In addition to “Inappropriate Elf”, there is a new trend called “Elf Shaming”. Yes, that’s right. Dogs, babies, husbands and ourselves aren’t enough. Elves must be humiliated for their misdeeds as well.
In fact, there is an entire site dedicated to Elf Shaming which is featuring my new friend Abraham today.
Who is Abraham?
Why, he’s my vacant-eyed Jewish substitution for Elf on the Shelf, otherwise known as a “Hanukkah Helper”. Only, he’s not as lame as I initially believed. Turns out Abraham is pretty BADASS. Or sacrilegious. There’s a fine line, you know?
Over the past two days since Abraham came to stay with us, he has been dishonoring our Hanukkah traditions left and right. I guess it’s my own fault since I have not made it clear to anyone what he is doing here. He’s got no Santa to report back to or naughty/nice initiative to uphold. The piece of paper he came with said Abraham is supposed to “stay by our side” and “share Hanukkah time”. Is that not the vaguest job description you have ever heard? In return, we are supposed to sprinkle him with snowflakes (huh?) and give him crackers and water at night.
CRACKERS AND WATER??? What kind of life is that? He traveled all the way here from… from… ummm… “his home far away”. No wonder, Abraham is acting out.
HE’S GOT NO PURPOSE!
Here are just a few of Abraham’s latest offenses, transgressions and Jewish violations…
2013 Update: Good thing this year, I traded Abraham in for a Mensch on the Bench.
These made me actually “LOL”!!! Especially the cigarette one for some reason…
This is great! My favorite is the one where he cooked the latkes in bacon fat! Too freaking funny!
actually laughed out loud at the last one. that’s big board sacrilege.
I’m still drooling over bacon-fat fried latkes and praising Jesus Christ that I don’t have a bacon taboo to struggle under. Sorry, I mean, “That imp! What a bad boy. Nom Nom Nom.”
Happy Cchhaauunnuukkaahh.*
(For real, have a lovely holiday with your family. Hope you’re in for a year of bounty and blessings.)
The latkes and losing his home in a dreidel match. Perfect.
I hear those high-stakes dreidel games can really get out of hand – he’s lucky a plush Frosty doesn’t come around to break his non-thumbs!
hahaha only jews would understand this! I love it! 😀
SO MUCH FUN> Love it. Boo Boo wants a Menorah – she saw one at Target and now thinks that the nice blonde Norwegian family she belongs too NEEDS one. 😉
You could say he comes from Israel, and will steal your gelt for every day you are naughty. This will be a great cover for all the nights you have a gelt-fest after Mazzy goes to bed.
I have to admit, I’m not even Jewish, but even I flinched at the bacon-fried Latkes!!
Those are the most perfectly round latkes that I’ve seen posted this Hanukkah.
That’s because I cheated and bought them at Vselka. They are not even really latkes. They are run-of-the-mill potato pancakes.
I’ve got a newborn at home— give me a break!
That means a lot coming from you, my friend.
what do I know? I’m Christian and I’ve only seen latkes made once by a friend in college (in the tiny kitchen in Broome in fact).
Brilliant! Totally wetting my pants in the Holy Land!
Now I’ve seen everything! (The shame’s the thing! LOL.)
P.S. Congrats on your cute baby girl!
OMG! I love this. Such a great idea. I’m totally doing this when my kids are older.
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