categorize women with twins and say that it is easy for everyone, of course it’s easy for you, yoh “only” have twins. Having multiples is not easy by any means unless you have help from other people. The first year is full of tummy problems, sleeping issues, allergies, teething, illness, and many other problems that we have to face alone with not one but two kids. All of you who commented that you want twins now after reading this are dumb to think that it would be so easy. I love my kids and wouldn’t trade them for the world but only a small portion of this article is precise. Everyone handles things different and every situation is unique. The lady who wrote this article needs to rethink categorizing everyone and saying moms of multiples are living the easy life. What a load of crap!
It’s 5 reasons twins are easier than singletons. She didn’t say twins are easier than a singleton. Coming from a father of twins the first few weeks were very trying. They said feed every two hours. They didn’t say each feed would take 45 minutes each and by time we were done with the second it was time to feed the first (I don’t have Breast). The reason you pissed people off was because you said twin moms are full of shit. My wife slept in our sons room and she complained cause he woke up all ours. I told her that he could smell and hear her. This started fights. Eventually she listened to me and the first night he slept through never woke up or didn’t wake us up. My biggest grip about my wife is that she’d rather read what to do then just use her intuition. Think with your gut not with what some PhD says.
I agree Lisa, this article is not written correctly, it should not be putting moms of multiples down the way that the author has, to me this is more of a sting than anything!
Shut up patty seriously you know nothing of having twins! You could not imagine what it is like and this article, well, it must be nice to be living in a fantasy world!!
Thanks for writing this and making us twin moms look horrible. You in fact are horrible for writing it, there is nothing humorous about it when there are moms out there struggling to get through each day. Everyone has it different and you should know better than to write something justifying stupid people and their one baby drama. I also have other kids and the twins are wayyy harder. I have had singleton moms throw this article in my face and tell me they have it harder, shame on you for writing it, this article is good for nothing! What a total load of bullcrap. It would be nice to be recognized, not have moms sit there and say that us twin moms are full of shit and are just milking it. Put a sock in it and stop downplaying the work that it takes to have twins. Loser..
so I have to say absolutely no to this one. I guess they have a built in playmate but two boys beat the living crap out of each other. With a dad that travels how fun is it when not one but two get sick and no one to help not one person because you are far from family. Who’s going to go to the store when two are barfing projectile all over the place. As for the baby carrier in the store, only one. Carrying two very heavy boys in car seat carriers out of car into the stroller (pulled back many many times) is very exhausting. All classes like swimming you need an adult for each infant so we didn’t go swimming until the weekends when their dad was home. The fits, well they come in pairs don’t they?? And the extra help?? Don’t know where you see all this help from but I got a door open on occasion but nothing extra that’s for sure. Not being negative but I could look after anyone’s kid’s in my sleep and on medication(if I was on meds) Twins, triplets are 24/7 non stop and everything is the SAME TIME! Poopoing, barfing, fighting, meltdowns you flipping’ name they do it at the same time honey!. How about puberty, class projects (same class) clothing is double if they are the same size. It goes on and on. Most people think we did fertility but no they are natural. There ain’t no sympathy and I didn’t expect sympathy but new mom’s with only one haven’t a hint of a clue what multiple mom’s go through that is why everyone who has twins should join a group that has the support system. Oh ya and to boot…there is the guilt of not spending enough with one that you singleton’s get to dote on JUST ONE. Do you get it lady??? Just wow. I agree with the last comment from the TWIN MOM Lisa. This post is hilarious because it isn’t my world nor was my world but you could say I am kind of like a single mom with twins because of husband’s management position takes him out of town to travel. Kudo’s to mom’s of twins..they truly are a blessing but a hell of a lot of work that you’ll never understand until you have them.
it’s really too bad that you are able to write an article like this. We all need support and I would support ANY new mother with a single child or multiples. This is the problem with women in general and in today’s society. You should be ashamed of yourself putting this message out there and it’s obvious I don’t find it funny. Reconsider your ignorant words and rethink what you put out “there”. You are not correct in your assumptions and while it might be true and easy for some twin mom’s in general it’s a much harder gig than you realize. I am so glad for the mom’s group I had that was supportive when I didn’t have a spouse around. Although I didn’t receive any extra help (like we are all supposed to get) nothing ever that rude or ridiculous was ever said to me. I more than likely would’ve punched someone square in the face!
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Love it. I am a mother of now 11 month twins and an older brother now 23 months. Just about to have a “1 turning 2 and 2 turning 1” birthday party. Even though I only had a few short months with my singleton before his little bros came along, it was incredibly different than anything I could imagine having twins. Now my boys are hitting a sweet spot. The 3 of them are each other’s friends and keepers and after I can get the almost 2 year old to stop hitting the youngest when he gets close to his waffles in the morning I will have figured out the riddle of life.
I’m a dad of twins, and I have the impression that the author somehow managed to pass through a portal from a parallel universe that looks completely different from the one I live in. Most of this is complete BS.
This article is so brimming with self indulgent bullshit its literally off the scale. Ask anyone who has had a single, then twins and they will tell you twins are harder.
Shame on the author for writing such nonsensical drivel.
People who only have one at a time should try doing it with twins.
Example. One gets sick then starts to recover then the other gets sick. First 3 months feeding non stop. Double everything. One awake and one asleep. Should I go on?
This article is either written by someone who has never had a child or is maybe dim witted. Those are the only excuses I can make for this shit article.
Hi, Damo. I’m the author of this piece, something I wrote in jest. Thought you might like to know I have 4 kids: my oldest (a singleton), my twins, and then another single. I’m sure that I’m still brimming go with self-indulgent bullshit—I do so like to I indulge with bullshit!—but at least I’m not lying about being a parent.
Hope things are going well with you and your kiddos. It’s never easy; I try to approach it with humor. I’m sure you have your coping mechanisms, too. Here’s to surviving!
OMG I laughed through this entire article. Which is a good thing because I just had twins three weeks ago and it was a great break from all the crying. (me, not the twins) 😉
This author is a pathetic, self-undulgent piece of sh*t
Are you serious?? these reasons for why twins are easier then a singleton is absolute Bullshit. Your forgetting the 200 different things i could list off that make twins much more of a hassle then a singleton will ever be. try feedings for example and syncing up their schedules, constant crying and dealing with them switching from demon to angel and the other one taking their place. Im a dad of two boys and this post is just utter garbage.
A fascinating discussion is worth comment. I do believe that you need to write more about this subject matter, it might not be a taboo matter but generally folks don’t speak about these issues.
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Lol lucky for some all it has caused me is hell . No sleep,no life, feel like I’ve been on auto pilot for a year, failing ehat was an amazing marriage now, (because it sooooo hard to be a guy spending a few hours with them) they wake up 7 to 10 times a night still.. wish I lived I a place where you get all this sympathy I don’t or never come across it, maybe I don’t yet look like I need to be institutionalised. All I get it “must be hard” yeah thanks for the obvious, I love looking and feeling like a corpse raised from the dead where i cam bately leave the house for the embarrisement of my body (got a bad mucle split right the way up,being skinny I look 9 months preggo no joke, when I have had a day so far once this year. to see my friends I’d get a comment like omg is she drinking pregnant!? *thanks society*) and not to memtion my suddenly aged 10000 years face lol
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Pretty funny, and although I am a tired parent of 15 mo old tireless twins, this really made me laugh and remember my blessings! 🙂
What a load of bullshit! Try 3 year old twins.. Pull your head in!
??????
I have a great sense of humor,however after experiencing twins boys at the age of 40,with the help of a great husband, this article pissed me off! I raised 1 son completely by myself first,which was/is hard, but having twins is TRIPLE the trouble and I sure wish I got help and sympathy that seems so available to that mom…ugh.
It pissed me off too because it is a bunch of lies!
Hahaha… It’s an interesting discussion. The debate between the good and bad of having twins has always and will always be around. As usual, the bad is always having to buy double of everything. 2x baby cribs. 2x baby mattresses… etc.. I guess it is just our human nature to always feel “the grass is always greener than the other side”. Whether you have twins or single, I’ll choose to enjoy it 🙂
I have 9 month old twins, the only thing I have to call bullshit on, is the grocery shopping. Basically any outing where I have my twins with me, is a nightmare ! Because of the two 20 pound babies in their 4 pound car seat ? No! Because of the many people stopping you (not to help), to coo, and to ask the same questions, the same “you have your hands full”, ” You have twins!” . I’ve actually had many moments where I’ve had to just walk past people and ignore them, irritated at the large amount of unnecessary stops. Where your friend lives must be a nice part of town where everyone feels obligated to help out a twin mom. ha! If only I was as lucky. Playtime is dead on though. But hey, with two mouths to feed you’d hope their is some blessing in the mix. Trust me, there is a con list with having twins at times. And no I don’t say that to have anyone feel “sorry” for twin moms. I’m just saying, there are those moments where you wish you only had one.
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Apologies. I didn’t realise your article was supposed to be satirical. Might want to work on your style though. In fact I honestly thought this article was written by a 10 year old. Keep practising is all I can say. You’ll get the hang of satire eventually.
Haha!!! Agreed!!!!! This is the biggest load of BS I have ever read.
This article had no validity and is offensive to mothers of multiples. “Full of shit” sounds like someone has a lot of help whixh not everyone has access too. It’s easy to say these things and play out stupid scenarios when you’ve never been a parent of multiples or you have a ton of hired or famity help. A mother of twins who has no family living near by and cant afford hired help would never write this article or say twins are easy. Just like people who don’t have kids and always criticize parents. It’s easy to say what you would do when you don’t have kids. So I would say why spend the time comparing yourself to other parents and focus more on being a positive person. No matter if you have them in pairs or seperate pregnancies it is never easy. Everyone’s situation is different. Have some respect for other moms who are struggling. Have you interviewed mothers of multiples? Probably not so your remarks are just your opinion.
Amen
I agree about the whole “built-in playmate” thing, but there is no freaking way newborn twins are easier than a singleton. We barely made it and I see all my friends with singletons traveling and going to baseball games with three week old babies. I can’t even…..
We had twins and one has brain damage. Your world stops as you have one child in a reasonable routine and the other with absolutely no routine and never will. I have not slept two a full night for over 5 years. Are they playnates ? On occassions. Sparring partners more often.
Two newborns might as well be 5. Rarely did they feed st the same time. They did wake each otger up constantly. Ratty and tired was their norm until 4 years okd. Now no one sleeps as the little one has no ability to sleep so pkays all night. No medication as the brain part that switches off the brain is amiss.
If we had had Leyla alone her lack of sleep could have been balanced better but having two makes it almost impossible. I expect it depends upon if you only expect two fit and healthy, routine minded babies. If one is not then your world crashes. If you are prepated for that (my scans showed nothing) then everythingvelse will feel easy.
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This is the biggest load of BS I have ever read in my life. Sorry you feel the need to lie and exaggerate to make singleton moms feel better about themselves.
Wow, this article is very wrong. Pregnancy and being a mother is not easy no matter how many you have or are pregnant with. However I can 100% say carrying multiples is incredibly hard…and it was much harder on me the a singleton is. I was sick and on medication my whole pregnancy, if I didn’t take it I was sick 10-20 times a day. The pain in ribs, hips and legs is unbearable literally from 3 months on. No maternity store/company make clothes that fit your after 6 months (because you’re already measuring at 9/10 months singleton). You don’t sleep because you cannot get comfortable, every position hurts no matter what “special” pillow you have bought and tried. You can’t bend or shave or even wash your legs after only a few months of being pregnant. Your automatically a high risk pregnancy, filled with so many extra appointment and ultrasounds and being poked and examined uncomfortably. You have many extra high risk problems to get paranoid about and you’re literally useless your whole pregnancy. Being pregnant with twins was the worst time of my life…oh and your babies are most likely going to be much more premature than a singleton would be. Meaning longer hospital stays, possible complications and sickness. Not that singletons can’t be effected by that as well but it with twins and multiples it happens MUCH more often. Also…if you think pushing one baby out is hard, which it 100% is, imagine doing that twice…right after one another, Or in some cases pushing one out and still having to get cut open to get the other one out and then spedning weeks in pain healing, while trying to lift and feed and take care of two babies.
Now when it comes to raising twins opposed to singletons. I suppose at times it may be easier to have two…however if you think one tantrum in a store is bad, try having two children losing it in public for no reason. When it comes to the annoying show watching/play time, you definitely don’t get off Scott free not playing ridiculous games and singing along and watching the shows you find incredibly annoying…instead you just have two little ones begging and making you play with them no matter what chores and other things you have left to do. Imagine your ONE child doing that, that you seem to find SO annoying and double it because there is TWO children expecting those things of you. HAVING TWINS DOES NOT RELIEVE YOU OF BEING A PARENT. Which is what this article seems to be stating. Parents, no matter what are faced with many challenges… and it is incredibly rude and ridiculous to think that carrying/ raising two babies/children at once is somehow easier especially for these incredibly selfish reasons. It seems the only way to solve these things is to not have kids…not by having more, especially at once. To all twin mothers, you’re wonderful and what you did with your body and continue to do is amazing.
Ha! Can’t relate at all. Having to juggle 2 different people with different personalities and different needs is harder than handling 1, any day.
Mine are still babies, maybe things will change in the future? I have no sympathy for mom’s of singletons when they make it sounds like they have it hard. Ha! That’s the joke!
I had to express between 5 to 8 liters of milk a day after only one month.
Alot is true when they get older but after birth it is really hard.